Fantasies in a relationship—okay or not?

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost two years now. For the most part our views align. However, one notable difference is the desire for a threesome. He would be okay with a mff one but I want a mmf. He says it’s different for a guy to f another girl than for a girl to f another guy. Which seems very hypocritical to me. On top of that, I have found myself physically attracted to his cousin (we all work together), and consequently that provides some delicious fantasies. BUT my boyfriend has made it clear that he’d be very upset if I was feeling that way…so I just don’t mention it. So…is it okay to have fantasies about someone like that so long as it’s not acted upon?
0 3

Superb Opinion

  • I think most people have some fantasies not involving their partner. They may be rare or frequent. You yourself are the best judge of what they mean. If it is only a thought it matters little. I have thought it'd be funny to murder people at some point. But it is a thought, not a real desire. Even if the feeling would be strong if the intent to act upon it never exists - even if presented some opportunity, I do not see it as wrong.

    I can somewhat understand your boyfriend's view. Sleeping with someone as a guy is a less serious decision in that the direct consequences for us are less impactful. Thus it normally carries less weight. But I also agree with you that it is hypocritical and silly given the premise is already limited to safe sex.

    I don't think asking for someone to invite their cousin would normally be appreciated. Especially not if the letter arrangement is also correct -but I doubt it is.

    • I’ll be honest and say that the temptation has been very very difficult to deal with lately. Yes, I now know it should be MFM haha and I can understand the sentiment behind that not being appreciated. Ugh what a headache😂

Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you are right. You both have a similar but slightly different fantasy. Most guys would want a FFM and I think most girls would want a MMF. They can be fun however. When I was a sophomore in college my girlfriend told me that her roommate (who was way hot) wanted to join us for sex. I was a very horny 19 yr old kid so of course I said yes. Both girls were on birth control which helped. At any rate we spent an entire afternoon and night naked and had a lot of sex and did some fun games. Sure I had to take a few breaks to recharge. The next day I was kinda sore but I had a big smile. It never happened again but it is a fond memory.

Most Helpful Girls

  • First of all, never call it a MMF. That implies that the guys are bisexual. Call it a MFM.

    I've had many MFM's and that's just the way the cookie crumbles. Since the dawn of civilization, that's how it worked. The illusive FMF is a Penthouse fantasy that is just that.

    • Thank you for that tip! I did not realize there was a difference but that makes complete sense. I didn’t know that either, I had always assumed that both were fairly common…

    • Noooooo the FMF is almost non-existent. I can give you websites for swingers and you can see that this is true. Single women in the "lifestyle" are called unicorns. That's because they are almost impossible to find. After my divorce, I became a unicorn, and married couples fought to get me, and I'm no prize. I'm a plain Jane and fat. I got invited to so many parties and even have been asked to go on vacations with couples. (I never did the vacations, because I was too nervous about that)

    • Wtf! *facepalm* its definitely the opposite. Nobody has mfm threesomes. Just like skanky girls at sex parties and stuff. Most threesomes are mff.

    • Show All
  • I think it's natural to be attracted to different people but this is a physical thing. I don't need to act on it. Bc if i am with someone... thats who im focused on... and putting energy into.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 11
  • Fantasies are fun. Nothing wrong with having them…. everyone does.
    re: the threesomes, try both types if you are up for threesomes. That would be a good compromise. We tried a mmf, it was super fun. Ours was with another guy only because he asked us, we didn’t really think about it as you guys are.

    • And see, I would love to try it just to see if we’d like it. But he’s so opposed to the thought that I’ve just dropped it. I don't know why it has to be such a big deal—he mentioned he’s worried about it impacting our future

    • Oh I get that, we were worried about that too. Jealousy, loss of friendship, ruin sex for us etc. The 3rd was a friend of ours so it was comfortable... the best advice I ever received was talk about it, have rules, know each other’s limits, and then you can have a really fun time. It was a first for all 3 of us and we all really liked it

  • You can't control your fantasies. Agree to his only if he agrees to yours. If you decide to go through with it, start with a MMF so he won't fulfill his MFF fantasy and then welch on the deal. Please feel free to PM if you wish.

  • It's okh as far you both are good with each other fantasies.

  • Ny girlfriend was one of two girls I was actively pursuing before I asked her out. I still find the other girl extremely attractive. I sometimes fantasize about her. Yet I love my girlfriend and would never act on it. I don't see anything wrong with it. I also fantasize about several manga characters too, but they're not real, so it's different.

  • "He says it’s different for a guy to f another girl than for a girl to f another guy. Which seems very hypocritical to me." This is your problem here. Its not hypocritical because men and women are not the same. Check in your pants if you aren't sure. He is absolutely right. If y'all bring another girl in men and women will call him "the man" and nobody will say much about it to you. If y'all bring another man in then everyone will think you're easy and a slut and make fun of your boyfriend. Clearly not the same outcome.

    • I suppose I could understand that, but I guess I was focusing more on the fact that, regardless of the particulars, I was being judged for my fantasy.

    • What if he had a fantasy that you had unprotected sex with a random man you find off the street with track marks all over from injecting drugs? Do you support this?

  • It's ok if you're ok with it

  • Fantasies can be great but when finally doing them in reality the outcome is never what you expect

  • Yes it ok honey

  • Men can have sex detached from emotion.
    Women can not.
    The oxytocin release in females always makes them get “feelings”

  • Not just ok, but normal. Everyone has them.

  • You can try it if you like it.