Sexual Relationships
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Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room

This is inspired from @laurieluvsit and @Brainsbeforebeauty and their joke posts.

Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room
Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room

https://www.scarymommy.com/best-fart-jokes/

4) Wow, did you just fart?

Because you totally blew me away.

5) You think you have it rough?!

Think how many farts a couch has to endure in silence.

6) Two flies are sitting on a piece of poop.

One fly farts and the other fly cries, “Hey! I’m trying to eat here!”

Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room
Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room
Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room

11) Why did everyone notice when Bill Gates farted in the Apple store?

Because they didn’t have any Windows.

13) There is no more nerve-racking moment than attempting your first fart after having diarrhea.

17) I farted at work yesterday and my co-worker opened the window.

It must have been bad — we’re flight attendants.

Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room
Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room
Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room
Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room

18) My partner said he wanted to heat things up in bed.

So I farted under the sheets.

25) Farting on an elevator is probably the worst thing you can do.

It’s just wrong on so many levels.

28) What did the menstrual pad write on the “thank you” note to the fart?

You are the wind beneath my wings.

Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room
Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room
Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room
Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room
Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room

33) Why do farts smells?

So that deaf people can enjoy them too.

sorry folks no more jokes... I ran out of gas :)

Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room
Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room
Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room
Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room
Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room

Joe's mystery basement seemed just perfect :)

I take no credit for the pictures or the videos :)

Have a great Friday!

3 5

Most Helpful Guys

  • I'm not sure if the following video will play. I had a hard time finding a copy. You'll have to cut and paste to see it. https://veblr.com/watch/3019939779/breaking-the-fart-barrier

    This one is a classic: Farting Contest with Paul Boomer & Lord Windesmear

    https://www.youtube.com/embed/2FyD95Hv7CU

    Here's a story some guy wrote:

    One time I was pretty drunk with a friend at a Target buying Risk (and no, we never finished playing the whole game). This little 5-7 year old with a Mohawk was being an insufferable little shit in the action figure section. I heard him from like 5 aisles over and it was like nails on a chalkboard. I tell my friend, “I’m gonna fart on this kids head. Watch and learn.”

    I saunter on over to the aisle in question and see the vile little prick calling his mom an “idiot” for not buying him a huge fucking G. I. JOE The Movie vehicle (which pissed me off even more considering how awful that movie was. BUY SOME GOOD TOYS!) “I already bought that one for you and you broke it by throwing it down the stairs” “SHUT UP. I NEED IT. IT’S THE ONLY ONE I DON’T HAVE NOW.” The mother was younger than me (I’m mid twenties) and gave a defeated look, “I don’t have enough money right now.” “YOU ARE AN IDIOT,” and continued to just berate and publicly shame this woman.

    At the time, I was on a strict Chipotle carnitas burrito diet. And while I was watching all this, my stomach gave me an initial warning gurgle (very courteous stomach) telling me I was about an hour away from punishing the toilet. Serendipity! Destiny!

    I inch a bit closer to my prey, inspecting some wrestling toys and pondering the weird homoeroticness of the whole ‘sport’ in general. The kid shouts “FUCK YOU, I HATE YOU!” The mom rolls her eyes and turns her back to the kid to ignore him. And could you believe it, the kid gets on his hands and knees and starts taking the toy out of the box. It’s go time, motherfucker.

    I position my back towards him and at this point am like 2 feet away from him. His head is down, getting frustrated with those god damn twisty tie things, and I go for the kill. I bend down to reach for the one of the toys on the lower shelf. At this point, my ass is INCHES away from this kids head.

    Now, generally speaking, the best way to go about this is to act casual, drop your belly bomb, then walk away after a few seconds like nothing is out of the ordinary. I usually go one aisle over and listen to the kid’s reaction in delight. However, today I couldn’t help myself. I have my head tilted back looking at this kid out of the corner of my eye, to ensure accuracy.

    I’m so close that from a distance it looks like I’m about to sit on him,. My friend sees this happening and can no longer contain himself. He’s covering his mouth, but his ‘hee-haw’ hyperventilating donkey chortle is fairly audible over the late 90’s pop muzak playing on the loudspeakers.

    The kid immediately looks up towards the laughter, but can’t help but notice there is an ass now directly in his face. Now, I’m trying not to laugh but also panicking as I just made eye contact with him. He furls his brow and I look over in the mother’s direction, still back towards us. I relish in the moment and the look on this child’s confused and naive face.

    The initial blast was mighty and boisterous. I swear I saw his hair blowing in the wind (so to speak). If I wasn’t wearing jeans, I think it could have probably blown over an empty soda can. I would call it “a very fun fart” (A++ would buy again). However, what immediately followed that out the chamber was truly horrifying. The fart’s implication changed without notice and swiftly. It went from a joyous, dry airhorn squeal to a nefarious, hissing mephitis. I think the little moppet noticed the hateful metamorphosis before even I did because he wretched his neck violently trying to get away from the personified evil being fumigated into his soul. Because of his positioning (hovering over the toy, hands and knee), it was all in vain as the only way out was forward…and forward would mean certain death. I had positioned myself well on the higher ground, free to escape or relent at any time and him, poor and immobilized: biding his time until the cruel attack was over. Obviously, this child needed to re-read Sun Tzu.

    In total, it lasted about 4 seconds but for that kid, it must have seemed like time was frozen. The long-term severe brain damage which he no doubt suffered, only added to that effect.

    When I finished with my bidness (i. e. forcing a little boy to huff my farts), there was a silent, pregnant pause. The kid was clearly shocked and stunned. No one had ever stood up to this dwarf sociopath in his whole life. I had taken the words out of his mouth and filled it with fart.

    I make my move first, picking up the toy I was “reaching for” off the low shelf, take a few steps forward and stare at it for a few seconds. On ‘2 alligator,’ the only thing the kid could manage to do was burst into tears. My friend senses danger ‘the jig is up’ and his head darts for cover. The mom turns around to see her kid with an open toy, crying on the floor and me minding my own business.

    She walks up to him and asks what’s wrong but the kid can’t speak. All he gets out is, “BAWAWAAAWAFARTBAWAWA.” It took every fiber in my body not to laugh. I put the toy back on a middle shelf, turn around, give a final nonchalant looksy and then begin to take my exit.

    Sensing that his assailant was getting away scot-free, he somehow managed to compose himself for a moment. He shouts, “HE FARTED ON ME!” I could feel him pointing at me but I continued to act like I was just browsing. I was ALMOST around the corner when the mom goes:

    “Excuse me…. sir…. SIR!”

    I turn around nonplussed, “Uh…who? Me?” while pointing to myself.

    “Yes. Did YOU just FART on my son?”

    Weighing my options, I played dumb. “What? I mean, I did fart.”

    “On my son?”

    “Well, I mean, technically speaking…I mean…what is ‘on’?”

    “Why did you fart on my son?”

    At this point the little kid has the look of schadenfreude on his face, happy to see me in trouble. Fuck you, I’M A MAN! I WILL FART ON YOU IF I PLEASE! I turn my attention to the little kid and stare at him, “Because the whole store could hear him being a little, rotten asshole to his mother so I thought I’d come over here and treat him like one.”

    The mom looks at me, her son and the scattered GI JOE/wrappers/box on the floor. The mom is puzzled as to what to do and says, “Just.. just go.” That’s my cue! I turn around, walk away with little extra step. I look up to see the black orb of security cameras and all the stories on reddit about unjustly having to register as a sex offender flash before my eyes. As soon as I turn the corner, I book it outside as fast as I can while dialing my friend. Like a true friend, he is right out front with the engine running and Risk in the trunk.

    We laugh on the car ride back about the whole scene.

    • That was a good idea for a Take, Jj. It's a funny topic and you shared some really funny stuff. You had me laughing.

    • How do you post 1,000 words but when I post only half that it says your post is too long and it won't post.

  • Just so you know, this one was not because of a fart. She was getting butt fucked.

    Farting in enclosed spaces or do you think you are the only one in the room

    • I only noticed the text 😂

Most Helpful Girls

  • I enjoyed the jokes. :) that is one reason a flight to Mars will never take place. Someone farts and someone tries to roll down the window. My sister did that to me once. We were at Target shopping and she let out a silent but deadly one and then scooted to the next aisle while I was looking at things. Next thing I know I smell it and everyone is looking at me. I was so embarassed and it wasn't even me. $#!@ sisters. I got back at her though. My car has the child lock option so you can't open your door or roll your windows down when the driver hits the child lock. So I gave it back to her and she couldn't even roll the window down. She was gasping for fresh air. Am I a mean sister?

    • Thank you :)

  • OMG!!!

    "JPAYNE'S BOTTOMLESS FART JOKE POST!"

    The Target video had me in tears! ... I'M NOT KIDDING! ... lol

    • I want to change my title now 😂

    • ... lol

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 8

  • Really cute😊😊

  • That middle picture looks like she is getting fucked looool

    • I'm pretty sure that's exactly what's happening

    • Lol I thought the same

    • Yes fake taxi

  • "sorry folks, no more jokes... I ran out of gas"
    That one got me lol

  • “Feeling lonely? Just fart, someone will walk in shortly.”

  • Nope, I was sitting in my therapist office and the therapy session
    was just getting over and I left all these small farts and I knew that
    something was about to happen, I grabbed that key at the main office
    went into the Men's restroom, thank God there no one in there wow I
    had such a huge poo-poo and it took me forever to wipe wow that was
    relieve

  • these are some good seat rippers

  • *fart* 🤭💨 did I missed something? 😁

  • Well done. Farts have been making me laugh since I was 2, and I'll be laughing at them until I'm 102.

  • Damn these jokes were awesome 😂😂

  • I wanna go there but I can't... Not in this environment.

  • Well the second pic 8s not related to farting

  • ... im not even gonna bother reading this

    • You will still fart

    • 😂😂😂😂

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