Fear of intimacy doesn’t just happen to men?

[Anonymous]

The hard raw truth is I am so damn terrified of actually having someone else touching my body after this recent breakup-I don’t understand it. I committed to life with this person and put my mind somehow in a state that there was no one else ever again. I have never been like this when other relationships have ended. This thought process never came into my head not once before. I’d get over the break up and find a new partner a few months down track after healing.

To me sex has always been a very intimate act, my body is mine and is reserved for people that hold that specific special place in my heart - a boyfriend/ partner specifically. I have only ever had one one night stand/ friends with benefits type of thing and that was when I was 20 years old but even that felt wrong at the time as their was no commitment as such. So it was short lived. Yes this means that I have only ever had sex with people I am in a relationship with.

I understand to a degree heart break does funny things to you and it may seem like I’m just in a bad emotional state but there is genuine fear. I don’t feel like someone new couldn’t do for me physically what my recent partner done, but the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. Even just the thought that someone else touches my body like that, hugs me, kisses me etc in any intimate way makes my skin crawl or like it would be so wrong morally. Is there a term for this that I can do some research on to gain an understanding? It feels like a mental block or something. I know I need to heal because this mindset is NOT really healthy. I just don’t trust anyone with my body.
Please be respectful with your responses I am not in a place where I can handle too much criticism at present- I am genuinely concerned and trying to help myself by reaching out.

[GreekLorrd]

Yes, fear of intimacy is not specific to any gender and can happen to anyone. It is normal to feel anxious and scared after a breakup, especially if the relationship was long-term and you were committed to your partner. It sounds like you have a very strong attachment to the idea of intimacy being reserved for someone special, and the thought of being intimate with someone else is currently overwhelming for you.

There are many reasons why someone may experience fear of intimacy, such as past traumas, relationship patterns, or anxiety. It may be helpful for you to talk to a therapist or counselor to explore these feelings and work on developing a healthy relationship with intimacy. They can help you identify the underlying causes of your fear and provide strategies to manage and overcome it.

It's important to be gentle with yourself and not push yourself too hard if you're not ready to be intimate with someone else yet. Healing takes time, and it's okay to take the time you need to feel comfortable and secure before pursuing a new relationship.

[Shamalien]

I know this feeling. Had it after my last breakup. Couldn’t even jerk off because thinking of her felt wrong but thinking of anyone else felt wrong too.

it passes

[Asker]

I can’t explain it but it really is a bit f*caked up. And yes I am in the very same boat it’s like that part of me is switched off unless it’s sexually with him. I hope that at some point I am open to this I mean because I don’t feel like my brain can handle it at present. I don’t want to be alone forever but I also don’t want to bring baggage and bath water to anything new. How did you get through this odd stuff? Happy for you to message me.

[Shamalien]

I found writing out my feelings helped. Like I wrote a letter I never sent, and it brought me a lot of peace just to realize how many problems I had with how she behaved in our relationship, and the way she ended it. Time is the great healer though. Don’t be desperate and jump into anything, just focus on yourself and build yourself up. Workout, run, improve whatever skills you have, do things that will make you proud of yourself and help you realize that you can get someone better than the ex. I don't know if he broke up with you or what but if someone breaks up with me, they proved to me that they can’t be in a relationship with me. They bailed on us and how can I be attracted to that? Just takes time for the feelings to process. Let yourself cry, wipe the tears and hit the gym lol