Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
If you're a girl on the internet (or someone who has been mistaken for a girl) it's very likely that you, at some point, have been a victim of fetish mining. I'm sure that this sort of thing can happen to boys too, but in general girls (especially young girls) tend to be the main target group when it comes to fetish mining.
What is fetish mining?
Fetish mining is when person A contacts person B in a thinly veiled attempt at getting sexual gratification. It usually involves some sort of "harmless" sounding question, like:
What size footwear do you use?
What kind of bellybutton do you have?
How much do you weigh?
Sometimes the questions can be even more straightforward, for instance:
Can you send me a picture of your feet/armpit/neck?
Can you send me a video of you wearing x and dancing in a cute way?
These questions might sound harmless to the untrained ear, because they aren't inherently sexual. It's not as obvious as someone asking what your favorite sexual position is, or for a picture of your boobs. Hence the name fetish mining. These questions usually revolve around some type of fetish, which by default is more of a niche thing and not inherently sexual for most people. Like bellybuttons, armpits, certain items of clothing or fabrics, certain actions, or random body parts in general.
Why is fetish mining wrong?
If it isn't already obvious to you why it's wrong, I'll happily break it down for you.
1. It's exploitative
Like I mentioned earlier, young girls are typically the target group for fetish mining. Young, impressionable girls who don't understand that there's an underlying sexual tone to the question being asked. Who don't understand that they are potentially being coerced or manipulated into giving out personal information or pictures/videos, that can start circulating the internet and get into the hands of the wrong people. Basically, young girls who don't understand that they're participating in an act that someone else finds sexually enjoyable, which weaves into my second point;
2. It's non-consensual
The whole point of the "innocent" nature of the questions being asked is the fact that the participant is unaware of the miner's intentions. In some way, the miner is probably even getting off on the fact that the other person has no idea. The miner is mining for "gold". If you want someone else to participate in your fetish, answer questions regarding your fetish, or send you pictures/videos that feeds the needs of your fetish, you have to have the other person's consent. There's no way around it. Just because the questions are seemingly "innocent" because they could be asked from a non-sexual perspective, it doesn't make it any more ok when they are being asked for sexual reasons. That's why you should always let the person know why you're asking these questions, and make sure they're ok with answering them in the first place. It is also never ok to ask minors these questions. That should go without saying, but unfortunately there are some incredibly dense people out there who still don't get this.
3. Fetish miners are often deceitful and conniving
As I've established, a major point of fetish mining is making sure that the victim is unaware of the fact that they're being asked to participate in something the miner considers sexual. This is why many fetish miners go to great lengths to make the question or request as innocent-sounding as possible. For instance, girls have been asked to write a message or some sort of slogan on the soles of their feet and snap a picture "for charity". The victim might also be told that the miner is conducting a study of some sort, and needs this information for "scientific purposes" only. Or, the miner wants to "cast" the victim in a Netflix series and needs to know what types of scenes the victim would be ok with. All of these things are, of course, completely fake. The fact that the miners would come up with such convoluted lies just to get off, makes the whole thing even more sinister.
So, how can you avoid fetish miners?
Well, the bad news is that you kind of can't, unless you stay off the internet. If you're on any kind of social media and you allow strangers to send you messages, it's very likely that someone, at some point, will contact you in an attempt at fetish mining. So the best thing you can do is to protect your privacy. Don't allow strangers to message or follow you. If you don't want to make your social media accounts more private, then all you can do is think twice before answering someone's DM, email, message or question. Being cautious and always second-guessing the other person's intentions (especially if they're a stranger) is key. The most important thing to remember is that you don't have to answer. You're not obligated to engage in conversation with these people. In fact, it's probably best to not say anything at all, and just block them. With these people, you don't really know... they might even get off on you telling them to fuck off. So it's simply not worth it. And please, if you have any younger siblings or relatives who are on the internet, let them know about this. Tell them that they should never answer any personal questions asked by complete strangers, even if the question seems harmless.
___
I'm not here to kink-shame anyone. If you have a fetish for feet, armpits, necks, certain items of clothing or fabrics, or any of the other things I briefly mentioned in this take, then you do you. As long as you don't ask minors inappropriate questions or you actively try to have other people engage in your fetishes without them knowing/giving you their consent, I don't really care.
Special thanks to beckiicruel and her video on the topic that inspired this take. I've been aware of this phenomenon since I was a teen because I've been a victim of it myself, but I never knew it actually had a name.
What Girls & Guys Said
27 84Never heard about this in my country
Good take.
How to avoid?
If you don't know who wrote you a message, delete, delete, DELETE!
I think this sort of shit is fairly obvious so don't talk to people who ask those weird questions.
Well you're also 34, so of course it's a little more obvious to you. Beckii raised a good point in her video - a lot of these perverted questions are almost asked in a way that you'd ask a friend about it at a sleepover. A lot of these miners also pose as being young girls themselves, making it less obvious for young people to realize that they're actually probably talking to an adult.
So are you telling me for a 15 year old, the question "show me a pic of your feet" wouldn't be weird at all?
Cause I'm not buying that.
Maybe not for a 15 year old who has been using the internet for a longer time. But what about a 12 or 13 year old who has a fashion account on instagram where they post pictures of their favorite clothes? And suddenly someone comments "can you post a pic of you wearing your favorite socks"? The context is suddenly a lot more blurred, less obvious. It's situations like that, that miners intentionally seek out. They purposefully target certain girls doing certain things, and cloak their questions according to what the girl might be interested in.
You know 12 year olds have parents that are responsible for them not posting some weird shit online. And either way there's always gonna be creepers that will jack off to little children or to weird fetishes. Those are the perverts. Showing your feet in public isn't perverted. You should avoid sexualizing and pervertizing everything just so that no single creep on the internet will masturbate to whatever you're posting. You can't prevent that from happening anyway.
Unfortunately it's highly unrealistic that parents would monitor every single little thing their kids do online. And yes, I'm fully aware of the fact that showing your feet in public isn't perverted or inherently sexual. That's exactly why these questions so easily fly under people's radar. I'm just saying that people, especially young people, should be more careful with who they choose to interact with, because you might not know their genuine intentions with the information you share.
i don't think there's not much harm done in some girl sending pics of her feet without knowing the guy will jack off to it honestly.
Except that she didn’t consent to participating in anything sexual. Not to mention how problematic it is that the guy will likely start spreading around those pics of a girl who’s likely underage.
That is problematic but this is not a problem that can be solved. We have to live with that problem.
I mean we have different strategies to manage this problem. Many Muslim societies solve it by having women wear burquas. I don't think that's a satisfactory solution.
I never said that it's a problem that can be solved... just that people can be more careful with who they trust and decide to share personal information with. Even when it comes to seemingly mundane or just quirky questions.
i think "being more careful" harms your own life more than it actually prevents creeps from doing their thing. a bit of mindlessness is ok.
just applying some common sense is enough. no need to learn about all those perverse fetishes in order to avoid pleasing some random asshole somewhere by accident.
How is not responding to a random message sent by a stranger harming your life? I'm not advocating for literally not trusting anyone or staying cooped up in your room forever, I'm advocating for a bit of street smarts when it comes to being on the internet. And honestly I really don't see how you think it's ok for young girls to mindlessly accept old dudes creepily approaching them online. Especially considering that it could escalate into something a lot more serious. That's pretty fucked up of you.
ok got you. it sounded a bit like it was going towards the paranoid side.
@lumos Really? You consider it unrealistic for parents to be doing EXACTLY what they are SUPPOSED to be doing? Wow. Of course you'd prefer the rest of us to get all upset and side with you against the 'unknown pervert' - but your parents just raised you wrong honey. It was their job (and a legal obligation) - and software for that does exist. What is a 12-13 y. o. doing on open Internet anyway - there is a school version of IG for that, limited to just the kids that are enrolled in it, and for this very same reason. Crying wolf, that's all you are doing - I knew at age 8 when someone was looking at me sexually. As do most girls (with that whole 'sexuality is fully developed by 12' - read a bit of psychology on it before you go deluding all these naive people into the new 'organised network of white van men is kidnapping people across America' story). Anything for a bit of attention, eh.
@soleil2666 the way you're so triggered by this post indicates to me that you yourself are a fetish miner
@soleil2666 aw honey you’re cute for thinking that even half the parents out there give a shit about how they behave as a parent. That’s the harsh reality. Not saying that’s how it should be, but it is how it is. Hence nobody can *truly* rely on parents to do their job correctly 🤷🏻♀️ which is why I don’t mind posting informative takes like this. I’m sure someone younger than me will be a little more careful after reading this.
@soleil2666 i do actually agree with you in that i believe that "controlling your children with restrictive software" is the smart way. educating them about the world they live in, how they have to behave and why in order to navigate it properly. people just love to throw all responsibility at others. obviously this isn't a hard task and failing at it is a possibility even if one did everything right but then still i do believe that's a blown up issue. so some random creep on the other side of the planet succeeded to get a picture of your child and wanked over that... so freaking what? no harm in that. sure it's normatively not ok but i'm just "whatever" and move on with live. show me the harm and i'll agree to the necessity of taking action but as is, i don't see that.
i mean you gotta shield them from damage, not from what the world is and protecting them from learning how to deal with it.
i Disagree with your premises, you may have issues
Feel free to elaborate on why being concerned about adults taking advantage of minors means that I have issues!
That's a strawman asker
You are assuming anyone with a fetish is trying to molest children. Your whole argument doesn’t make any sense and is kind of incoherent. You’re saying anyone who doesn’t agree with your sexual desires is somehow a bad person. I’m just here to knock you off your pedestal because you have no idea what you are talking about in this post lol
” I'm not here to kink-shame anyone. If you have a fetish for feet, armpits, necks, certain items of clothing or fabrics, or any of the other things I briefly mentioned in this take, then you do you. As long as you don't ask minors inappropriate questions or you actively try to have other people engage in your fetishes without them knowing/giving you their consent, I don't really care.” Not once did I say in this take that all people with fetishes behave this way or that having a fetish is bad.
Having sexual conversations with minors is bad, it does not matter one way or the other if you talking about feet or some kinky things fetish or not. The fetish has nothing to do with the argument about not talking to minors inappropriately
Except that the fetish is a part of the reason why they’re approaching these girls. Grown women get approached this way too, because it’s easy to disguise a fetish as something innocent and harmless when it’s not a ”mainstream” sexual preference. Just because some people with fetishes behave this way, it doesn’t mean all people with fetishes do. And I never implied otherwise. But that doesn’t mean the fetish itself isn’t an inherent part of the reason why they’re approaching girls like that.
I may have encountered a man like this once online, he was in his 40s. It started with just normal talk and he asked me what kind of porn I liked, which I thought was kinda weird but I'm pretty open about almost everything, so I told him. I thought he was looking for suggestions on what to look at while he did his thing, I know it's weird, and I'm just pretty weird. And I kinda saw this coming, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt: he them told me that it was "kinda hot" so I just said "yeah", and he said "no, I mean you talking about that"... aaand then he sent me a picture of his dick and asked to see mine, so I asked him if he wanted to get circumcised, then he just never replied — strange man.
Oof. Gross. :(
'If you're a girl in the interent (Or someone who has been mistaken for a girl)' I Love this site😂
?,... jjgjdgh
Guys are never targeted by fetish mining. Nuh-uh no way, impossible.
Fake
. I hate attention seeing
Seeking
Yikes
Yeah it really is extremely disturbing.
What's funny to me is how naïve some of these folks can be. I personally am not, nor have ever BEEN, a victim of fetish mining. I'd say it happens almost exclusively to women, and rarely to men. Besides, most men would care if you wanted to exploit their bodies to feed your fetish, if you were female. That shouldn't be a surprise either.
* typo … most men would NOT care
It's up to the person. I am not a supporter but if people want to be mined, so be it.
This shit sounds made up just for this question. Do people really have that much free time?
Never heard of this before
The wonders of the world wide web.
Congratulations on finding something new to be a victim of.
It's not new, I've been on gag since I was 16 (that's nearly 10 years at this point) and I've gotten messages like that pretty much during my entire time on here. This as a phenomenon has probably been around for as long as the internet as we know it (with messaging, forums etc) has been around. And yeah, I'm not a huge fan of creepy men approaching minors. Shocking, I know. I hope I didn't trigger you.
@lumos So how is sexually approaching a 16 year old in any way creepy? You post a sexualised photo of yourself as your avatar, which means you are soliciting attention. Then someone responds (and I'd bet you a whole lot less than you advertise - you're out to be the poor little victim so you need a wolf for it). Was any of it ever illegal? Did you contact any authorities?
@soleil2666 "a whole lot less than you advertise" you have no idea what it's like to be a woman on the internet
@mistixs I really don't want to get into an argument over 'can one expect to be a woman that openly promotes sexuality on what is a medium accessible to any weirdo in the world'. I'm not your opponent there. I trust you have access to protection by some (mostly male) authorities - which many women on the planet don't.
@mistixs @lumos If anything, you girls will have to team up with straight men and against all the WEIRDOS out there, male or female - if you want the freedom to have a relationship to be there. Blaming 'men' will only alienate those you need - the weirdos will not care because they are already used to being faulted, so you will just alienate the sensitive guys out there in this crusade to lie about your victimhoood. How in the world do you manage to be so blind? Try being in law enforcement if you want to see what the world is like. And then see who you can demand protects you - the same straight men you denigrate all the time.
@mistixs @lumos Oh, you do have another choice - blame the straight christian guy for everything, and put a burqa on for protection. If you prefer that, go for it.
@soleil2666 approaching a 16 year old girl as a grown man is creepy because she’s a minor. Also this is not a picture of myself, it’s a selfie of Ariana Grande in what I personally wouldn’t label as a ”sexualized” photo. Other than her, my avatar has been of different cartoons and drawings (pikachu, for instance). I’ve gotten more inappropriate messages when I was younger and when my avatar was of a pikachu. I’m not out here being a victim. I’m trying to explain to people that even seemingly harmless questions can have some pretty gross motives behind them, and that could potentially lead to something even more serious than just asking about your foot size.
@lumos It's not creepy by definition. It is creepy if it has gross motives behind it. Which applies to just about anything else in life. It is fully legal and has been thought through by a much wider range of psychologists and legal professionals - if anything, the topic is not an issue, it is your own traumas that bother you. I would hazard a guess that what you posted about made you seem too available/open for such things - the same happens to men (by gays) if they sound like that. It's not at all a 'girl' problem, it's a universal problem.
@soleil2666 I’m not traumatized by anything.
@soleil2666 also I’ve never posted anything on here to make myself seem ”available” in any way.
@lumos I don't have anything to argue - if you are not traumatised by your creeps there's no issue to speak of, just 'hot air' (smoke and mirrors)
@soleil2666 just because I’m not traumatized it doesn’t mean I don’t want to protect those who are younger and less experienced than me.
@bangyourhead This phenomenon isn't necessarily victimising when the receivers are more aware of the existence of such attempts and mindests like these. This is a matter-of-fact, not a victim mentality.
@lumos Without trauma there isn't a victim to begin with. What you are trying to do is be a media star, an inventor of something new fake. At least be creative - go protect from predatory older women, you might even get a boyfriend that way.
@soleil2666 thank you for being so concerned for my love life, but I already have a boyfriend. If I wanted to be a "media star" I wouldn't post stuff like this on gag. This is hardly the platform that will make anyone a "media star". Also, just because I'm old enough to understand when someone is trying to manipulate me (and not being traumatized by it) it still doesn't mean that nobody else, especially younger people who aren't as experienced, are incapable of being traumatized and taken advantage of. You can also be a victim of something without being completely traumatized by it.
@soleil2666 as a final note, I have no interest in talking to you anymore. You've contributed nothing important to the discussion, most of the time you've really only spent hurling poorly made insults at me, derailing the conversation and creating strawmen.
What's your definition of a little girl? There are different age of consents around the world. I feel like if you are above the age of consent, its up to the person how they handle it. They need to work it out, learn not to hand out personal information or simply ignore these people.
I never knew the official term for it but this is an absolutely great post! Sadly the internet has made this more easy for people to do. Below is an example:
This happened to my sister in an AOL chatroom back when that was a thing lol. My parents found out and took her phone and the computer for an entire month until they were sure whatever perverted old man forgot about her (they also submitted that to the police). My parents (for 2 weeks) put a keylogger on her computer to see if she went back or tried to make contact again. She didn't. So they took it off and were much more careful letting us have internet access.
I'm glad your parents knew exactly what to do! So many people nowadays just let their kids do whatever they want online without ever checking up on them. They still have no clue what's going on online, and seem to have no interest in being up to date with all the new forms of social media and how their kid is potentially using these platforms. I get that it can feel exhausting and boring to know what tiktok is or wtf all these slime trends are about, but it can all look very harmless and nonsensical on the surface until you dive a little bit deeper into it. It's so important for parents to be more involved and make sure they know what their kid is doing online, and who they're talking to.
My parents were more progressive than what my sister and I gave them credit for, and they still are. I still find myself going to them for certain things!
Girls exploit fetish communities all the time so who cares
@mistixs those two words are by no means contradictory... wtf
@mistixs like in the way sugar babies exploit sugar daddies. Preying on a weakness that's by definition, exploitation. Most dudes with fetishes are insanely desperate. It's like an addiction and getting some is rare. by the way girls with fetishes are the same way, trust me, I'd know. So you have people exploiting the communities for money
The Merriam Webster definition of the word exploit in the context that we're using it in is "to make use of meanly or unfairly for one's own advantage" I'd say taking advantage of someone's desperation fits the bill
@mistixs If you get desperate for a soda then you have an addiction and should probably seek psychiatric help
Bad analogy. Bad mistixs. I mean ik you aren't very bright, I've seen you try to hold your own in a debate before. Pretty sad but anyway no, this is more like bottles water. Yeah bottled water used to be a controversial thing and to this day still kinda is. Should a necessity like water be treated like a commodity just because companies like Nestle have the ability to harvest rain water?
@mistixs Definitely an exploitation. If I took advantage of a lonely girl's desperation for sex would you not say that's exploitative? Actually I'm pretty sure you would. I assume you aren't apart of any of these groups so you wouldn't get it. Do you think if a company started making LGBTQ content without actually supporting them, but instead as just a shameless cash grab that isn't exploitation?
@mistixs Well aren't you the cynic. Seriously? Willingly taking advantage of someone's situation even if they do know that's fucking disgusting. I guess you're just the type then
@mistixs I think most e girls do fool their patrons about personal interest/connection. For proof just watch any e girl twitch channel, see how they talk to the paid subscribers vs free subscribers lol. Occasionally they sell their bathwater too but that's fair game 😂
@mistixs why are you repeating that same beaten argument? I already told you this is more like charging for water. I'd assume someone who asks so many sex questions would at least understand the psychological aspects of it, but nope you're just dumb
@Ellie-V No you're intentionally misinterpreting my hypothetical. I'm saying in this example this girl is desperate for love or whatever, so you come in saying lets have sex and out of her desperation she agrees. That's taking advantage of someone, that's exploitation
@lumos, taking advantage of someone's loneliness. Trust me, no guy actually enjoys that. It's DESPERATION. You dumbasses need to look up the definition of exploit
@mistixs saying "let's have sex" is deceiving? Being open with your intentions is deceiving? No, you just know I'm right and you don't wanna admit it. Stupid girl. You don't care when the shoe is on the other foot. Just a hypocrite
That doesn't matter, anyone who does this including men and women are rather disgusting.
I’ve never had that! I’ve been out with hundreds of guys too lol
So why would you give a shit if some stranger is wanking to pics of your feet?
I give a shit about strangers wanking to underage girls.
Well they'll do it to girls in advertising circulars so you'd best not worry yourself about it.
The problem is that it's not just wanking though, they're actually approaching these girls and trying to talk to them/get more information about them.