Fiance wants to have sex with me but I don’t feel ready. How can I tell him that I want to wait until marriage?

We did it once but it hurt so bad. I’m
also afraid of pain.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Oh honey! You have a problem. Waiting will not make it better. It will make it worse. Women are designed differently. The first time might be much more painful for some than others. Some women claim no pain the first time.

    It is not necessarily that he was rough, but perhaps he was not as patient as he should have been?

    Sex is part of adult life. It is normal.

    If you plan to marry the man, you must eventually have sex with him. Doing it once then stopping is incredibly rough on a fellow. He is likely going insane with desire for you. If he truly loves you (and he probably does if you are engaged), he wants to please you not just to use you.

    It is a DUTY of both of you to talk this situation out.

    If you feel like you made a mistake by not waiting, TELL HIM.
    If you are more afraid of pain than the matter of sex before marriage, TELL HIM THAT. Describe to him your EXACT EXPERIENCE & talk about each and every single second of your prior encounter. It might make him very horny to talk about it, but you MUST!!

    Be honest with the man.

    I am willing to bet that he could seek some advice, some videos -something and discover something he might do to make it more pleasant for you. Whether you two wait till the weeding, or not.

    Your private life is yours, but if it is not working, you are RIGHT to seek advice. This anonymous internet stuff is a wise move for you. I congratulate you on seeking help.

    Here are some suggestions in non-numerical order:
    1. Touch your man. Use your hands to pleasure him & to give him some much-needed physical release. This will reduce your anxiety, familiarize yourself with him more intimately & give him something wonderful to dream about while waiting for you to be ready.

    2. Explore oral sex. Touch him with the tip of your tongue. Try taking the tip into your mouth & massaging just the tip with your tongue. Try taking more of him into your mouth, then massage as much of the shaft as you wish. Tell him its your party & you decide what to do and how to do it. Ask him what feels best, if he likes this or that more. Consider a little teasing before finishing him off. If you want to try swallowing, first hold his cum in your mouth & imagine how much he must love you and imagine how good you just made him feel, watch his body movements & facial expressions, listen to his words. Swish it around till it is the consistency of water/spit THEN swallow. That will be your best plan. Besides, then you can taste him fully, tease him a bit & then put your mouth on him AGAIN right away. Most likely, that will be an even more intense feeling for him after he came the first time.

    3. Tell him you want his attention, that you want to experience the delight of his mouth upon you. Tell him you dreamt of his kisses on your neck, lower back, breasts, belly, hips, inner thighs, backside of your knees, your sweet little love box. Tell him you may not be ready for full penetration yet, but he can help you get ready by using just his tongue to bring you to climax. (or tongue & fingertips maybe?) Coach your man telling him what you find most delightful. Tell him first not to get his hopes up bc you are pretty sure you want to wait, but that you want to be ready for him at the proper time. Note that this will likely arouse him immensely. It would be best if you had a plan to make him cum during the same encounter (hands, mouth or even a bought toy)

    4. Seek the counsel of mature women you respect & trust to keep your secrets safe.

    5. If you decide to wait. ... do all you can to prepare yourself for the next full sexual encounter. Fingers are a GREAT plan, but toys are a possible option. A personal massager, even if used only on the outside, is a great way to ready yourself mentally & emotionally for your much loved & desired husband. While waiting, monitor your man. Talk with him about the subject as often as you feel acceptable (at least monthly!) Monitor his sexual stress levels & help him out!

    6. Trust yourself!

  • There are ways to tell him how you feel, but what makes you think a wedding ceremony will make sex any different than the first time you've already had sex. Maybe you should tell him that it hurt very bad the first time and you want to try some things differently.

    The only way to really go about it is to just come out and say you want to wait. But I can almost guarentee it will confuse him because you've already had sex once so his question will be why not again?

    Maybe you should talk to him about sex was painful and you want to try some different methods.

    • What different methods? I don’t want it at all

    • Trying different positions, maybe he went too fast, did you use lube? Lots of things can impact why it was painful. Maybe there are other things as well that could impact your aversion to sex.

Most Helpful Girls

  • So question, is the reason that you genuinely want to wait until marriage or that it’s too painful? This is something you must address, because if you don’t want to ever have sex with him, you’d essentially be lying, making him wait for nothing, which is wrong, he should know where you stand and decide if that works for him. However if you do want to eventually have sex, there are things you could try to make it more pleasurable, like foreplay, and lube helps a lot. It could also be an underlying issue that you’d need to see a doctor for. I’ve read of women who physically can’t have sex no matter how hard they try, and all because of how their vagina is structured.

    • Smart message

  • If you've already had sex; so why not suck hid dick?

    • Are you crazy? How about my feelings?

    • I’m not ready at all

    • Well, you didn't say anything about your feelings; so I thought it was just an issue of pain. Plus if you aren't emotionally ready to have sex now; why did you have sex with him the first time?

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 7
  • Just tell him but be ready for him to be very, very unhappy. Work on how to do it without all the pain but do it. You need to be sure it works for both of you before you enter a lifetime commitment.

  • You should just be honest with him and say exactly how you feel. Also, once you get used to it sex shouldn't be painful at all so you shouldn't judge it based on your first time

  • Just say no to his face that you don't want do it till after the marriage
    Just be honest on such topics you have every right to say no until you are actually ready.

  • If you are really not ready to have sex now, tell him frankly to wait till marriage.

  • How do you know he's your boyfriend, if you haven't had sex

    • What a dumb wuestion!

    • Question*

    • Not really Sexless relationships, aren't relationships

    • Show All
  • Will the pain disappear because you get married?
    I don't get your thinking...

    • I feel guilty without marriage - that is why

  • Just tell him how