First date guy got rough with me, red flag or not?

I met this guy a month ago, we talked everyday on the phone and a week ago we met. He came to pick me up at work at 1am and drove us to a beach, we walked, he brought snacks with him so at some point we sat and eat them. Went back to the car and started engaging in sexual acts. I came really hard about 3 times and on the last it was from oral but he gripped my wrist so hard it bruised and felt like it was broken.

He took me home, got into my garage and got out to walk me to my front door. When we entered the garage door he asked if I had cum later that night to which I replied "no" but I actually didn't. He threw me against a wall, choked me and started fucking me against a raw concrete wall. I'm not flexible but he still lifted me leg so high it felt like he was going to break my back. He then walker me to my front door, said his goodbye and called me the next morning but I didn't pick up. Through texts we've discussed our preferences when it comes to sex, he said he likes to inflict pain until he sees a girl collapse in his arms I said I enjoy pain as well but not to that extent and how important it is for me for my partner to connect to my needs.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • You didn't make it clear if this discussion was had before or after the sex, but he's told you what he likes, and you've experienced his interpretation of that. If that isn't what you want, then you need to tell him that and establish your boundaries, and you need to be okay if he's not okay with them and moves on. You aren't obligated to accept pain that you don't want, but he's not obligated to change - it just means that the two of you aren't compatible, and you need to be able to accept that and move on if that turns out to be the case.

    And in the future, it's better to have that discussion BEFORE you have sex the first time, and be clear on what your wishes and boundaries are. That way, you're much less likely to have this happen.

    To be fair, lots of girls would love to have a man who did those things to them, though plenty would NOT want that either. Liking it or not liking it is not the issue - you can go either way - what is important is that you and the guy are on the same page, and with THIS particular guy, you may not be. Maybe you can negotiate something that works for both of you, and maybe you can't, and if you can't, then you need to let him go.

  • I wasn’t on the ground there when it happened, so I don’t *know*, but it sure sounds to me, based on your description of events, like he forced you.

    It’s your business, but if that doesn’t add up to ‘rape’ it’ll probably do just fine until ‘rape’ can get to town.

    I never once forced a woman like that, and I had a few coy little sluts play the ‘NO at the very last second’ game.

    But not a one of them had anything going on between her legs that I couldn’t get a double measure of from someone else, and I deferred to their wishes on every such occasion.

    Pussy is ‘OK’ fun, but it isn’t worth prison.

    You probably should pick your fruit from a higher branch. Too many women have ended up in a shallow grave in the boondocks somewhere at the hands of knuckle-dragging goombas who can’t control themselves any better than this.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • RED FLAG...

    he sounds like a masochist and obviously likes to inflict pain and dominance. if you dont like that then walk away, as he is obviously going to do it again. after all he done it on a first date when most guys are trying to impress a woman not hurt them so they dont come back lol

  • Yes. Bad behavior on his part…not how u treat a woman

  • It sounds a bit out of control. If he can't chill on giving out pain then dump him and move on

  • Its crazy to me that u would need to ask if this is a red flag sorry who taught u is this your first sexual experience

    • Yeah crazy cause the story smells of bull shit.

    • Meh impossible to know if it is or not just silly one would need to ask if that's a red flag or not

    • This was my first date ever and my second time having sex with a guy.

    • Show All
  • It’s a huge red flag, especially with the choking. If you don’t want this or worse, run.

  • That flag is SO red, it's turning PURPLE!
    Bail before YOU turn purple, too.

  • You'd be a two times idiot if you ever saw him again. You were an idiot the first time for fucking him the night you met.

  • Yes, that has red flag written all over it.

    • My issue is that I really liked him as a person but I don't want to have sex like that ever again. But I'm a people’s pleasure that finds it so hard to confront others when I'm the one that feels uncomfortable and since I didn't say anything I know he's going to take it as me being into what he has done

    • Its your call, but it sounds like he practically raped you. Find the courage to tell him if that happens again you are done.

  • Damn what a rough story. I like rough sex too but there is a limit. Some pains are satisfying but some pains are extreme.

  • Red Flag all the way.

  • WTF get ot now before you really get hurt