First time we had sex was good but why did he not climax?

So I started dating this guy who I have known for about a good 3-4 months now. Went on a few dates and when we finally had sex for the first time, everything was okay at first. But like around 20 minutes into it, he said he felt tired. We tried doing blowjobs and him jerking off instead but when we tried humping again he got soft and just did not cum. I find this weird because he says he haven't had sex in a while so I expected him to be cumming uncontrollably or pre-ejaculating. Does that mean he is not too attracted to me? He had a long work day before our date but we had no booze or anything like that. Should I feel worried or did he just lose interest in me?

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Superb Opinion

  • It was just your first time together, and it was already good, so that's fine for now. Just have patience and enjoy each other.

    Most men would rather come too early than not at all, especially after a dry spell. It is not like that for everyone, though. As he can come with masturbation, he will eventually come during intercourse as well, it's almost certain, though not necessarily every time.

    After 20 minutes he then had enough. I think that's normal as well. Once you are together longer you learn things that help turn him on again. Or you are patient. Without the release in the end it is likely that he will again get hot maybe in 30 minutes after some cuddling or whatever you both like.

    • Thanks for this. I did send him a quick message saying I appreciate his time and effort. But he just left me on read. Either he's probably busy or it wasn't as good for him as I've thought. Thinking it's a non-starter. Oh well. It is what it is.

    • I realize I just assumed he wants to be with you. By the time we have the first sex I'm always already sure, but again people are different. It's possible he does not want to pursue it further. I suppose there would be nothing you could do then. You should insist on getting a guy who is really into you at this stage. I wonder if you had sex too soon. I like it better when the emotional bond is already stronger, so that nobody would ever drop the other based on how well the first sex goes. Between people who care for each other it can get a lot better over time.

    • That's what I thought too since he was initially very straightforward about finding a girlfriend and how he's held off intimacy as he was waiting for the right one. But then, the mixed signals and the ignoring of some messages start. So now I'm just left really confused. I really appreciate your time in responding by the way. Thanks.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Could be- but I wouldn't worry too much that in itself. Watch how he acts around you going forward. If he starts acting more distant and interacting with you less, then maybe, but it's more likely he genuinely WAS tired, physically or mentally or both (which is a sexual death sentence to that encounter). If he doesn't seem to change much, then things probably just didn't work out that one time. It happens; just make note of what he DID seem to enjoy and try again later.

    • If he asks me out again, I'll make sure to try all your advice. Thanks a lot! :)

    • You're welcome- hope it all works out for you!

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Sounds like he really was physically tired.

    • To be fair, he did say that he had an exhausting day, so you're right.

  • It could easily be anxiety about his performance.

    Also, once a guy starts worrying about staying hard, it can just make things worse as it becomes all you can focus on, instead of the incredibly hot experience and girl you're with.

    Make it a non-issue and you'll be fine.

    • Hopefully, it'll be fine. But yikes, if he starts to ignore texts yet still keeping up with my social media stuff, that's more likely a sign he'll ghost me, right?

  • His penis is desensitized from masturbating and can’t feel the full feeling of your vagina.

    • Yeah, I did get to read up on this. Maybe if he eases off on that, we could try again. Thanks for your input.

    • You’re very welcome. Same problem with me. When my wife and I had our son together, it was hell but I refrained from masturbating for two weeks. Which somehow I was able to do, if it wasn’t running errands, or shopping for baby stuff, the two weeks passed by and we had penis in vagina sex. It took me quite a while but I finally ejaculated into her vagina and we rolled over together and I was on the bottom. She said I’m going to get off you and lay upside down against the wall. I was so out of it, that when she got off me I saw a Bunch of my semen pour out of her and my flaccid penis fall out of her vagina. It was such an incredible sight. 😎👍🙂

  • Did you ask him why?

    • Not really. I told him after, "sorry that you didn't get to cum". He said "No, I just need some practice." And well yeah, during sex he kept pausing and would say "I just got tired". I am just a bit apprehensive that it might be because he wasn't turned on enough or he didn't find me that attractive. Would a guy say he's tired just to be nice to me?

    • How old is he?

    • In his 40s

    • Show All
  • He might be impotent.

    • Hope not though.

  • Nerves, jacks off too much, watches porn?

    • Yeah, because of his long dry spell he says he has become very reliant on porn.