Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
On Girlsaskguys, and on the internet in general, I noticed a lot of entries from guys, particularly older guys, plagued about losing their virginity, but are uncertain or nervous on how to do it. I understand where you’re coming from. I was once there myself, although it was more peer pressure on me rather than me feeling desperate. Here is some advice below that might help, or at least it did for me. I’ll also tell you how I lost my virginity. At the very least, it should provide some interesting reading. Women might also find this interesting, as this all comes from a male perspective.
The trick is, guys need to expand their horizons, focus on positive activities that build self-confidence. I'm not talking about Dungeons and Dragons or Fantasy Sports (those are things that nerds use as a substitute for women), but things women are more interested in, like ice skating lessons, art lessens, or Arthur Murray dance lessons (women love a guy who knows how to dance, plus the fact that in the dance studio, women outnumber guys at least 2 to 1, and most of the other guys are just husbands anyway). In short, explore life and it's opportunities (non-sexual, at first). Along with all this comes a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence, and it builds up your social skills. You can then have a network of friends (and women friends), and can get comfortable talking with them. The key here is to gain self-confidence, because if you don't have confidence in yourself, a woman won't have confidence in you. Many of these women will just be friends, and nothing more, but some of them might find you interesting in a more intimate way. Even older women, even old grandmas, you're not trying to score with them, but just get comfortable talking to them as women. As they get to know you, they'll probably have your back, and maybe steer you to a nice girl they know, or weed out the skanks coming your way. Also, if you go out on a date, always be courteous and respectful, even if it doesn't work out. It might evolve into something intimate, or you both might just end up talking and having a nice time together, and that's it. She might think that you're not right for her, but she might think of you as a good match for one of her friends, or a sister, etc. Don't burn your bridges!
True, there are mean skanks and gold diggers out there who can hurt you, but there are many women who would love to be with a positive, caring guy. I've heard there are some who actually get off doing virgins. Don't just go after the foxes. Foxy women are nice to look at, but it's what a woman has in her heart that counts, and the woman you end up with may not be foxy at all by most men's definition. What matters is that she's willing to share herself (and not just her body) with you. There are probably women out there who have their own social and shyness issues, too. Some of them might even be afraid of men. You won't find them hanging around in bars, maybe a church.
As for me, I was a virgin until I was 25, because of social backwardness, and lack of confidence. I was skinny, ugly, no brothers or sisters, and had some pretty crappy parents (I sometimes wonder why they even brought me into this world). In high school, I never kissed a girl, went to dances, or dated. People thought I was arrogant because I always kept my head down, wouldn't look at anybody, or say, 'hi!'. The truth is, I wasn't arrogant at all, just withdrawn and hoping I would be as invisible as possible. They also thought I was some closet queer, and had great names for me too, like 'faggot' and 'fairy boy'. The only friends I had were a few nerd guys that were in the same situation as me. At that time, I was considering suicide, not so much over the virgin thing, but just because my whole life was all jacked up.
After the high school years, I moved away from my parents, did a lot of growing up, and started exploring and living life as I described above. I did some partying, went tubing down creeks with friends, and took an interest in ice skating lessons. It all made me feel a little more accomplished and confident. There were some assholes at work that were giving me some grief about me needing to get laid, but I felt strong enough inside to go at my own pace.
One day, I was down at the ice rink working on some skating moves, and a woman skated over to me (she was only good enough to just stay on her feet), and said I was doing some pretty cool skating. I said ‘thanks’, and showed her how to do some skating that I knew, and we just ended up talking and becoming friends. As we told each other about ourselves, I found out we were the same age (25), she was married, loved her husband, but he was about 15 or 20 years older than her, and didn’t seem to be spending much time with her, and she was looking for a little more excitement in her life. She apparently had a much more revved up sex drive than him, and seemed to be hinting this to me. After a couple of weeks of meeting down at the ice rink, she invited me to lunch. I was surprised, and felt a little uncomfortable getting this cozy with a married woman, but she encouraged me to accept. At lunch, among other things she was making references about how she really loved sex (hint?), and that she had fooled around with some other guy recently (hint?). I decided to invite her over to my place, and surprise to me, she accepted. We went to my place, I showed her around, then we sat on the couch together and talked. She never asked me anything about past experience and I didn't tell her I was a virgin (as a rule, don't ever lay that crap out there). She had told me a while back about her one knee hurting, and mentioned it again. I offered to massage her knee, and she was ok with it. I massaged her knee, her other knee, then her thighs, and she seemed to be enjoying it. I decided to lean over and kiss her, and she kissed me back. My hand was still massaging her thigh as we were kissing, and I moved it to her pussy, She grabbed my wrist immediately, indicating she wasn’t going there. I was cool about it, and backed off. We stopped, and just did some idle chit-chat for about a minute, and then all of a sudden she said, “oh, hell with it”, and was kissing all over me. She then had no problem with my hands roaming all over her. We went back to my bed, and she wanted to undress me. I let her undress me, then I told her I wanted to undress her, which she liked. She told me not to scratch her up, as she didn't want her husband asking questions. We had fun kissing, and exploring each other's bodies with our hands. I opened her legs, and she showed me her pussy. I had never been that close to a woman’s vagina, and took a second just to be amazed at it. I went down on her orally, licking her pussy lips, then her clit, which she loved, and then I decided to work a finger in and out of her while licking her clit. I guess I was unknowingly rubbing her G spot, and ended up giving her an orgasm that took her into the stratosphere. After catching her breath, she told me how fantastic it was. I had a condom ready just in case, but she told me she didn't like the feel of condoms, and preferred to do it all natural. She took the initiative, leaned into me, indicating for me to lay on the bed face up. She then straddled me, kissing me all over for a minute, then mounted me, and started riding me. It felt so good inside her, and watching her female body as she was working me was wonderful. It was almost like we were one person. I wanted that moment to last forever, but after about a minute or two, the pleasure was building and becoming so intense that I couldn’t hold back much longer. I finally had to let go, and came inside her. She rode me for about another minute, and then dismounted me. She layed back down on the bed, didn’t say a word, but just looked at me. I didn’t ask her what she was thinking, but her face had a relaxed and satisfied look. I just rolled over to her and put my arm around her. I had enough confidence and composure to do it and I don't think she even suspected I was a virgin. I didn't have to pay for it. I didn't have to beg for it. It was just something special she wanted to give me. I didn’t feel any different afterwards, didn’t feel like I was ‘more of a man’, or anything like that. The only thing different was that the virgin-shaming assholes at work got off my case. I guess they had to go find somebody else to make fun of. That was 35 years ago.
A couple of years later, I met the woman who would become my wife. We’ve been married for 30 years, and I love her very much. We had two kids, all grown up now. Once in high school, I overheard two girls talking about me. I don’t know if they knew I heard them, or if they even cared, but one of them said, “he’ll never get anybody”. How wrong that prediction turned out. I’m in a much better place now than in those days.
Hope this helps. Hang in there.
I'm still a work in progress LOL!
Mark
What Girls & Guys Said
1 2It's cool you invited me but... helping a married chick cheat... I do think it'd mostly be her responsibility since she's the married one, but that part reads more like a fantasy. And you could have told the guys your sex life is none of their business. They would've joked more probably but I think you should either insult people like that back or totally ignore them.
Those creepy insults from people and the bullying sound disgusting. But still, why believe then even a little? They all sound like really stupid people to me.
I assure you, it's not fantasy. Everything in that story really happened. My affair with the married woman didn't last long, as I said something stupid to her that I regret, and I never saw her again.
My problem is I already did a lot of activities and that helped me in all the other aspects but not with women. Women never wanted me and they still don't. So obviously even you can't help me. But thanks for trying and thanks for sharing!
I get emails every now and then about hot Asian honeys, Russian babes, or 'fuck buddies' that want to meet me. I laugh at these emails and delete them, but if I were a younger single guy, I'd look into that.
Great take. I'm not a virgin but I think you've made some important points that virgins could learn from.
One being that nothing changes after you have sex and that the whole becoming a "man" thing is a myth.
Sex is great but dry spells still happen so you should never tie sex to your self esteem, identity, or worth for that matter.
It's kinda interesting because even though I'm not a virgin and have had lots of dates, my issue went from not getting any at all when i was younger to not finding a stable relationship. This kinda reinforces how quality is more important than quantity.