For the ACTUAL bi-ladies... How is this best proposed?

[EQisKEY]

I say "actual" because too many times, my girl at the time would use her dating apps to search for other bisexual ladies to organize threesome encounters. And even though it was made clear from the beginning that was the case, a second confirmation was asked up front immediately, as soon as the idea of a male specimen joining the scene comes to light, they ghost... Could be God damn Brad Pitt or Jason Momoa or whoever the hell your Prince charming is, they didn't even give it a chance to see pictures or ask questions or anything.

And then my girl at the time would say, yeah, guys are definitely more down to earth with this kind of stuff. Even she admitted she never knows what to say to a female, because it's more like avoiding stepping on mines than it is simply speaking normally. And she would ask some of them, if you say you are by, and I confirmed it, how is it that you are put off by the idea of a man?

And the average answer was, "just not right now" 🙄... Wishy washy people get wishy-washy results.

Anyway, if you are officially bisexual, meaning you enjoy the company both of masculine and feminine, and are open to the idea of a hot couple welcoming your presence to compromise on an ideal set of circumstances, what would be your dream approach?

And please, if this is not up your alley, there is no need to comment as so. Posting "I wouldn't" or "not for me" helps absolutely nobody benefit from this platform. Neutral is not an answer.

Thanks

[ludorock]

I understand the frustration you're feeling, but, as a bi woman who's been propositioned for this kind of thing many times, I hope you'll listen to the flip side of this offer?

It very often feels like I'm just a fetish. Yes I like men, yes I like women, but that doesn't mean that I want to be in threesomes. When I was online dating, going clubbing and in college it was a weekly occurrence to be proposition by a straight man and his straight girlfriend. Sometimes she would be bi, but it really didn't matter. Because it happens all the time, it feels like I'm just a fetish. Someone they can use to fulfill (often only his) fantasy. There's a term - unicorn - for it.

I understand how it feels from your perspective, I get it. But from mine, and other bi women like me, it's just annoying and exhausting. I don't want to be part of some man's fantasy. 9 times out of 10 those encounters are unsatisfying, awkward and we don't climax, if we even feel good at all. I don't want to make out with some random girl when her boyfriend is gawking at us. It's just so uncomfortable. If I knew the couple well then maybe, but I, and many other bi women, don't want to be a part of some couple's fantasy threesome.

It's not that a man is involved, and it's not that we don't like men - it's that it's a fantasy and that's all we become in that moment. We are not cared about, our pleasure is not cared about and it's really uncomfortable. Especially after the fact, we're just a third wheel.

I don't blame you or her for wanting a threesome, that's great! I'm glad you're exploring and having fun, but I hope you see how it feels to the bi-women you are reaching out to. I'm not sure if there is a good way other than 'hey I have a good friend who's bi, maybe we can talk to her' because then there's already trust, already a relationship.

[EQisKEY]

Another case of "bad apples ruined it for the rest of us" 🙄... Because that has not been our experience at all. We treat it like we're the hosts of the vibe and go the extra 10miles for our proverbial guest to receive every hospitality imaginable. An open dialogue where everyone states their likes and dislikes solves for any guess work from which "awkward" breeds. It's only ideal for us if you enjoy your to the point where you vote for a 2nd encounter. Anything else would prove the need for more practice to make such facts clearer and clearer.

[ludorock]

That's exactly it. And given the fact that you listened to my reply, respected it and responded with grace and kindness genuinely makes me believe you. I hope you find someone, Maybe try that kind of opening - looking for a long term partner, something something, build relationshop, something something talk about what we want, make it good for all something... that would definitely feel and sound different than the normal proposition.

[EQisKEY]

... 👌