Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health Gave my boss a blowjob. It saved us but I feel terrible.
Anonymous
My husband and I (married for 1 year) work at the same place for the same boss. Totally different functions though, so we don't have any influence on each other's job. Our boss had to let 6 people go and my husband was one of them. We did not see that coming and it totally ruined us. We had to sell our car and were in serious dept. We just needed some extra income so he could get a new job, for which he needed a car and extra schooling. I asked my boss so many times for a promotion, did all the extra work I could but he wouldn't give it. He did always flirt with me and checked me out. I got desperate and thought I could use his interest in me as an advantage and I got on my knees for him. Now my husband has always hated this guy's guts. They went to school together and kind of bullied my husband, so he was not happy when he became the new boss of the company. I did get the promotion and it saved our lives tbh. My husband got his new job, got out of his depression and we payed our dept. But I of course am living with a terrible mixed feeling for saving us and living with a horrible secret. I keep thinking of how I was doing my very best to give the guy who almost ruined our lives the time of his life. I even acted like I was more enthusiastic than he was. I even told him I liked pleasing him better than my husband to get him off. I did a terrible thing yet do not know if it was the worst option. I also am shocked of how one asshole can play with peoples lives for a blowjob. Please give me some opinions cause I don't know what to think.
Updates:
+1 y
I went to a therapist. She said these things happen a lot more than most think. She said it was a terrible mistake but that I shouldn't keep it on my mind and that guilt doesn't help. Also said that telling my husband might not be the best choice.
1 7
What Girls & Guys Said
25 63That is awful and you should have reported him because there are laws against gender discrimination and sexual harassment.
Unless I'm reading her post incorrectly, I thought she was saying that she THOUGHT it might help so she went down on him. The implication being that he didn't say anything about a promotion in return for the BJ, or even that he used his position of authority since she instigated it. I'm not defending his behavior, he sounds like a total sleazeball, but I don't think her only dilemma here is her husband finding out... I'm pretty sure she'd end up being fired (alongside him) if she reports it. They both acted inappropriately but willfully. Again, unless I'm interpreting it wrong.
Discrimination? Sexual Harrassment? WTF? Did we read the same post?
Shit I answered half dead... morning... and only scumbag bosses accept blowjobs and shit like that. That is very unprofessional on his part and yes it qualifies as sexual harassment and gender discrimination because if she was a man she would never have found herself in that position unless her boss was gay
Unless he was gay. Or... a woman? I understand how it's inappropriate. I just don't get how it's "very unprofessional" for the boss and not the female employee, who by her own account decided that she thought it'd help get a promotion. If anyone's a victim, I'd say it's the other employees (possibly women) who were laid off because they didn't trade their body for a promotion. I'm just saying that if she complains and tells her story as it's put forward here, she'll be fired too. They should both be fired. He didn't force his attentions on her, she initiated a sexual act. She's at fault for that and he's at fault for not ending it and leaving the room. If an HR rep were given this story as is, that's how it looks. Unless there are other facts not presented. And it would be the same if it were a female boss and a male employee. Just because she is a woman and he's a man, how does that imply gender discrimination? I don't mean to sound like I'm jumping down your throat lol
"only scumbag bosses accept blowjobs and shit like that." What about scumbag whores for wives that proposition their husbands tormentor with a dick sucking? "That is very unprofessional on his part" But totally and completely professional on her part to drop to her knees and offer to put his cock in her mouth. "and yes it qualifies as sexual harassment and gender discrimination because if she was a man she would never have found herself in that position unless her boss was gay" And what position would that be? The position to have another card in your back pocket for desperate measures? Which is clearly how she viewed her situation, not at a disadvantage, but an advantage over any guy in the office who had no back up plan, or for that matter over the less attractive females.
Never tell your husband.. it will ruin him for life! See therapy for this on your own... then try to leave the job of this asshole
Right now there is no rush to decide if it was right or wrong but you need to start doing Damage Control right now. Better tell your husband as their is a higher chance of saving your marriage if you did tell him.
good to know success in this country still has little to do with hard work or qualification - when it comes down to it, it all hinges on whether or not one will suck the man's cock.
but politics aside, i would keep this one to yourself. you aren't the first. you certainly won't be the last. prostitution is called "the world's oldest profession" for a very good reason. At best, you could aspire to one day out-rank your current boss, and then treat him like shit as best as you legally can. And if he ever asks for any other sexual favors, file a sexual harassment lawsuit immediately. Of course, you'll have to tell your husband if you do, because that's likely to come up in the case.
You betrayed your husband and sold your dignity and made a fool of your husband for extra money. If I was you husband, I'd leave you. I wouldn't care what your intentions were. To betray him so completely to someone he despises is unforgivable. How can you live with yourself? You took the easy route rather than doing the right thing and finding another way. You'd better pray to God that pig doesn't blackmail you into more favors and that your husband never finds out. I doubt he'd think it was worth it.
+1 This female's lack of genuine consideration and respect for her husbands feelings is absolutely disgraceful.
Your blow job saved you both from being homeless in the streets.
You said in the post, he had depression from not having a job... so if you did tell him you gave his fucked up bully, a blow job, he'll fall into another perhaps deeper depression. And he might do something irrational like going to kill that fucked up shit head... ? Consider the probabilities. When you decide to tell him is crucial timing.
You're right not to tell him. Not now.. Maybe one day when he is strong enough to handle the truth... with the therapist present.
Why are all these guys acting like they're your husband or therapist? lol// I thought they're supposed to be neutral and not take sides and call you names or be rude.
Pro, you're just being impulsive. Grow up.
This is an advice forum... Please refrain from being one sided and weird like a lot of the young people here who are too emotionally traumatised by what QA done... I'm not QA and you're not my husband.
You're right if I was you'd be in a coma...
You're the one losing your marbles like some others here.
I think people are disgusted on several levels. There's the infidelity thing, then the fact that a lot of the girls' responses are condemning the boss's actions in the workplace while making her out to be some kind of a victim of sexual assault, and the fact that a lot of the people on GAG are generally very one sided on issues of "men Vs. women" which is what this was inevitably going to turn into pretty fast lol. Does it have anything to do with the "What should I do?" question she asked? No, not directly. But this question was bound to incite all kinds of riot due to the nature of what she did and the demographic of posters on this site.
And they're emotionally immature people. I've heard and seen worse. She didn't do it out of pleasure but to help out her husband so they can have a roof over their heads. She didn't do it out of lust like so many people who can easily sleep with over sixty people and pretend like it's nothing.
"She didn't do it out of lust". Okay, then she is a common prostitute. I mean, what's the difference? I have no problem with people who sleep around when they are single. They are free to do whatever the fuck they want. But getting down on your knees to please your husband's bully in order to get a promotion? How do you condone that?
She did what she was expected, and was supposed to do.
These things always happen at the bottom level in a lot of companies and middle sized businesses. People crawl on bosses everyday to hope for a promotion. She's asking for advice here for how to DEAL with it. I won't bash her and most negative opinions are speaking from their side only. Remember both her and husband are in serious debt and need to get out fast before they'll end up on the streets?
Account, its not like she's sleeping or marrying with the boss to get her way up to the top of the company.
Wait a minute... The "18-24 year old" is calling people "immature" and saying "grow up?" LOL! You don't know crap yet. She should tell him and be done. Lying is cancerous to a relationship.
If this is a true story then this is terrible and you should be ashamed of yourself... but equally never tell your husband if you love him.
She should tell him. He has a right to know. Not telling him is being further selfish because that's just her preserving her own wishes. Shouldn't even be up for debate.
What kind of relationship is it with this dark cloud hanging over them? This relationship will sink from this lie forward. Only the truth will set her free
The truth would set HER free, not him. And love is about sacrifice. She is in the wrong and shouldn't make her husband pay for that.
It's not her telling him that would break his heart. It's the fact that she sucked off their boss who's a bully to him that would break his heart. Don't get it twisted.
I'm pretty sure that this is a troll post but just incase it isn't then what you did was both terrible & unforgivable you're nothing more than a cheating slut & should feel ashamed of yourself. So if you truly LOVE your husband then please tell him what you've done so he can hurry up & leave your ass for greener pastures. He deserves far better than you... (:
I saw your comment.. Women don't deserve marriage =(
I can't believe that so many people defend her.
If you live in a small town where everybody knows each other's business, i'd understand why you took that risk.
I rather you don't tell him, it really break him in half to know you sold your dignity to that asshole.
Because living with a lie that huge in your relationship is any better. I would never want my wife to keep something like this from me, she's my wife for Christ's sakes she's supposed to be HONEST with me. The damage to my dignity would be nothing compared to the knowledge that my wife had given a blowjob to a guy I hated then lied about it for years acting like it never happened...
Talking to QA. Not to you.
I don't think I can tell him. I also think this secret should be buried. I don't understand your first sentence though. Small town means riskier in my eyes...
You know it's kind of a small town if your boss went to the same school as your husband.
I'd start being prepared to hear opinions from everyone, not just the asker. This is an opinion site, not a one-on-one chat.
If you're considering lying to your lover, especially if you're trying to do it "for him" then you know you're in the wrong, period. Relationships are about honesty, marriage doubly so.
Dude this is not about you. It's about QA. I'm here to support her. Not judge her. If you have an issue with me, complain to sparrow about it.
QA... I would say you have to tell him. That is one hell of a secret to keep... and keeping things a secret makes that action even worse. Unfortunately, you will have to suffer a consequence for such an action...
WassPoppin: Why are you insulting me? There are other people who have advise the same thing, i have said. Do Not Tell Him. Why are n't you, Rail2k and Rotarymoon attacking others too? I'm not married nor have i ever suck someone's dick to advance my career.
It's full moon today, i can see why people are going crazy here
Pro, didn't you say you slept with a married teacher in high school willingly? In a question post about having naughty experiences with teachers. You're just as guilty equally with the women you slut shame
Contact an attourney specializing in workplace sexual harassment. Get a big firm. What happened was Quid Pro Quo sexual harassment. You can sue the company's ass off.
If you have to tell him, would you be prepared for a break up and accept to lose everything you've built with him? Don't forget to have money aside if you have to move out? if not, then you can't afford to tell him. He won't ever be quiet about this and both of your families will find out. Are you prepared for more public humiliation?
There are people who have done worse, choose to have an affair (by choice) during their marriage and their spouse never finds out.
If you still are working along with that boss of yours, get out when you can, find a better job, he will come back to you again for another sexual favour by bribing you this time...
Well debt and financial problems can be got out of and moved on from, what you've donr is never going to change. And by the way there's no such thing as "one" blowjob to plase a man for an ongoing reason, more like "one" every week. You'll be forever wondering if you will suddenly be demoted or layed off. Your boss has you exactly where he wants now.
I think you should tell your husband. It's not fair to him and it's not fair to you. Since you feel bad, you will probably crack later on, maybe in the next few months or maybe a year or 2 down the road. It's better to tell him now than to wait.
reading this question made me physically sick and i hope you have some kind of horrible experience to make up for destroying a man's entire life, in the most humiliating and disrespectful way possible.
I'm pretty sure what your boss did to you was ILLEGAL! He was pretty much saying, I'll give you raise in exchange for sexual favors. You should report him to the police.
Don't tell him... he will be crushed and fall back into report depression than he was in before!
Imagine your husband pleasing the vagina of a girl that bullied you. Regardless of WHY he did... you would still be hurt.
Don't tell him.
If u tell him, I'm need certain he'll divorce you, and this supposed "saving" you did would be for nothing.
Why are you enabling her to be disgustingly selfish?
this is too farfetched to be true, thanks for sharing though. i needed a good laugh, todays my birthday
happy birthday! mine was on st. patricks day! ahhh we are both pisces no? =)
i am, by two days. if i had been born on the 21st, i would have been an aries, i think
yay pisces rock! ;-)
It saved you for now... just wait till word gets to him that you blew his enemy.
Stuff like this causes men to go into rage and hit a woman... the asker should be wary of this.
From an evolutionary standpoint, you merely did what you were 'expected' to do.
The female primate is a slave to her biological urges.
Throughout human history, women have traded sexual pleasures in compensation for advancement in life; rewarded by the male.
Asking you "not" to give sexual favors to advance your life is equivalently asking a parakeet not to chip in response to hearing a water source.
It's simply programmed to do so in order to alert the others. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Are you implying that women are meant to do this? I know what I did doesn't make me look good but I still think you are totally wrong. Women are not supposed to please a their boss' dick to make a living. The thought that it is the easiest way to change his mind as a woman is fucked up. I know I didn't do well defending a woman's right to be treated equally at work, but I seriously worked hard for the promotion and he would have rather given it to a man who worked less hard, just cause he's a man. A lot of my friends tell stories about being treated less well than their male colleagues. He only changed his mind for a blowjob. You might think I don't have the right to say this after what I did, but I know it was wrong and won't change my mind about what I just said.
@Cheeseburger Are you SERIOUSLY implying that ALL women are meant to do this? I've been sexually harassed by my boss in the past. It made me feel like crap so I kind of "lost" it, I yelled at him in front of everyone, I quit my job and I warned his (ex) wife. I don't think we're "programmed" to do so. Thankfully, I've met honorable women (and men, but that's an entirely different subject) with good morals in my life.
@asker: I'm merely saying that throughout human history, women have done exactly what you did. It's how women have advanced in life, and it's in your genes, thus will continue to be that way. We don't scold chickens because they peck for corn, ergo you shouldn't scold yourself for being a woman.
Unless you have proof that it's "in our genes", I call bullshit. Women have used sex to advance because men have been superior to us ever since the Neolithic revolution. Why? Because men have not allowed us to advance unless we offer them sex. So in whose genes is it exactly? Couldn't we just as well say that it's in men's genes for not allowing us to advance unless we do it?
It is a males genes to dominate, I concur with the statement.
In* (filler)
Baha. Lmaooo, Good job