Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
I have thinking about not having kids for a long, long time. I started researching sterilization when I was 18. Unfortunately my parents found out about this and got very angry at me not wanting kids. I never stopped believing that I didn't want kids, I just hid it from my parents.
In my research, I decided the surgery I wanted was a bilateral salpingectomy or a complete removal of the fallopian tubes. This is a form of permanent birth control. I would no longer able to have children. I frequently get asked "why" and I have a bunch of reasons. I'm a really independent person, I plan to dedicate my time to loved ones and a career I can be proud of. The thought of pregnancy also terrifies me. To the point that it is a phobia for me. If I got pregnant, I would be extremely emotional. Once I get a handle on my emotions, I'd call Planned Parenthood. I also have a lot of family physical and mental health issues I don't want to pass on. I wouldn't date a guy that has or wants kids. I have lost a lot of potential dating relationships because of it.
I have been asking for a bilateral salpingectomy for a while now. I wanted to ask when I was 20. I didn't feel comfortable with the gynecologist I had at that time. On my first appointment with her, she slut shamed me because my now ex boyfriend and I had started having sex a month into our relationship. Not that it matters to her, but that was an abusive relationship and not all the sex we had consentual. It took me a while to realize that what happened in that relationship was abuse.
The first time I actually asked was to my primary care for a referral for a sterilization. She just asked if I was sure. I said yes, and she didn't question me. The referral was sent to a gynecologist and my appointment was a few months away. In those months waiting, I put together a 'sterilization binder.' I filled it with studies like a bilateral salpingectomy will reduce the risk of ovarian cancer, I have a small cervix so I added a study saying that if I did give birth the baby will be born premature enough that they will have to stay in NICU for a while, the various medications I take every day has an affect on a growing fetus, and a study about how women who don't have kids and don't plan on having kids are the least likely to change their mind about sterilization. Having this binder made me feel more confident and I could refer back to something if a doctor brought up something.
Once my appointment came up, I put together my binder and dressed professionally so I'd be taken seriously. Unfortunately this doctor was very arrogant and acted as though he was doing me a favor by saying no. He even told me to come back in a year and a half if I didn't change my mind, and he'd agree to it. I almost cried in the doctors office. I didn't want to wait around for a year and a half. Plus I don't trust him to do a thorough job. Once I got out to my car I couldn't cry. I just didn't have it in me because I was mostly frustrated. Also I knew I had to get work finding a new gynecologist. I messaged my primary care provider, she comforted me and said she will reroute the referral any place I wanted to go. I plan to send a letter to that doctor saying I found a phenomenal doctor and got the surgery.
As a medical professional and as a woman it makes me incredibly disappointed and upset that physicians deny individuals these types of procedures purely based on the assumption that "you'll regret it later" or "want children later". I'll give two examples of two people, one had endometriosis to the point that she was in constant pain and had to struggle to get her procedure done, the other is my cousin who has had 7 children. Her doctor refuses to do it because she is "only 30 years old". It's something that shouldn't happen but it does. This is a part of healthcare where this needs to change and I hope some day it does.
After that appointment, I posted in facebook about how frustrated I was trying to find a doctor for this surgery. An acquaintance I went to high school with reached out to me and recommended a doctors office. I had the referral rerouted there. The first doctor I talked to at that office said he felt uncomfortable doing my surgery but that he has already recommended me to a coworker of his, and she agreed to do the surgery without meeting me yet. I scheduled an appointment to see her the next day. She was so kind. I didn't have to beg or plead my case. She didn't question my decision although we did talk about the decisions and circumstances that led to me not wanting kids. We scheduled the surgery and I signed my consent forms.
Unfortunately, due to covid-19 my surgery was delayed. It was rescheduled a month after I was originally told I was getting it. I wasn't upset though. I was just happy that it was actually going to happen. With the surgery being delayed, I had time to work extra hours, arrange who will drive me to and from the surgery, go grocery shopping keeping in mind good things to eat/drink after surgery, and get my FMLA approved.
My FMLA was approved pretty quickly and I was set to have two weeks off. It was my boss that insisted I go on FMLA. I'm happy she suggested that because I'm such a lightweight when it comes to pain meds and anesthesia. Local anesthesia knocked me on my ass for hours when I had a cyst removed and when I did wake up, I was very disoriented.
I worked a bunch of hours so I would have better peace of mind while being on FMLA. I also took myself on a shopping trip to celebrate my surgery. During my pre-op appointment, she gave me the okay to have clear liquids up until two hours before surgery. I told her about me being a lightweight so I wanted some narcotics, but mostly ibuprofen. She explained to have a friend drive me to and from surgery. We talked about the kind of stitches I'd have and that I would be under general anesthesia and a paralytic, I would also have an intubation tube to help me breath. She felt bad about my family not supporting me, so she asked me if I wanted her to talk to my family and ease their minds. I know my parents aren't going to change their minds about this, so I told her it was okay. Also I don't want to drag her into my family drama. I had labs drawn and a covid test. I truly, truly didn't care for the covid test but it's a small price to pay for an elective surgery during a pandemic.
The night before my surgery, I had a big dinner at about ten o'clock at night. I went to bed right after. I wish I didn't go to bed so early so I could I sleep in because I couldn't eat all day. I think it's better to sleep through the times you can't eat. I could have clear liquids but I couldn't have more than 16 ounces.
My roommate dropped me off at the hospital for my surgery. I checked in and I paid for my surgery then. It was $250 for everything. Once I was all ready to go to surgery, my surgeon and anesthesiologist came to see me. I told my surgeon that I was so ready for this surgery and she said she had a feeling I've been ready for a while. They then wheeled me down to the operating room. I was talking to the nurses and I could hear the anesthesiologist say that it's time for the anesthesia. They put a large oxygen mask over me and that's all I remember. I don't even remember drifting off to sleep.
I then woke up in recovery, and this time I cried out of happiness. It's like a dream come true. The nurse said I had slept for two hours after surgery and the surgery went very well. She kept asking if I felt okay and she gave me two doses of fentanyl. I looked at my vital signs on the monitor and realized my pulse was at 140, which is why I got such strong pain meds. I took another short nap and drank some water. I had a ton of messages from friends, my boyfriend, and my roommates asking if I was okay. The nurse said she had already called and told everyone that I was okay and surgery went well.
My pulse went down and once the nurse saw that I could swallow okay and that I could go to the bathroom by myself, I was good to go. My roommates and boyfriend came to pick me up. We picked up my prescriptions. I had a prescription for ibuprofen and percocet. I do wish I picked up cough drops though. My throat is still scratchy because of the intubation tube.
After picking up my prescriptions, we got tacos to celebrate. I hadn't eaten all day so I was more hungry than in pain. Once I got home, I took an ibuprofen and went to bed. I woke up in quite a bit of pain so I took a percocet in the morning. The awesome nurse I had in recovery was nice enough to call me and ask how I was doing. She suggested taking either ibuprofen or percocet and then waiting three hours to take the other pain med. That has helped control my pain a lot. I am on day two post op. My ribs and shoulder still hurt sometimes because of the gas they gave me to blow up my organs. I was told walking helps with that, so I go on walks everyday. My stomach still kind of hurts like when I cough or sneeze, but I'm trying to save my pain meds for when I am in a lot of pain. My stomach still feels tender and sore, so I'm taking it easy. I have another 12 days of FMLA, and I think I'll be able to work. If I could give one piece of advice, it would be to never stop advocating for yourself. I'm so still happy this was done. I've already added my doctor the Reddit's list of Childfree Doctors.
What Girls & Guys Said
15 31Yeah I want a vasectomy.
Having kids looks like it sucks
Check out Reddits childfree doctor's list. There's probably a doctor in your state.
Great that it worked out. Better to not have kids you don't want, than to abort kids you don't want.
Good for you!
tldr, but I'm with you. At 13 I asked the dr if they could sterilize me since I dont want kids. Was told no, I've asked different drs recently and get the same answer. I'm not sure what the magic age is where they will, but I can't wait.
It’s less a magic age, so much as finding a doctor willing to actually do what the patient wants. It’s a pain in the ass
you need to be in your late 30s at the earliest
No you don’t. I got my partial hysterectomy done last October :/
Wow congrats. Good luck to you. *hugs*
this is not normal or healthy, thankfully we don't let 20 year olds do this. your biology will take over in your 30s and you'll want to have kids
We'll see about that. I have an aunt who is 68. She never wanted kids, and still doesn't have them. Why are people so fucking gross? You know what's more selfish than not having a kid that doesn't exist? Already having a kid and not wanting it.
i bet your aunt has a ton of pets to compensate for her maternal instincts basically nobody has a kid they don't want... and its not up to you to decide if that's a life worth existing or not. if they continue to eat then their life was worth having.
No she doesn't have pets. Nobody has a kid they don't want? Up to ten percent of parents regret parenthood. Also, tell that to the parents who murder their kids.
Nice I’d love to be your boyfriend lol no need for bc lmao
So what is the issue?
If you are not married you need to disclose your inability to have children to men early in the relationship. This would have been a deal buster for me.
In the article, I said I wouldn't date any guy who wants kids or already has kids of his own.
There are men out there who don't want children. Of course, this woman wouldn't date you if you want children.
So glad that you finally got what you wanted!
Good luck and Good Health!
Thank you so much!
Think what you're doing is EXTREMELY slefish
selfish* Shame on you
@Wankiam
Leave her alone dude.
No, i only tell the truth
You need to take your meds or get laid.
No @asshole_ this is nothing to do with you telling the truth, this is you trying to project your thinking onto others as if only your opinion counts
How is it selfish though?
I don't know what that means but if it's anything that goes against nature rules, it's a stupid thing.
I got my fallopian tubes taken out as a form of permanent birth control.
I would only take such a decision of you are over 45 and you have kids already. Otherwise there is a chance that you might regret it especially, if you are under 30 taking such a decision would be a big mistake.
Having children is a permanent decision and yet no one questions pregnant women in their 20s. At least I can use IVF to get pregnant.
Making the choice after having kids makes it pointless. Making the choice after decades of paranoia makes it pointless. She has the right to live the prime of her life childfree if she so chooses. If she regrets it, she can adopt.
That too
What do you mean no one questions women in their 20's?
Try reading that again. Having children is a permanent decision. No one questions it when women in their 20s get pregnant.
It is not debatable cause it is true. I don't understand where we are disagreeing other than me mentioning that it is a tough decision to make and I have seen some women being miserable because they took such decisions in their 20's which later caused them pain that they couldn't justify.
That sounds like it would be my problem, not yours. Once again, for the third time, no one questions it when women in their 20s get pregnant.
Well, because that's their own decision. How many women do you think have self control and who don't seek attention? A few.
Whatever. Point is, I can do whatever the hell I want with my life. I think you should see a therapist. That's clearly not going to happen, so we all don't get what we want.
Yes, that's absolutely right. You can do whatever you want. We all are here to share an opinion and knowledge we've gathered. If you like it, that's you opinion.
I'm going to go take a nap. Tootles.
You have helped me learn a few things about myself. Thank you.
If you had cancer, would you have chemotherapy? Because you could argue that it goes against nature's rules because you're stopping an, albeit abnormal, natural process from taking place.
Extremely irrelevant comparison.
No it is. You just don't like hearing it. Having children is a permanent decision. At least I can adopt or use IVF.
I don't agree with you but you have your choice.
I'll take it. At least I know where my priorities lie.
Good for you, I'm glad you found strength to stand up for yourself. You can't live your life according to what others want or expect.
It's your body, your life, your decision, I hope you do well. Given time your parents may calm down. You just need to let them know you are living your life not theirs.
thats the liberal education you get in media and school these days.
Yes I got a surgery and got off work for two weeks because of the liberal media
liberal dumb down brainwashing starts at birth girl...
Whatever you want to believe because your mother didn't let you suck on her tits long enough.
Been thinking about a vasectomy myself. But I’ll miss all those late night trips to pick up the morning after pill. I make the bitches pay me back of course. I’m not a cuck :)
WOW, just wow.
@RACSKC0B Joking about the last part FYI.
LOL honestly, I wasn't sure.
This is a awesome story!!! I am happy you stuck to your guns!! Children are not for everyone. Hell, I think that should be an option as soon as kids start puberty. Ask boys do they want a vasectomy. And girls if they want that operation.
This is a very radical and risky method of solving something that was actually a psychiatric problem. I hope you feel better and never regret this.
It's a psychiatric problem to decide to be than an incubator in life? Yeah that sounds like women have been viewed by society
I think the psychiatric problem consists of the fact that you apparently did it in response to a phobia.
Yeah among other reasons. Glad that's the only thing you got out of that. You're aware women die in childbirth?
Of course I am aware of it, and I have seen it happen. That does not mean it is common or likely particularly in a younger woman. I respect your decision - it is your body, and if this is what it took to bring you peace and freedom from fear, so be it - it was worth it and it is good that you did it. Peace.
You weren't saying that earlier. You said it's a psychiatric problem to not want kids. You're aware that there are parents who regret becoming parents?
I never said it is a psychiatric problem to not want kids. I said that I thought that a phobia is a psychiatric problem, which it is. Let it go.
Where did you go to med school? Where did you do your fellowship in Psychiatry?
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/.../
I’m guessing nowhere. Arm chair doctor/psychiatrist alert!
@Agape93 Ph. D. Clinical Psychology, Stanford. Any other questions?
Kind of tired of arguing with you also.
Yeah, proof. I can claim anything like that as well, doesn’t make it true or you correct.
You made the right choice. Children are overrated and are too much work. Plus the world is overpopulated as it is. I hope eventually I can find a doctor that can give me a vasectomy.
I got a lot of help and assistance from Reddit. Specifically, Reddits childfree doctor's list.
I see you live in the US. I bet there's a doctor in your state.
Do you have kids Hunter?
@MrNameless Nope, dont want any
Yeah it certainly isn't for everyone!
Ok, but your opinion is invalid then because you never had a kid and raised them.
@MrNameless you don't need to have a kid to know that children aren't for you.
Your body your decisions but J have the gut you are gonna regret this.
No one questions pregnant women in their 20s if they're absolutely sure that they want to have kids. Having children is a permanent decision. At least I can use IVF.
What this process has physical consequences?
Don't know where I said that. It reduces my risk of ovarian cancer and lowers the risk of early onset menopause. However, you can die in childbirth or pregnancy.
Childfree women don't regret it, childless women and fence sitters tend to regret infertility. CF couples are happier with their life than couples with children. 😉
Oh sorry I didn't know this.
What is too bilateral salpingectomy
Complete removal of the fallopian tubes. This is a form of permanent birth control.
i apologize from you i shared my opinion on the wrong question
It's all good. Always happy to educate people about this procedure, and procedures similar to it.
Oh I would want your explanation.
What questions do you have for me?
What is bilateral salpingectomy, i dont this, just this
A bilateral salpingectomy is the complete removal of both fallopian tubes. This is a form of permanent birth control. Thanks to this surgery, it's impossible for me to get pregnant. The ovaries are left so I'll continue to have periods and hormones.
Are you a gynecologist
No I'm a healthcare professional but not a gynecologist. I work as a tech at a hospital.
I understand lady, everything for thanks
Hope for you the best