Girls, are you okay with the fact that your partner watches porn and fantasizes being inside other women?

[Anonymous]

I've learned to ignore the fact that my boyfriend watches porn because I've also learned that every guy does it, but then recently we were cuddling and he reached for his phone and the first thing we both saw was porn he was just watching. It was “pov” porn of women bending over. I played it cool but i was so disgusted. It hurt me so much. I didn't have to see what he watches. I couldve stayed delusional about it, but no. I just had to see it with my own eyes. Picturing him jerking off looking at those videos isn't a good feeling for me. One time he accidentally made a joke about loving “pov” (implied that it was porn). I still acted like it was nothing but told him thats a joke you tell your buddies not your girlfriend. He apologized and said he realized that right away when he said it.

Now its just always been on my mind and it bothers me and disgusts me. How can i be okay with this? I know i should be. How?

[bluecotton]

It sounds like you're experiencing jealousy, which makes you a perfectly normal human. So take a deep breath and know that you aren't wrong for feeling this way.

The use of pornography (by one or both partners) within a relationship can be challenging, especially when people do not agree or view it in the same way.

But, in general, if his porn use is bothering you now, it will likely bother you in the future. Your feelings of disgust toward it may even grow and carry over to your partner with time. I'd recommend having an open and honest discussion with him as soon as possible.

It may be that you will feel better after hearing his side of things. It may be that you won't. But either way, you'll have more information in order to make an informed decision about whether or not you want to remain in the relationship.

Wishing you both all the best!

[jahaims]

Your boundaries shouldn't be based on what you think is "normal" your boundaries are made and should be set based on your thoughts, feelings, moral and values.

[sheikalana]

Not okay.

[boggboss]

Its always down to how people build the boundaries of their relationship some people think having friends of the other gender is cheating others think flirting outside the relationship is fine their is no set in stone answer here its for u to decide in your relationship I'll watch porn as a visual aid if my partner is not in the mood or away I don't expect her to jump to my every want if I'm horny especially when I have a higher libido then her

[Asker]

Thats a good point. I am learning now that i shouldve set boundaries from the start. I feel its too late and i feel stuck in the relationship. Not just this situation but among others.

[boggboss]

U are not stuck in the relationship if u are unhappy u are choosing to continue being that way unless u try to change things and if he dont want to change u them get to decide if u want to remain in a relationship u are not happy with or move on to someone that feels the same way u do

[Finchie40]

The fact that your boyfriend is watching porn and masturbating to it consistently is a red flag , If he truly loved and valued you , he wouldn’t be watching porn like he does , the reason he is watching porn is because he only cares about himself , he doesn’t consider your feelings what so ever , he just likes the convenience of you , instead of him focusing his time on porn he should be focusing his time on you , the fact that he isn’t is something you should really reconsider , if you want to continue being in a relationship like that , in my opinion you are just wasting your time being with a guy like that, it just shows his true character and shows he doesn’t respect you, he only respects himself , when a partner doesn’t wear their partner’s shoes when it comes to making decsions , that person only cares about themselves , making them a selfish person , No relationship will survive , if you both can’t remove selfishness for each other. It’s just a waste of time ,

[Nikki1989]

That is cheating, no matter how much men may try to sugarcoat it.

[Asker]

I started to convince myself that its normal even though it feels wrong. May i ask what do you think i should do?

[Iron_Man]

You talk about it with him make rules

[Asker]

Initially i acted like i was cool about it which i know was wrong. Do you think it would cause an argument if i bring it up to him?

[Iron_Man]

You are just gonna have to tell him the truth

[AmeerX]

You might fill his fantasies or ask him if he was okay if you did it and then how he would feel. If he said, "no I don't want you to do it" then tell him to stop.
If he says he wants you to do it then you tell him you will if you want as long as you are into him. Or leave telling him you are not a bimbo.

[Asker]

I never thought telling him to “stop watching porn” was an option, but I understand your point.

[AmeerX]

😅 then try there but be especially nice when you do. If you whine and try to control the situation then you will lose. It's obviously something he has been doing for a long time so you need to handle him with care. Don't get angry with him or use coercion. Be kind and do it like you care for him. Making him feel special is the key. Fill his void

[Twalli]

The issue is that he watched porn while cuddling. We only do that if we want to together

[Anonymous]

That's 1 type of cheating

[Asker]

Do you really think so? Do you think i can have a boyfriend who can live without porn?

[Opinion Owner]

I have a partner and we both don't watch porn. I know many guys watch porn but it's a type of cheating. If he has you then why is he imagining having sex and pleasuring someone else?

[Asker]

I wish for a relationship like yours.. and oh yeah, i forgot that it also involves fantasizing giving pleasure to other women and not just his own, lol, great.. Anyway, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I hope i can find a guy like that.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm sure your partner would have a threesome (FFM) if he could. I know it sucks. I hope the best for you cause you deserve better.

[Asker]

Thanks, i appreciate it.