I went with male dominance but just speaking for me personally as far as what I value (I feel like I'm failing to step up to the plate otherwise), and that's the sort of relationship I have with my wife. Yet what I mean here outside the bedroom is that when my wife and I have a disagreement over a course of action that affects the both of us, someone needs to say, "All right, this is what we're going to do. Agreed?"
I have always been that person, but not by demanding it, not by telling her what to do, and I don't ever want to demand it (I did end up getting into those competitive conflicts with dominant exes). My wife trusts me with that responsibility. Yet sometimes that boils down to just going with her suggestion after we both discuss it, but I'm making that decision.
But I always favored assertive, not super agreeable women because I see it as my responsibility to try to make that executive decision in a way that makes us both happy. I'm trying to be wise and benevolent here and prioritize her just as much as me in all of this. It's just that sometimes one person has to resolve a situation like this that affects both of us, and my wife trusts me with that responsibility in those contexts. In exchange, even if I go with her suggestion, I bear full responsibility. If the metaphorical shit hits the fan, I stand in front of her and protect her from it.
From my standpoint leadership is a responsibility more than a privilege. It would be easier to transfer the responsibility to my wife and let her take it, and not protect her from the consequences. But I feel like I'm failing something if I do. So I prefer to have this responsibility.
The assertiveness in my SO is important because I need to hear her full, unfiltered opinion in order to best make that decision that benefits both of us. If she's very agreeable, she might agree with everything I say and not let me know what sort of decision I should make that makes us both happy. So I favor submissive but assertive.
I don't see equality working so well here because if two people disagree on something that affects both of them, like where to send their children to school, then who steps up and says, "All right, after hearing both sides, we're going to do this." They might need a counselor or something to resolve such conflicts, or even break up. So I do think that there is one person sort of designated to do this that the other trusts to make such decisions fairly and benevolently and also takes the full responsibility for it.
[...] then who steps up and says, "All right, after hearing both sides, we're going to do this" [?] [...] So I do think that there [should be] one person sort of designated to do this that the other trusts [...]
I want to be the leader, but I want cooperation and collaboration. I'm not their boss; it's a partnership.
Sexually - I'm the dominant;
Socially - We are equal;
Financially - We switch in paying.
Thank you for MHO
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