Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
There is an indisputable truth: sex is the engine that drives intimate relationships. When the sex is good the relationship is very likely good. Thermonuclear sex puts all those minor annoyances into perspective and greases the relational skids.
For a couple to enter into a lifelong commitment to an intimate relationship without knowing for certain that the sex works is absolutely foolhardy. I'm a man of considerable faith but I also believe the proscriptions in biblical times against premarital sex derived from the lack of reliable birth control and scientific paternity determination. That's why being considered Jewish by birth derives from the mother's faith: everyone knows who someone's mother is. Illegitimate children were a major problem in the eyes of the patriarchs of the time so they made the rule: no sex before marriage.
For someone to buy a car with a lifetime commitment without a test drive is ultimately stupid on its face. The new University of Phoenix commercial is right on point: Drive before you buy. I feel it's just prudent and wise to find out if you're sexually compatible with your partner before you marry them. While St. Paul may have written beautifully about love, it doesn't not understand all. Romantic love is based largely on the presence of satisfying sex. There is such a thing a really bad sex. There are also innumerable hang ups, fetishes, and proclivities that surround sex. Therefore, get to know your prospective partner sexually before saying I do for LIFE!
I'm not advocating casual or irresponsible sex. I'm just saying it's something that one needs some knowledge of vis a vis a partner before committing to a permanent relationship
What Girls & Guys Said
34 28boy aren't you going to get tons of shit for this... lol
I have to admit I never thought I'd generate this much discussion. It's to the point now that other members are debating among themselves and I'm largely on the periphery watching the bloodshed. I'm gonna post a Take on not revealing one's Number and why and I guess we'll get more of this. My position is that My Number is no one else's business and their Number is none of mine.
Stop comparing women to cars, please.
And on the article--my boyfriend and I didn't wait till marriage. But I would have been happy to if he wanted to. I love him. And I'd want to marry him even if he was a eunuch, even if he got into an accident and was paralyzed from the waist down and couldn't have sex. Because I LOVE him more than I love the pleasure of sex. And I'm not sure I'd want to marry someone who loved sex more than they love me.
Strangers are objects unless you start judging them.
No person is an object. . . @dE_logics
I was comparing the process, not the person to a car. It's a very important decision. I'm glad you're so in love. The vast majority of people see sex as an essential part of an intimate relationship. Apparently, you think you can take or leave it. I would disagree but we all are entitled to our opinions. Thanks for your comment.
Ok, so you saw a guy and you automatically start judging his personality and based on your assumptions/expectations you make a complete virtual person off him. When you see an object, it's an object. When you see a stranger, it's also an object.
Besides when we're talking about virginity, we're talking about character. Otherwise virgins and non-virgins don't differ looks (object) wise.
I agree with everything you have written, but if someone wants to wait until Marriage before having sex then that's their business and they should not be scorned for doing so.
I actually respect those people than promiscuous people that are spreading STI's around like confetti and raising a society full of children with absent Fathers.
I feel like you're dramatically over dramatizing but your opinion is just that, yours.
I couldn't give a single fuck about what you think.
And so eloquent to boot. I just love people who react with abusive and crass language at the first sign of disagreement.
Me too they are wonderful individuals aren't they? I love their honesty.
Fully agree with this.
My last date had admitted to me that she was waiting to marriage and while I'm normally patient, it seemed a bit much for me. Of course I was labeled an ass and a player for not pursuing the relationship, but I couldn't convince myself to date someone for so long with no idea of sexual compability until I married.
If she had seen your take, maybe she'd have rethought her insults.
Feel free to copy it and send it to her. Maybe she'll get back to you for a booty call.
As a girl I perfectly understand your sentiment. I am currently basing my literature coursework around whether 'a romantic relationship can exist without sex?' And this take was pretty helpful and maturely written.
No one should be judged for waiting or not waiting for sex, it entirely depends on that person not the general idea because plently of people don't regret having sex after marriage and plently don't regret waiting for a marriage. What's the point in arguing? You can't tell someone how to loose their virginty.
I agree but my point was that there is a non trivial risk in waiting and they should factor in that risk in making their decision. Clearly, it's their decision to make.
waitingtillmarriage.org/.../
only 3% wait until after marriage. you're telling me you know plenty of those 3%?
Having read the article, I keep seeing the word successful marriage without defining what that means. There were no sources cited for the numbers. I'm extremely doubtful of them.
@bubble_tea an even more important question is how many of those 3% get divorced?
no, an even more important question is how many of those 3% are happy with their marriage? If they've chosen to wait, they are more likely to be religious. Religious people are less likely to divorce despite having it real bad because it goes against their religion.
@Anno_Domini
EXCELLENT ARTICLE!! I want to print it out, no lie! lol.
I was explaining this to someone on a date once, how the whole hype about Christian abstinence really stems from the Medieval Catholic front of Hell and Damnation that the bishops instilled in people, for reasons of wanting to prevent "bastards" and another way of guilt-tripping people into coughing up money for indulgences. That's why so many were poor back then-they had to give up their next meal to pay for their salvation. Pretty much anything that wasn't missionary position within marriage was demonized, the soul only salvageable through paying for an indulgence. This is where the suppression of sex in Christian culture comes from, and it humors me to think fundamental Christians are harboring old dusty Catholic practices without realizing it.
How do I know this? Because I'm a Catholic who isn't afraid to swallow some humble pie, among other things. I personally am abstaining from coitus until marriage, but I still have alternative forms of sex. I know God would love me the same either way, I simply don't want to take the risk of breaking my hymen outside of marriage. It'd be painful, and only something I'd want to undergo with someone who truly loves me. But it doesn't stop me from doing all else until then. It's cool for someone to save themselves to whatever degree they're comfortable, but pointing to your purity ring and reiterating "Because I love Jesus" is pretty stupid, and an insult to the free will and functioning brain He gave us.
Seems like the reason for abstinence was much more mundane... STDs, unwanted pregnancies. Pre-Christian era Jews valued virginity, because they managed to put two and two together and figure out that sex makes babies and sometimes boils on your crotch. Medieval Christian bishops just banned marriages among priests (and extramarital sex by extension) because they didn't want their officials to give their riches away to the kids. That said, you've got my respect :D I don't see much of this kind of open-mindedness around, living as a non-believer in a staunchly Catholic country.
Amen, Sister!!!
I guess MyTakes are just big opinion essays now? Maybe they always were?
This one is. I've written a number that aren't. That said, this is really about identifying the risk of waiting and encouraging people to factor in that risk when making decisions about the relationship.
yes i think all week and the week before they have been.
Thanks for the feedback. It's usually not my intent so I'll try to fix it.
I'm not going to encourage anyone to lose anything they hold very much value to. It's their (sex) life.
Totally agree with this.
Those who insist they will wait until marriage and it'll be fine think they know best but, seriously, how can they? It's like kids arguing about whether a Corvette is better than a Ferrari when they've never driven any car, ever.
Thanks for your kind words.
Lose it, don't lose it. It's no one's business really.
While I do agree that sexual compatibility is crucial (many shitty marriages have ended that I know of because it was due to a lack of sexual compatibility) I feel like the whole slut-shaming and virgin-shaming has got to stop.
I couldn't agree more. That's another Take I intend to write soon. One's Number is no one else's business. If the other person trusts the prospective partner, that's all that matters. Each relationship stands on its own.
This is exactly what I want to hear from more people in this world. Great job!
I couldn't agree more that all the shaming has to stop. Sad to say, it almost always has it's foundation in a religion based on the teachings of a man who in all likelihood married a prostitute. How they can shame people the way they do and call themselves born again is just the ultimate in hypocrisy.
Thank you. I'm a man of faith. In fact, I'm the head usher at a big downtown church but I just can't handle the hypocrites.
Well-said.
Thank you. I'm expecting some hate mail from our Evangelical brethren but I tried to head them off at the pass.
I've got bad news for those guys that marry a virgin. Afyer years of putting on the breaks and defining themselves by their virginity, a gold band doesn't suddenly make her a good or will lover.
Maybe willing (assuming that's what you meant despite the typo) but skill comes from practice.
Really this is just an opinion many couples have abstained from sex until marriage or were virgins when they dated and went on to have long and happy marriages or relationships. Plus several studies were done that show waiting to have sex in relationships and not doing it early on led to increased intimacy later on and the couples stayed together longer and had longer healthier and happier relationships. Being a virgin or not being one does not break or make a relationship and sex is not everything in life far from it in fact, if you want to do it, then do it, if not great but. But don't make an article that says you have to lose your virginity to have healthy or happy relationships because that is a load of crap. Also love and sex are two completely different things, and in the end sex is a choice not a requirement for a healthy relationship. Now when you actually get married physical intimacy does play a big part in a healthy marriage but not a healthy dating relationship.
Well if you have that opinion, back it up by facts not just claims and make your own take about it ;) I don't know anybody who only had sex after marriage and I never heard of anybody but maybe that's because of the society I live in.
Sure I'll get the names of the studies and the doctors and scientists who were in charge of them. To you either today or tomarrow and I actually know about 6-10 people who did wait until marriage and several people who are waiting.
Not much research has been done on so called long and happy marriages in terms whether they are sexually satisfied. Most older couples that have been married for decades don't believe in divorce that is why hey are still married. I think that you are missing the points of the article and its not saying that sex is everything and he truth is it really can break a relationship.
I'm not talking about marriages Flavor I'm talking about dating relationships.
I am so looking forward to your citations. I can't wait to take an in depth look at the methodology and the data. If this pans out like most claims like this, the studies will not address this issue or the methodology will be seriously flawed.
The two studies I found were by Dr. Sandra Metts and Dr. Dean Busby, here is the link to the site were the information is. By the way these tests were done showing that delayed intimacy can have better long term effects this goes for both virgins and non virgins just letting you know ahead of time. These studies are certainly not conclusive and do not decidedly settle the question of whether or not delaying intimacy is beneficial for a long-term relationship. But the results are intriguing, and as they at least point towards that idea, so it’s worth exploring.
www.artofmanliness.com/.../
don't let the silly name of the website fool you the information is sound and at the very least interesting.
Good take
I second this.
Thanks for your support.
I am also a devout Christian. I sent my fried, who is yet another devout christian, a link to this article. I will now copy and past what she said:
"It's the ol' comparing sex with testing a car thing. I always get annoyed with those.
The thing about humans is that they change, while cars do not. If a car isn't good, there is nothing the driver can do to change it. Sexual techniques, on the other hand, can be learned. If the sex isn't good, but two (preferably married) people have grown to care for each other enough to stick with each other forever, they still have a foundation and they will adapt and make it work somehow.
Besides, basing a relationship on how good the sex is makes the relationship pretty weak and too pleasure-oriented."
Besides, I don't see why couples can't just INFORM each other about their sexuality beforehand.
She says, "they will still work it out somehow." That's worse than my car analogy. Sure, a lot of things sexual get worked out throughout any marriage but some don't and caring for each other, being in love, isn't enough and if there's a way to find that out before entering into a lifetime commitment, one is irresponsible to do otherwise.
One way to find out would be to JUST ASK THEM. Surgeons don't get their medical experience from cutting open actual bodies (anymore, at least), so why should sex be any different?
But that's where you're wrong: that's exactly how they get the most meaningful part of their training--operating on patients. Asking someone who's never had sex about sex is somewhat akin to asking a blind man about color. They can talk a good game but it's something one has to experience to make meaningful comments.
That comparison doesn't even make sense. This site is full of descriptions of the individual users' experience of sex. Try and describe a color for me. Back to experience. I've gained plenty of sexual experience just from using this site, and will probably gain much more from one of the numerous books written about how to have sex which are doubtlessly out there. I plan to buy a few as soon as I get engaged.
Godspeed. I hope you'll get back to us when you can talk about how your real life experience compares to this site and the books.
Not all things in humans change or can be changed by the partner in marriage.
I'm a virgin, but I'm not waiting until marriage. I'm just waiting until I find someone I can trust, and doesn't put pressure on me to have sex early on. I feel like it's something I'm going to always remember so I can wait. But then, that's just me.
What a great attitude!!! Best of luck finding him and soon.
Thank you!
Like I get this and everything. I just don’t like the comparison or analogy of marriage compared to buying a car. Us humans aren’t objects!! Men or women. Bad analogy.
You're probably right but it was the contractual and permanent nature of the transaction that is my point.
What a crap... Man.. really the take owner looks like he is frustrated from his girl friend not giving into sex... hahahahahahahahah...
A lot of things said in this take is not how is really works in real life... and by the people are not a car...
Sorry. Wrong on all counts. Don't make it personal. It's not.
This is basically virgin shaming, had enough of that...
It's not virgin shaming. it's just informing you about things you will very likely encounter if you don't know certain things about your partner, before committing.
So I tell her that I'm a virgin... and she can either stay or leave, done and done. If she doesn't like that I haven't been in any vaginas yet, well, that's her problem, not mine
This is not virgin shaming its just a different view of things and as I was saying my comment I won't expect a lot of people to understand that is why its just something to take into consideration. Nothing in this take was shaming. Its still your choice it wasn't like he was insulting anyone.
@Creole_Flavor, thanks for your support. At least one person out there gets it.
I'm still a virgin and i've thought about it, i mean sex is a natural thing, but I don't be in the position or put him in the position of cheating because there is no passion. I'm just waiting on a guy who doesn't pressures me, and makes me feel loved because after all, I'm a hopeless romantic and i want it to be special.
It sounds like you have a very rational and healthy attitude toward the subject. Best of luck finding Mr. Right.
Nothing wrong with being a virgin.
Exactly!! And no one should be judged for wanting to wait until they're married. After all it's their decision. And it's no one's business but theirs. I'm a virgin, and I'm waiting until I'm married... heck, I might not lose it at all!!
@Laura1995 haha, me too, and I'm completely fine with the idea that I'll never lose my virginity. I don't know why people think it's so unrealistic/foolish to wait...
^Same. I always joke that I'll be a 40 year old virgin with a lot of cats.