Guy went cold after sex. Why do some guys like you less when you put out too soon?

[Anonymous]

I'll never understand it

[Realistic07]

Because some people are jerks who only want what they want, and nothing more. People men and women alike can be very selfish sometimes, and that selfishness can appear in many different ways.


Unfortunately his selfishness led to your pain which really sucks. I’m sorry that he was a jerk, and treated you like that dear.
Sadly sometimes people can simply be jerks their entire lives. Some change with time, but far too many simply don’t. Personally I feel sad for those people; because they’ll never recognize the happiness that can be created from commitment, and the strength that it actually takes to be a committed person.


Please know that none of this was your fault, you got used by an asshole that likes using people; because he’s too insecure to commit.
You are not a failure, you are not stupid, or a slut, or a toy to be played with, and you did not mess up again. You’re just you, It simply happens, and thats what life can be sometimes.



Trust me on this one thing you are better for it in spite of it happening to you; because you’ve learned by his action exactly the type person that you don’t want in your life, and how to identify them that much better.
Life unfortunately is trial, and error. All we can do is put our best foot forward, and try to find happiness. At one point or another for a majority happiness is finding someone else whom really cares for you, and whom you really care for in some form or another.


It’s his loss; because he lost the ability to be with someone that would’ve actually cared for him, but it’s your gain because of the reality that you don’t have to deal with that person anymore if you don’t want to.


In fun summary he’s just a gloriously large gigantic bag of super dildos that when connected together forms the worlds largest duche, and your like super woman slaying it one penis at a time till she finds her true match.


Nevertheless I wish you luck, happiness, and that next time around you find your true partner in life. Good luck dear👍.

[YesICan]

Did it ever come to your mind that she may not be it, and the guy regretted sleeping with her? Happened to me a couple of times.

[Realistic07]

Then he could’ve had the straight up decency of simply telling her.

[YesICan]

Doesn't matter, even if he did that he would be considered an asshole.

[Realistic07]

Rather be considered an asshole than actually be an asshole.

[YesICan]

Him regretting sleeping with her and then leaving without saying anything doesn't make him an asshole. I meet a girl once who I thought I liked, we talked for a bit and things got physical the next day, it was the moment I busted my nut I realized this was a mistake. This happens to most guys, not all of them tho. An asshole would be a person who manipulates a chick, gets what he wants, and just leaves which may or may not be not the case here. You assuming that it's the guy's fault makes it seem like you're pandering to this girl, you come off as the " Nice guy ".

[YesICan]

And also if a girl put out early, he will be less likely viewed as girlfriend material, because in a mans mind if she gives it up that fast and easy to me there is a high chance she will do it to someone else.

[YesICan]

Correction: She will be less likely viewed as girlfriend material.

[Realistic07]

I think you’re just trying to justify bad behavior, and the simple reality is that if you’re having sex with someone and you leave without saying a word never to speak to them again you’re an asshole. Man the fuck up admit the reality of the situation to her and take her comments, and anger like a man. Running away just because it’s difficult makes you pathetic. He can choose to not want to be with her, and simply tell her knowing that it may not go well. It’s called being responsible for your actions.

[Realistic07]

When you treat people badly you should own up to your bullshit, and if you can’t do that then you keep your dick out of it.

[YesICan]

Everything I just wrote went over your head. It's kinda pathetic coming from a guy that is almost 30 years old. Your original comment is nothing but mental masturbation to this girl. You failed to realize that there is more to the situation than him just being an asshole. You immediately jumped to " Oh no sweety it's not your fault you're perfect, he didn't realize what he had " Even tho you don't even know who the fuck this girl is, you don't know her character, the backstory behind that situation, nothing. Yet you immediately jumped on her side like the " Nice guy " you are and started crapping on the dude.

[Realistic07]

How glorious hypocrite is back. You say I don’t know her and that may be true but you don’t know her either and you’re just defending the guy in a situation where the guy actually did something wrong. Basically you’re handing a match to an arsonist in the middle of the woods, and saying hey it’s not your fault that you’re an arsonist you have your own reasons. Guess what he did make the choice to leave, and the reality of that not the little fictitious mindset you have is that it did in fact caused somebody enough pain to post it as a question. In reality where the rest of us live it’s actually not her fault for him choosing the wrong way to handle it. Sure you can justify his behavior however you want, and yet it doesn’t change the real facts that that behavior still caused pain. I think you just don’t like nice people, and for some reason it judges you to see people reaching out in kindness to somebody else.

[Realistic07]

You pretend like you know these people so well that you can judge my statement to be in accurate while playing the hapless hypocrite. Sure she may have had sex a little bit too early, but at the same time it takes two people to have sex, and if he’s having sex without thinking of the consequences of his own actions then he’s a dumb ass who just so happens to be an asshole. All you want to do is to placate her so that way you can justify the fact that you’re in fact just like the guy she’s talking about who is in fact an asshole a dumb asshole at that. You try, and justify it so that way you can feel better about yourself while you treat other people like crap.

[Realistic07]

Feel free to call me names, and treat me like shit all you want; because that’s your MO. That’s how you get off treating people like shit just like the guy she’s talking about or even people in your own past. People like you don’t own up to anything, and often wind up alone in life; because no one wants to continue dealing with someone who doesn’t give a shit about anything or anyone except for themselves. It’s vanity what caused him not to want to say face. Vanity is a form of selfishness in which people do not want to take personal responsibility for their actions; because by doing so they would have to admit that they were wrong.

[Realistic07]

Even more so you think I’m coming at him; because he’s a guy. I’m coming at him; because he’s an asshole, and women can also be assholes. Even you’re an asshole, and there’s nothing I can do about assholes; because only you can choose to change yourself, but you have to recognize that there’s a problem for that to happen. In his little world, and in your very little world you believe that your behavior is righteous when in reality you can’t perceive that your own actions may have negative reactions for other people. Therefore you do what you want and escape responsibility simply; because he, and you are scared little insecure children inside, who don’t want to take any responsibility for anything that they do, and it’s always someone else’s fault.

[Realistic07]

It must be her fault that he was an asshole; because she put out too early is your train of thought, and you can’t look beyond that train of thought; because of things that may have happened to you in the past. I want you to know @YesICan it’s OK and you’re not alone, but if you perpetuate the same cycles that you don’t like in society then you’re just as bad as what you placate therefore making you an asshole.

[Realistic07]

Guess what though it’s completely OK that you’re an asshole; because that’s just who you are, and if ever come a day that you come to realize that you don’t like being an asshole anymore then maybe you should just get therapy instead of taking it out on other people, and perpetuating negative cycles.

[Realistic07]

that being said probably none of what I said got through to you even a little bit, and that’s OK; because I don’t want to argue anymore it’s a pointless endeavor. So you live your life how you want to and try not to be the hypocrite that you are.

[Realistic07]

You win if that makes you feel any better.

[Realistic07]

It’s easier for me just to not argue with people who may have mental issues.

[Asmir1999]

- "" And you’re just defending the guy in a situation where the guy actually did something wrong"" You just assumed he did something wrong, without knowing the situation. Keep in mind even my replies are not to just defend this guy, I wrote them because you failed to point out in your original reply that there is a possibility that it's not his fault, which makes you look like you're pandering towards her. None of what I wrote has to be true ( maybe he did manipulate her and used her in that case yes, he would be a scumbag and its not her fault at all), all of my replies to your original comment are possibilities that you didn't acknowledge, instead you jumped to conclusions and trashed the guy. -" Sure she may have had sex a little bit too early, but at the same time it takes two people to have sex" No, just no. If a girl is easy, most of the time she is not girlfriend material okay? Why would a guy invest himself into a girl that gives it up just like that? Even if he was interested to be in a relationship with her at the beginning, all of that falls into the water the moment she gives it up too early. ( That's on her) Thats this works. - " Feel free to call me names, and treat me like shit all you want; because that’s your MO. That’s how you get off treating people like shit just like the guy she’s talking about or even people in your own past. " Me assuming that you are a " nice guy " and that you're pandering towards a girl doesn't make me a bad person, nor does it make me a bad person that I'm genuinely shocked that a guy who is 30 years old thinks like this. I have no intentions to put you down, just having a argument.

[Asmir1999]

- " All you want to do is to placate her so that way you can justify the fact that you’re in fact just like the guy she’s talking about who is in fact an asshole a dumb asshole at that. " No, that's not what I want, yet again you made a false assumption about what I said. Talking to you I just like talking to a wall, because every time you write back you trash that guy, and now you're trashing me. My intentions the first time I wrote a reply to your original comment were just to point out that there are two stories to every situation, and you failed to present both of them ( that's why you come off as a " Nice guy", you just automatically assumed he was the asshole and she was the good, sweet and innocent victim.) - " Therefore you do what you want and escape responsibility simply; because he, and you are scared little insecure children inside, who don’t want to take any responsibility for anything that they do, and it’s always someone else’s fault. " People should be held accountable and take resposibility if they intentionally manipulate someone into having sex with them and left (If that is the case in this situation, but that may not be the case thats my whole fucking point, i never claimed that thats okay.)

[Asmir1999]

" It must be her fault that he was an asshole; because she put out too early is your train of thought, and you can’t look beyond that train of thought; because of things that may have happened to you in the past. " You still holding onto that " He was an asshole " thing, you're still pandering, do you not see this? Yes it could be her fault becasue she made herself look cheaper when she gave it up this easy, its a big possibility. Humans value things that are harder to get, you're 30, you should know that by now. " In his little world, and in your very little world you believe that your behavior is righteous when in reality you can’t perceive that your own actions may have negative reactions for other people. " Never claimed it was righteous, im saying that you dont have to explain yourself to the person you had sex with if you deeply regreat it. Just move on with your life and try to forget what happened. I don't think you know how it feels to experience post-nut syndrome, it's a real thing. But, If the guy in question truly manipulated her and used her then im sorry that she had to go trough that ( Im not denying that that is not a possibility). If that was the case then there is nothing she can do, but be cautious next time she engages with someone.

[Asmir1999]

You also failed to take in considiration who this girl is? how many partners she had before? Is she a drinker? Does she do drugs? Is she toxic? You didn't take none of that into consideration, and you also blocked me instead of having a argument, wich proves that you are nothing but a little bitch ( And i mean this becasue of you're actions) Blocking someone just becasue you disagree with them is pathetic. Listen, imma just drop this reply even tho I'm not 100% done, there is a lot of points to make here and a lot of things to dissect, but what's the point? Since you're not mature enough to even have an argument without blocking someone before they make their point, you even made assumptions that I have mental issues? I mean bro, get the fuck out. At 30 you should know better than that, blocking someone makes you look like a manchild.

[Realistic07]

You can keep making as many profiles as you want I’m still going to block you.

[SneakiBreeki]

You can block me as much as you want, it shows who you truly are. It takes 10 seconds for me to make a profile, not a big deal. A 30-year-old man shouldn't act like a manchild.

[Realistic07]

Yes but you see per the policies and guidelines that are directly linked with your IP address now that you have admitted to harassment when I report you your IP address will be blocked. Nice battle but you should’ve been thinking about the war the whole time.

[janellie1917]

There’s a few things at play. First is misogyny. Plain and simple, men have stereotypes about women that cause them to react certain ways.
One of them is called the madonna whore complex. Basically they try not to sexualize women they like and value and women that sexualize themselves or don’t fit their liking, they judge more harshly and treat worse despite having attraction to them.
This is also why men judge women with higher body counts despite men statistically having higher numbers, cheating more often, cheating with more people and being more promiscuous.
And also men are talking about post orgasm clarity. This is a real thing but it’s not always as intense as they say. Women feel this too. Women also just don’t get to finish as often because men are selfish and lazy as partners. And women accept this. Once you come down from your orgasm, you may feel negative feelings like regret or disgust or sadness. But it doesn’t mean you finish and completely find that person revolting. You just don’t feel as good as you did when you were turned on.
Also dating/hookup culture is different for men. Women, as children, were bombarded with the idea of monogamy and “modesty”. Women have the idea of “Prince Charming” embedded in their heads. We learn that we need to find men that will stick around and “save” us. So we put up with bad men when we shouldn’t and allow things that we shouldn’t. We also tend to seek longer term relationships even in our hookups because it feels more comfortable, when really it’s just an idea we’ve been force fed since we were young.
Men on the other hand are not taught that.
There is no “princess charming” idea for boys. They have “boys will be boys” to get them out of things. They feel less inclined to be nice about things because they are not in touch AS MUCH as women with empathy. So they can ignore you and not feel bad about it. They also are not taught to handle things healthily or to communicate so the whole time he’s thinking of a one night stand and not telling you and doesn’t really care how you’ll feel when they ghost.


I’m not saying men are terrible. These ideas are also harmful to men. But men do reinforce these ideas and need to work on breaking down the patriarchy. Men and women deserve to have healthy relationships whether they are romantic, platonic or sexual. We need to stop these stereotypes of women and teach men to do better! This will benefit us all!

[Blabster]

Uuugh this sucks so much. And trust me I've been there. Now, im not trying to make excuses for him but, there could be a reason. I mean after all, its not a coincedence most guys do this. So hear me out:

Reason 1: He liked chasing you and once the chase was over, he felt like he reached his goal and he doesn't need to pursue you any more. This is never your fault and please dont ever blame yourself. Guys can be a completely different person in order to get what they want and once they get it, their true personality comes out. Also, dont think you should have waited longer to sleep with him. If its gonna happen, its gonna happen regardless of whether you waited 1 week or 1 year. Like i said, guys will have the patience to pursue you as long as it takes in order for them to reach the end goal.

Reason 2: after sex, the hormone that is released in women is quite different than that in men. Women release oxytocin, which is also known as the cuddle or love hormone. It makes you feel closer to him and more emotionally attached than before you had sex probably. Men however, release dopamine and experience a drop in testosterone. Dopamine is more of a reward hormone. So in short, after sex a man can pull away and be cold and this can last a bit. Their testosterone levels need to rebuild basically. Guys like this dont mean to ignore you or act cold and ater a while he will come back. Its up to you to decide or figure out in which category he falls.

Goodluck!

[Light_beam]

Okay , that was good.. Did you study psychology?

[Blabster]

@Light_beam haha nope, i study medicine so the human body😜 not the human mind

[Light_beam]

Huh ! Medicine? So you are another one 😀 .. pm?

[ladsin]

There’s a few ways to address this question, but I’m going to answer it from an evolutionary perspective in this instance.

Men have two main reproductive strategies which can humorously be termed, “sow and go” or “stay and pay.” This means that a man can either ensure his genes success by either choosing one suitable mate and heavily investing in child rearing, or he can mate with multiple partners and by sheer odds his genes will continue into the future.

The latter is the far more unlikely phenomena evolutionarily, mate guarding behaviors on the behalf of men and women ensure that both partners are heavily invested in this project, but the chance that a male can engage in behaviors that will possibly lead to his genes succeeding into the future without any investment is an almost irrefutable proposition thus men are always searching for it. If the woman puts out without guaranteeing her partners investment it could oftentimes leads the male to bailing because biologically his genes have already proceeded into the future without any cost to himself. Now he can spend those resources (fiscal, time, etc) on someone else.

bah. I’m drunk hopefully that thought was coherent enough that it made some sense

[AmandaYVR]

If it's right after the sex then it's probably because they got what they wanted, and their sweetness/interest was merely a way to get you into bed.

It's probably a much lesser common reason that the sex was that bad, or you two lacked connection (although that could happen too.)

If this keeps happening, you need to wait longer before having sex so that you can decipher their personality and weed out the hookup-only wanting guys.

[Siren777]

He never thought of you other than a sexual conquest. It's sad. When guys do this, leaving women wounded.

[heatherlou]

They weren't that into you I the first place, and just wanted sex.

[Shihab91]

+1 ...

[DizzyDesii]

Yea its like put out too soon and he thinks you're easy. Put out too late and he’ll move on to something easier. I don't know i think you really just have to know who you're jumping into bed with before you do. I try to find guys on the same page as me before i give it up

[YesICan]

Those are two different types of guys tho. The guy that views a girl as easy if she puts out too soon is the guy who was genuinely interested in her, while the guy who didn't want to wait long enough is usually the guy who most of the time only wants to bang.

[DizzyDesii]

@YesICan I know its two diff types. Two types i dodge tf out of. Its rare when you come across a guy who feels you gave it up at the right time and he still wants to stick around

[Paolaa988]

Cause that’s all some want sadly

[djfhsjk]

It's probably due to "post nut clarity."

Guys will do pretty much anything without thinking during the "pre nut" phase until they reach the "post nut" phase when they realize what they've done and there's a feeling of clarity which can lead to a variety of other feelings like guilt, melancholy, tranquility or other reflective emotions. Then hours or days or weeks later, "post nut" becomes a new "pre nut."

[InventorofWarp]

The sad thing is there are men who do this to women.
And then they go out and date and fuck some poor innocent young man who genuinely waited for the right girl and wanted something real and thought she was the one... but that past trauma of being emotionally hurt just results in him being just another man to her and the cycle continues.

[katyya_lov25]

Because a man is wired to be the hunter, once they got you with so little effort, its pretty much over, easy isn't fun. I’m sorry but that just how men are, they like the chase. I dont understand why this is so hard to understand for a lot of women...

[Pasiton5]

It's not that you put out too soon it's just that that's all he wanted there's nothing to do with you putting out of anything you did wrong he came on to you probably talked real sweet and smooth told you what you want to hear so don't beat yourself up or even trip just look at it as lesson learned and don't be so quick to know follow or go with the smooth talking guy who's saying everything you want to hear promising you the moon the stars telling you how much he loves and cares for you it's only to get one thing you just have to be careful and if a guy wants to have sex with you let him earn it man should earn the right to be with a woman sexually or even see her body but I know hormones are hormones just use caution not all men are like that

[ohshee]

Okay I've heard this question a few times let me ask you before you get it how long did it take him before you allow him to do it I think I know the answer to this but I'm just curious how long did he try to get in your pants that night or whatever and then before you allowed him to do it

[Biancam13]

1.) he was only looking for sex from the beginning and doesn’t ‘like’ you enough.

2.) he wasn’t sure what his intentions for you were and stuck it out but then realised he didn’t want anything more with you after he had sex with you.

sorry :(

[modelUN242]

Because guys don't see thots as relationship material. If you put out too soon, he's gonna pump and dump you. Also, he'd assume you're probably the type of sleep with the entire village and he wants nothing to do with that.

[coachTanthony]

Guys do have what's called "Post Nut Syndrome" The regret is real especially if a connection just wasn't there.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/ynLV6PYDryo

[CreamySeed]

Omfg these dudes nailed it. Should be a required viewing for all women.

[Passionfruit03]

Wow I completely understand now!

[CreamySeed]

@Passionfruit03 i loved my ex even more after i nutted in her so I knew then it was real but she dumped me and I have been a broken man ever since 😞

[InventorofWarp]

I don't relate to this at all. I must be one of the few guys who is almost always in control of his dick. It influences me at a minimal level. This is why I take pride in wanting for the right woman even at 24. Granted I do know the basic feeling thats being described it just doesn't exclusively come from the dick or require Cumming to get rid of.

[HawkPerception]

@InventorofWarp Completely agree with you. I've never had my dick rule me either. I always knew before sex if I liked the girl or not. That was actually my prerequisite for even having sex with her... knowing that I really like her and want to continue dating her. This may sound bad, but I think it's only lower IQ guys that can use this excuse.

[InventorofWarp]

@HawkPerception Guys with low IQs use this as an excuse? Brutal man, Jesus. I'd hope even someone stupid could come up with a better excuse than that but judging by some of the girl's responses they actually believe this bullshit. And these are the guys constantly getting laid. Jesus. Here's hoping waiting pays off and I catch a gem that no other man could hope to attain.

[HawkPerception]

@InventorofWarp Cheers to that man. I wish you luck in that endeavor!

[coachTanthony]

@HawkPerception @inventorofwarp Good to see some real men for a change. I mean Joe rogan who the fuck is he right? Ha Ha Ha. Women are in bound for you two... just hold on! .

[HawkPerception]

@coachTanthony Cheers to us "enlightened" guys lmao. Joe Rogan just went into podcasting at a good time and a lot of people relate because of his very casual approach in debates and discussions. He's not the brightest bloke on the block in my opinion. I will admit due to the nature of his field though, he is well read.

[InventorofWarp]

@HawkPerception I'm pretty sure that guy was being sarcastic.

[HawkPerception]

@InventorofWarp Oof... There goes my whole IQ theory then lmaooo. Couldn't peg for sure if he was being sarcastic or not or genuinely saying good on us. Sarcasm can be too subtle sometimes.

[EmbraceThePain]

Biology.
We need to detach as quickly as possible so we can impregnate the next female.


Then the next


Then the next...

[pink_and_inlove]

That’s really not okay though lol

[pink_and_inlove]

You know cheating and stuff also women are not objects to just be going one onto another you know

[Alyssa11]

Just an assumption but sounds like these types of men use women in these situations. They get what they want and suddenly the enthusiasm disappears because it was only there for sex in the first place. Nothing else.

[AFellowWeeb]

*Surprise pikachu face* Then dont give up sex easy

[A_Bell]

People value most that which is harder to get and value least that which is easy.

This is human nature.

[jshm2]

You're confused.

He just wanted a hookup, you misread the signs. You can't really blame him for you falling for it.

Sure it's shitty behaviour, but you really need to up your game

[Bricealan]

It seems that way, but you, like myself, don't understand that now, nor did I ever understand it. I have to think that men seem to believe that the woman enjoys sex TOO MUCH, or something crazy like that. Maybe they are afraid that if you like sex that much, you would not be 'exclusive' to him !! ?

Got to keep in mind the moron mind set of the double standard held by the macho man.

[Citizenkirk]

They don't. If they don't respect you tomorrow after physical release, than they don't respect you today, before that release.
Intimacy, freely offered in the spirit of companionship, was never sought after by a scoundrel who pressured someone they barley knew, for intercourse. Therefore, that intimacy was not appreciated or retuned.
If you just want sexual release, pair with someone for a day, if equal and similar intent. Leave passions, deep personal emotional bonding, and personal details, out of the equation. Allow yourself, and him, that release without expectations of love, commitment, or even a--no, especially, a phone call or email or even a text, In the days and weeks too follow.
With love, and mutual respect, sex will come in it's own time, when it's right for both partner's in love.
Mutual respect in the release of casual sex, dictates no commitments preseediing, or following, that mutual release of sexual tension during an enjoyable evening of fun for both.

[Alpha09]

Because they didn't really like you to begin with. If someone does that after it's not because you put out to soon, it's because they got it and now you are seeing who they actually are as a person. You might as well forget about them and move on.

[YesICan]

She gave it up to easily that's why he didn't value her to stay, she even said it herself that she put it out too soon.

[Alpha09]

Your welcome to that opinion.

[YesICan]

Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to trash that girl for giving it up to easy, but it's in male nature to not value easy girls unless the sole purpose is sex. It might suck for some girls because they think it will make them bond which is not going to happen because we experience sex in different ways.

[Alpha09]

I love how people try to explain it as "male nature," and "that's just how it is," as if this "value" of his is somehow the most important thing to a woman. I will never understand how it's so special to some girls. Not to mention waiting to give it never guarantees a guy is gonna stick around. Men by default are the easiest out of the two. It's ridiculous how easy men are. Men like that don't value women who wait longer than the ones who don't. While they wait for the one who has a three month rule to put out, they sleep with other people because they themselves are "easy." The concept of "easy=value" is stupid, and it's only purpose is to feed egos that rely on women thinking thier only importance lies in what a random man with double standards thinks of them. Never in my life have I ever thought "hmm this guy slept with me on the first day we met, he's value is now lowered even though I also had a part in this." It really shows just how much better men think they are than women, simply because they have dicks. It's so interesting though, the men with the least to offer to others usually have this amusing viewpoint. I have yet to meet a guy with substance who thinks like this. Also I didn't think you where trying to trash her necessarily, I've just always been confused about the self righteous "value" excuse/argument.

[YesICan]

Yes, it's a double standard, the same way a girl who sits all day at home and does nothing and saves her virginity is considered an angel and a sweet girl while a guy who would do the same would be considered a pathetic loser. There is a lot of unfair things in our society like that that will sadly never die out, it existed hundreds of years before me and you were even born, and they will continue to exist after our time is up. I personally don't subscribe to that type of stuff, but I understand that a lot of people do. As long as the girl doesn't have any mental issues from her past and is ready to commit I personally could care less about her number of partners, not like I'm some sort of saint to judge someone based on that.

[Alpha09]

It's a shame it really is, I mean of course if you're just simply not compatible there's nothing to be done about it. I just can't imagine missing out on something with someone because of something like that. It's like damned if you do and damned if you dont, male or female. One way you could look at it is if someone thinks that way the trash took itself out 🤷