Sexual Relationships
1 mo

Guys & girls please explain why you prefer flings, causal & one night stands versus having an actual faithful partner?

I have never ever considered flings, one nights and never will. It's a temporary feel good moment. Like what a child feels when they are given their favorite flavour of ice cream.

It lacks the intimacy, the tenderness, the closenes, the bond and security that comes with having a long-term faithful partner. It's not a temporary fix, it's not fleeting, it's reliable.

.

You actually have a connection with a partner. You can tell them your troubles, you can tell them everything from important matters to stupidest shit and they generally do care.

Whereas a fling or one night stand - if you told them you just buried your entire family and you're dying of cancer - they would not care because you mean almost nothing to them.

4 4

AI Bot Choice

Superb Opinion

  • I think it largely boils down to the people you're surrounded by and what you want out of life.

    When I was working at a sports bar, there were a lot of very attractive woman working there. And they would come and go fast which meant I had access to a lot of potential flings. But I also didn't feel like most of the women I was meeting were relationship material.

    I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do. But as a man, I need to have sex. Anyone who tells you they don't need it is either a slightly rare exception, or lacks self awareness. It's a scientifically proven fact that a man's brain will essentially go haywire without the hormones released from having sex.

    Knowing this in the back of my head, my mind is primarily focused on finding a long term partner but most women are not ready for one. Maybe it's because I live in a populated area, but women especially as I've gotten older are just selfish emotionally and intellectually immature.

    They'll know how to spy on you a hundred and one different ways through social media but they can't sit down and have a conversation about anything with you besides Don Toliver's new album, drugs, and complaining.

    Don't get me wrong I like talking about that stuff just as much as anybody, I just care more about my business, taking care of my family, discovering and upholding my values by opening myself up to as many life experiences as possible.

    A lot of people think the point of life is to get a job, kinda take whatever whatever life gives you and don't complain about it. Which is one of the most unattractive approaches at life I can think of. I have more respect for the average drug addict than people who coast through life.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that (generally) women don't even know what a relationship is anymore. They see a man and are immediately sizing up his ability to take her out on exotic dates and completely change her social class. It's a funny irony that even a playboy's attention is at first on her. And that's ultimately why I like to have casual sex in between partners. Because a good catch is a rare thing and I'm not trying to be tied up to someone who isn't compatible with me when someone who actually cares about the things I care about comes into my life.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I think there are 2 types. The ones that are happy living like that and have no plans to settle, and the ones who are put there unwillingly.

    The ones who like that kind of lifestyle are in my opinion just very, very, very simple, empty headed people, who just live day by day getting by. Usually people with lots of money or no money, their decision making is purely driven by their rational side only because their emotional side is not sufficient/developed enough to rely on to survive. The modern age of technology has allowed these "loners" to live comfortably alone in a big world, not needing to rely on others much. These types of people usually prefer living in urban cities with lots of things to do and many new people to meet, probably living in shared flats because for them having a home is just a place to sleep at, they are always on the go, travel a lot and basically just think about how to live with as less responsibilities/ties to anything or anyone. They are bad at committing to anything (job, schedules, Everything is temporary to these people. They think relationships are too much burden because they can't see the advantages. They will fight back every single argument against relationships with "but I don't need it" and they respectfully win the argument because it's true, they don't need it! It is completely pointless trying to convince someone that they need some benefits that they never had and never wanted. They have adjusted to bonding with tools rather then people, they are emotionally unavailabble, zero, none, zlitz. They live by instant gratification, and that is how they can have flings as if it was a scratch on the back. They don't have sex, I call it masturbating together. It's not that they live in delusion that emotions are these bad things, it's that they LACK them, and they are adjusting to what they do have the best they can. In reality it's very for these people because the older they get the more responsibilities are trown their way anyway and they struggle a lot with what to some others would be an easy, basic thing. 100 years ago, they would have to struggle with social responsibilities in order to survive, now they don't have to, now they can just run away onto a new tribe. Social media was a destruction of social responsibilities and skills. Humans have become too friendly, too many, too merged, too fast. We welcome strangers into our homes and pussies like it's nothing. Is there any other female animal who mates just because of horniness? The only criteria these modern women have are "I'm horny" and "the dude is hot".

    And then the other ones who don't act much diffferent but for them is more of a temporary phase because either they are traumatized/hurt (by the ones mentioned) or have no other options. But these people would gladly rather be in a loving relationship, just not ready or currently don't want to. The problem with this is that there is a high risk of shifting completely to "the dark side". Another incredible thing about humans is how adjustable we are, it is scientifically proven that if we were eating a little bit of dirt every day we would get used to the taste and start liking it, with high possibility of even developing addiction to it, lol. So yeah subconceously many people get used to particular lifestyle and tend to stay there forever. It's not really a matter of liking it but rather having it easier navigating through familiarity and having an identity. And as older we get the less energy we have to change our lives (less willingness to eat dirt for awhile).

    I don't judge any lifestyle, however I am not sure how are these people who are in the first group planning to live life when they are old? It's so funny that one doesn't think much about it, but in fact they might just get to live to 90 or 100, how the hell are they gonna live the rest of their 30, 40 years being alone, ugly, sick, and so on? That is a lot of years, if you ask me...

  • It's not one or the other, but rather that each kind has its own time, place and value.

    Sometimes we don't know what exactly we want or what is out there, and casually dating with clear communication on both sides is an excellent way to learn more about yourself and others.

    Sometimes we don't want to be in a full-fledged relationship because we can't afford the time or commitment due to school, work, other situations etc but still long for company so casual dating is a good middle ground.

    I've enjoyed a little bit of casual dating when I was single and I am content and happy with my experiences during that time. I was emotionally scarred from a previous relationship that was emotionally abusive so I had to do lots of work on myself: educating myself about emotional abuse, seeing psychiatrists and therapists and working towards my own traumas... I was not in a position to be in a relationship. However, to feel ready for one and build my confidence in dating again I slowly delved into dating again by starting to talk to guys and open up to casual encounters.

    As I built more confidence and felt ready for a relationship I happened to meet a wonderful man through mutual friends, and I'm happily in a relationship now. I wouldn't have learned what to look for in a man without the prior experience so I have zero regrets.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I’m not saying that promiscuity and recklessness are a good idea but…

    i also wanted a good relationship with a loving partner. Then, shit happened. BOTH people have to be on the same page. When two people meet but are at different places in their own journey through life and maturity…things might not work out the way one intended.

    my first marriage was to a women that had just divorced an abusive serial cheater. I did not understand trauma then. She was messed up in the head, like unhealthy. She started cheating on me. Like graphic and extreme. That messed me up in my head, like unhealthy. I needed therapy to recover (years after). But between catching her in bed with multiple guys and getting therapy I lost my mind and became recklessly promiscuous. So much so that the therapist, once she heard my whole past said “it seems like you were trying to commit suicide by sex.”

    granted, some are promiscuous just because they’re immature or greedy assholes, or both. But many are on a painful journey of trying to treat their low self esteem by having just one more partner and then dealing with self-loathing and guilt as soon as they do. It’s a vicious cycle.

    people are broken. And the cracks are not visible to the eye. And they don’t know how to fix themselves but the thing that feels so good…is the thing that is causing them more damage.

    again, some people are just greedy and shallow and selfish. But not everyone is like that. Some are just broken and don’t know how to fix themselves. So they self-medicate with sex.

    this has been my life experience.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I actually prefer relashionships instead of flings maybe one or to but more into relashionships its just now a days its difficult to find a respectfully man not all men are bad but some are and at this moment am happy single until iam ready again and had my freedom

  • i dont prefer or partake in them

  • Because of emotional validation, fear of being vulnerable and lacking compassion. Abandonment issues and low EQ and emotional maturity.

    • That's ridiculous as causal sex would just increase such issues

    • Exactly it's like drugs. You know it's wrong and you shouldn't do it. But as you hit the withdrawal you want to do it more than ever so instead you stop questioning it and make it a practice. Healing from something all on your own and accepting the reality when you have no choice but to throw your hands up and move on with your life with the result as it is what it is- is the most difficult thing to do. They are afraid to be vulnerable and get there heart broken. Having backups and options emotionally validates and boosts confidence without having to feel heart broken or any less of you.. cuz options make you feel wanted and loved. Which therefore takes care of abandonment issues as there's always someone on the back burner to make you happy. Which proves emotional immaturity as they have given the responsibility of their happiness to others. The moment they find themselves with no options, they start to lose confidence and feel unworthy. Also they are incapable of considering and appreciating others emotions as well. They lack depth and give birth to a very manipulative, narcissistic, shallow character who is a pathological liar and a sex addict.

    • @crystalline0909 - thank you this explains it quite well. Probably the most logical explanation versus some of the comments I deleted that were so painfully simplistic that when you compare it to drugs makes sense. Like any addict they don't realize they have a problem.

    • Show All

  • I have never had one night stands and I am not interested in casual relationships.

  • I think the younger someone is, the more they don't know about themselves and what they want in a partner, but they sure as heck are horny enough to you know...

  • sex is a bandaid for emotionally unavailable people. Some pros you listed involves emotional vulnerability rather that be big or small is a con for a lot of people even if they don’t consciously know it. I realized that about myself and started noticing it in other people. Sex with no strings attached means feeling close to someone without actually getting close. A lot of peoples comfort zone. all my relationships not just sexual but romantic and platonic were all surface level. Refused to open up to anyone about anything and if I was put in a position of giving someone insight about myself I’d lie my ass off. Had walls up I wasn’t even aware of.

  • Because I don’t trust anyone. Specially men. Men have a different sex drive to us. So these mfs are 10x more likely to cheat than you are.
    I much rather be single, get my kicks while I can. Enjoy myself, explore my options. Then be stuck with one idiot. Who is 10x more likely to cheat on my ass, bring STDs to me. And make me look stupid.

    I've slept with married men. These imbeciles aren’t faithful. They’re not loyal, they’re not faithful. NONE OF THAT.

    The only ones that’ll actually love you, are the ugly/ undesirable ones. Because these actually have no options. You would be their literal only option. And who tf is trying to reproduce with them, and clone them? 🤡🤡 NO ONE IS.

    All my female cousins and sisters married an undesirable. Because no woman is checking for them 🤡🤡🤡

    IM NOT DOING IT. How they even get wet during closed doors. Is beyond me. I need a REALLY masculine attractive male to get the river running. How these women do it. I don’t know. I’m guessing they have to use lube or baby-oil to go to town.🤡🤡🤡

    • Comical you use the clown 🤡 emoji you sound like one

    • It’s the truth

  • sometimes i like casual and sometimes i like relationships. i'm in a very nice relationship now

  • I think sometimes people just are interested in fun sex without all of the extras of a real relationship. Maybe they run into someone that is fun, but they can tell would not be a good match in the long term.

  • I went through a phase where I had no desire to be in a relationship but I really like sex, making flings and one night stands nothing but a good time.

  • I agree with you but I don’t shame others for doing it

  • Because they want the sex and satisfaction there and then, not the endless hours asking this "faithful" partner for it?

    You're really this sheltered, dimwitted and naïve?

    What's your next question? "Burglars, why do you rob houses, instead of getting a job and actually buying the stuff yourself?"

    • @jshm2 - hmm you're supposedly from the UK. That's more of a dump for morals & ethics than America.

  • Different things for different stages in your life. You might come out of a relationship but don't wanna jump straight into the next one just to have some fun

  • They get the advantages of feelings without responsibility to support a relationship. For guys, it's easy pussy.

  • No doubt I prefer a long term partner, but considering I'm single since my wife past away, and the difficulty to find a true intimate girlfriend, the need for intimacy, an encounter of even only an hour, may sometimes prove precious. Nothing to do whether willing or not to engage further. Well, in my case at least ;0)

    True what you state about one night stands and similar, and the their evident lack of real intimacy. That's what I'm missing most: real intimacy; but then, I'm not young anymore...

    I guess casual encounters are more the sign of young people wishing to explore more different things, and depending on their degree of mental maturity, before engaging for real? In any case I can understand the urge to explore the world and oneself before settling.

  • I don’t prefer that, but the way the world is today it seems it’s what most people want today , I no longer jump into a relationship with a girl but if I end up having sex with her , my intentions is to keep having sex with just her , but sadly that’s the chance we take on whether they are on the same page as us or not , Most people lie and can’t be honest , they just do what they feel is best for them at that moment. I have hooked up with girls’ thinking they were seeking love and chemistry and connection to realize all they were seeking was cock , so I no longer give my heart fully to a girl mainly for that reason , it’s a game of chance we play on whether it’s going to go for the long haul or short haul

  • Sensible choice by you.

  • A one night stand can restore your connection to people after someone just stomped on your heart. Flings can also sustain you while you're stuck sorting through the trash of human relationships. Casually speaking sometimes it's easier to take the money and run. Connecting to someone is best left to a therapist, or so the judge said.

  • I never liked flings. I slways wanted ot have somebody who wanted a real relationship. Sometimes it freaked them out.

  • No it doesn't lack intimacy... instead u can enjoy n hav fun much more coz u know there r no strings attached

    • The definition of lacking intimacy you simple minded twit

    • Not in my mind😊😊

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