Guys, maybe you can give your perspective?

The past month my boyfriend has been complaining that I’m not giving him intimacy, and that he’s always the one giving me intimacy but he gets nothing in return. I’ve asked him what intimacy he would like from me, since in the past I’ve tried giving him intimacy like cuddles or hugs or kisses and he’s not all that into it, but he says “I don’t know”. We end up going around in circles. He wants more intimacy but he won’t tell me what intimacy he needs, and therefore I don’t know what to do for him. He’s not big on cuddles or hugs, and I don’t have a big sex drive so I can’t always give him sexual intimacy otherwise it feels forced and not enjoyable. What other forms of intimacy are there for me to try? Guys, what do you think he means when he says he needs more intimacy? I feel like I’m the bad guy for not giving him intimacy but I don’t even know what intimacy he needs because he won’t tell me. I can’t read his mind. From my perspective I already do give him intimacy but he says differently.
Updates:
11 mo
Update: I spent today showering him in kisses, lots of hugs and cuddles, had sex but after all that he still made it my fault that he’s not getting the “intimacy” that he needs.. Im starting to believe that nothing I do will be good enough for him. Maybe I should give up and end things.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • It's important to recognize that everyone has different preferences and desires when it comes to intimacy, and it's not always easy to communicate these feelings to a partner. It's possible that your boyfriend may not know exactly what he wants in terms of intimacy, or he may feel embarrassed or uncomfortable discussing it with you.

    One way to approach the situation is to have an open and honest conversation with him about your concerns and your willingness to work on the issue together. Encourage him to share specific examples of the kind of intimacy he would like to receive, and try to establish clear boundaries and expectations that work for both of you.

    It's also important to recognize that intimacy can take many different forms, and it's not always about physical or sexual touch. Intimacy can include things like sharing meaningful conversations, spending quality time together, expressing affection through words or actions, or engaging in shared activities that you both enjoy.

    Try to explore different forms of intimacy together and be open to trying new things. Remember, communication and respect are key in any relationship, and it's important to work together to find a solution that works for both of you.

    • I’ve tried having open conversations with him about this. I’ve tried getting him to give examples. He has none to give. He keeps saying he has no idea what he means by wanting more intimacy, he just “feels like something is missing” and he expects me to figure it out for him. And he feels attacked when I tell him that he needs to figure it out and communicate it with me, I can’t meet him in the middle or help him if he doesn’t even know what he wants me to do. What am I missing? What am I not understanding? He knows that I am extremely open minded about everything. So I see no reason for him to hide what he wants from me.

    • It sounds like you've been doing your best to communicate with your boyfriend and understand his needs and desires, but he has not been able to articulate what he means by wanting more intimacy. It's understandable that you may feel frustrated and confused by this. It's important to remember that communication is a two-way street, and that both partners need to be willing to listen and understand each other's perspectives. If your boyfriend is feeling attacked or defensive when you bring up the topic of intimacy, it may be helpful to approach the conversation in a more gentle and compassionate way. You could try asking him to reflect on his feelings and to identify what he is looking for in the relationship. You could also try sharing your own feelings and experiences, and expressing your willingness to work together to find a solution that works for both of you. It's important to maintain open and honest communication, and to avoid blaming or attacking each other for the problems in the relationship. If you continue to struggle with communication and intimacy in the relationship, it may be helpful to seek the support of a trained therapist or counselor who can help you work through these issues together. Remember to prioritize your own emotional well-being, and to seek support and guidance if you need it.

    • Thank you! Your comment has been very helpful ❤️

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  • You can't be expected to read his mind, nor can you be expected to provide something that he's unable to articulate. You need to explain to him that you are PROBABLY willing to give him the intimacy he desires, but you can't possibly be expected to do that if he can't tell you exactly what he's looking for - at least to give you some specific examples. Tell him that he needs to tell you, and whatever he says, no matter how outlandish his desires might be, you won't laugh at him or be angry with him for wanting it, and if it's something you can be comfortable giving him, you will - but he has to articulate it to you.

    You also need to be prepared to end the relationship if it turns out that you aren't actually compatible with each other - and it COULD be that he needs something that you're simply unable or unwilling to provide, which means you aren't compatible. Hell, he could be trying to tell you that he's bisexual, and needs to be with a man sometimes - it's not like you can satisfy THAT need, can you? But it has to start with him being open and honest with you, and if he can't or won't do that, then in my opinion, the relationship is already over.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • He may not know himself. If he is not into touching or hugging a lot maybe try sending him some sweet or sexy texts or snaps. How is your sex life with him... is he happy with the sex or does he want more?

  • You can't be a mind reader. Some posters have suggested he wants some form of sex - and that could be but you have done sexual things for him and that hasn't been what he wanted. Maybe he is afraid to ask? Maybe he really doesn't know what he wants.

    Do you think he trusts you enough that you could tell him "Let me know what you want. I may not want to do it, but I promise not to judge you for it". Could you do that even if he asks for something unsettling?

    • I’m a very kinky person and I’m very open minded. He knows that I would do anything in the bedroom for him.

  • Give him a slow, easy knees to nipples erotic massage with a relaxed happy ending. That's what we want.

  • Either tell him that you're just going to be a live sex doll and you can do whatever you want with me and see what he does. Or, give him none at all until he decides to take what he wants.

    If he's not taking what you're giving, and he's not telling what he wants, it's all on him, not you. Personally, I'd love that kind of stuff you've been doing!

    • Like I said, just leave him alone, sexually, for a while until he takes charge.

  • I'm pretty sure he's looking for more sexual intimacy but doesn't want to make you feel bad or for him to feel guilty by coming out and saying that.

    If you're not in the mood, and you are open to it, grab some lube and just give him the occasional sponteneous handjob! You might find some happiness just be pleasuring him.

    With your lower sex drive you might find that taking the lead and driving that in a direction that you find arousing could help.

    I expect what he is saying is that he would like you to make the first move occasionally.

  • Just give him the hugs and kisses and cuddles, he won't complain. Men never get affection from anybody but their girlfriend. It's not only about sex. He wants love.

  • It sounds like he connects intimacy with sex and he's asking for more sex. This is all too common among men, who grow up without experiencing any other form of intimacy

  • You can talk to him about that or my be he want something more kinky in sexual way. Like bdsm or bondage like some stuff

  • Maybe try other sex acts than actual sex, oral, blowjobs, titty fucking, etc.

  • Pretty clear he wants something but he doesn't know what that is.
    There was a board game I've tried with my exes where you spun a wheel, and where ever you landed, you'd pick up a card. Then you'd do what the card says.
    Try making it a fun exercise. You'll get to possibly learn what he wants and have fun.

  • He wants sexual stuff obviously

    . You don't want to give it to him so that's why he is complaining.. don't be surprised when he cheats on you.

  • He's probably talking about sexual favors, but just as you said, he doesn't want it to feel forced or demanded. It's frustrating to have to initiate, do almost all the work, give her 6 or 7 orgasms and only get one yourself, and then get nothing until next time.

    • 90% of the time I’m the one riding him or doing “all the work”, and I don’t like orgasming often so usually it’s just him who gets to orgasm.

  • He means sex and maybe even Oral

  • Give him blowjob. Ride his face...
    Let him fuck you. Make him moan.

    • I do but then after he still complains and says he feels no intimacy from me. Wtf am I supposed to do?

    • Damn... he is gay?

    • Kisses. Cuddle. Hugs doesn't make guy horny for you girl.

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