Sexual Relationships
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Guys, please help me I made a big mistake?

So, I’ve been pretty innocent most my life. The most I’ve ever done was held hands with a guy. I grew up in a very conservative household too so anything sexual was to be done in marriage. The other night, this guy and I opened up about our fetishes and kinks. We got real close. We’ve been friends for a long time but we’ve recently started talking about sexual things. A few nights ago, we went pretty far. I gave him a handjob and he fingered me. He also saw my boobs. I freaked out after I got home. He ended the night saying we needed to take a break because he was a youth leader and he felt guilt after what he had done. I obviously didn’t like feeling like I was a mistake. Please don’t judge me for this but I was in shock. I ended up deleting him off social media and blocked him just for a night. I did that out of shock. Now, I’m starting to deeply regret that. He’s unblocked now so he can reach out to me if he wants. I feel awful about it because I should’ve just owned what happened. What should I do? Should I wait for him i reach out to me or should I text him? If I text him, what do I even say?
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AI Bot Choice

Superb Opinion

  • I don't think anybody would judge you lest of all the lucky guy still dreaming about the handjob you gave him. It sounds like a fun night that could only be improved by him going down on you like aa hgentleman should. He probably understands how you feel. I'm not sure what type of youth group he is the leader of but unless it was Hitler's youth club or a hells angels cub scout group he is probably feeling like he pushed it too far himself when he's not creaming his jeans remembering the handjob you gave him. I would recommend any convos be face to face, it's more difficult but the best way to do it, Don't apologize, give it a tongue in cheek approach. If it was definitely a one time thing you might want to tell him that but usually the best approach is to tell him you're still confused about what happened and were ambivalent about it so he doesn't feel like a cretin. Don't be surprised if he comes back and tries ti recreate the scene in hopes of getting a handjob or more out of it. e are sexual beings and once the toothpaste is out of the tube you can decide that's enough toothpaste for the time being instead of squeezing the rest of it out. You did nothing wrong and nothing that most people above the age of 16 are trying to do Usually the toughest part is the decision, You decided and no one was hurt. This will be such a small dot in your rear view mirror in a month or two.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Hannah... Calm down.

    You don't need to feel ashamed. You're busy exploring your sexuality.

    What you do have control over is your own emotions and thoughts. Make peace with yourself.
    What you don't have control over is his reaction and thoughts. That's his issue. Let him focus on that.

    You're gonna stress yourself out over something you have no control over.

    So calm down

    • Thanks, that makes me feel so much better. Do you think he’ll think I’m a jerk?

    • Don't worry about what he'll think 🙂 Just realize that you know your worth. You didn't hesitate to remove him. That's very good of you. Then you unblocked him. That's even better of you. Know your worth. See the good in this situation

Most Helpful Girl

  • No offended but clearly you two weren't ready for a relationship

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 42

  • No judgment at all. I would judge him more for that than I would you. He knew he was a youth leader before he did anything. You were not a mistake, but how he handled it afterwards was a mistake. I almost feel like that was a "I got something out of her so let me move on" type of response. Yes he could have felt guilty too, but I think there could have been a better way to handle it. I probably would have blocked him too. If you do reach out, maybe just keep it casual and say hey. Even though you have nothing to apologize for, maybe just say something like I'm sorry we got carried away the other night. Things like that. You have nothing be sorry for and nothing to be ashamed of.

  • Well you could text him and explain why you blocked him, that you were upset that you felt that he thought you were a mistake, at least that would clear that up for him. I would say figure out what you want, if you want a relationship with him I don't see an issue here (intimacy is kind of par for the course with relationships), if you don't then you might want to steer clear of him. Figure out what you want, what your goal in your interactions with him are and then go from their. If you want more tell him as much tell him you want a relationship not something casual and maybe that will alter things for you, if you don't want that then just move on.

  • No you did the right thing. And no don't getvahold of him let him come to you that's fucked up he waited until after he was done with you before giving you that news if I was you even if he came back to you I would go out with him

  • You should text him and tell him that you want to marry him, it should fix what you had done.

  • Cut the ham out of this club sandwich & send him a text saying you want to give him another blowjob & I guarantee he’ll be back in your life in no time.

  • Most will disagree with me, especially in today's culture. But there is nothing casual about sex. All of the activities you did, were effectively with a stranger and that's probably part of why it does not sit right with you. After the pleasure is all over, what are you left with? What did it add to your life? what was the point?

    This culture is busy brain washing people into thinking sex is casual.. but no matter what they say, or what they do, it's not. It's the most intimate act known to mankind, and the only way to create new life.

    • I was his first. We’ve also been friends for years. Do you think he’ll shake me off and act like he doesn’t know me anymore? Or do you think he’ll view it as an intimate thing?

    • If you've been friends for years, you should know this... unless you don't really know him... The issue is, that your behavior fits into the common behavior by most girls in this culture. If he saw you as different, or perhaps above that, then he may end up treating you differently. Also, there appears to be little foundation that makes those actions meaningful or intimate... simply lust. What is the age difference between you?

  • It’s all good. We all make mistakes and we sometimes have regrets. I think you should reach out to him and you guys talk it out. I have a feeling you’ll both feel a sense of relief afterwards.

  • I think both of you guys need to chill and not be so hard on yourselves. You did some sex play and didn't hurt anybody. You're both adults. My suggestion would be to examine why exactly you think what you did was so bad. It was safe sex play.

  • Guilt. Guilt is like a bag of bricks. Set it down before it breaks your back.

    Ask yourself why you feel so bad about this. But here's the thing. Dont list your household as a reason. Nor your faith.

    People are animals. Articulate, upwards walking animals. But animals none the less. After the shock wore off, how did you feel? Like you just wasted the last... all years of your life? Or did you kinda have a good time?

    Reach out to this guy. Be prepared for him to act like a jerk because you kids have been conditioned to behave a certain way. But if he can be honest, and if you can be honest... maybe you 2 can see that you didn't do anything wrong. Thats mot to say you have to do it again. You could. But dont feel obligated.

  • Wait for him to text you and if he talks to you about what happened then be understanding about it and be honest. Cuz he felt guilt after it also

    • So do you think I’m a jerk for doing that? I feel bad. It was a huge step for me

    • Kinda yeah but not really

  • You have nothing to apologize for or feel guilty about. You just got scared. Tell him that. A decent guy that is into you will appreciate your honestly and want to continue being with you. What happened shouldn't scare him off. If you don't hear from him in a day or two ask him if he is okay. If you hear back, tell him he shouldn't feel guilty because you consented to everything that happened.

  • Mam, you should text him and explain your side to him and see what he replies.
    You didn't make a big mistake mam and if you feel like you did own it up and talk to him honestly and tell him what you wrote here. Everything will work out.

  • Do you see your mistake as hooking up with the dude or freaking out and blocking him?

    • Blocking him. Surprisingly, I don’t regret what we did

    • That's a pretty easy fix then--you've already unblocked him. Just shoot him a message and see where things go.

    • Do you think he thinks I’m a jerk now? Would you not want anything to do with me after that?

    • Show All

  • i don't see anything wrong here. you're 22... it's high time to explore your sexuality. the "waiting till marriage" thing is what we tell children so they don't have sex. it's not for adults. you're an adult now. you are allowed to have sex. why would you choose to feel bad for the most natural thing in the world?

    • I didn’t regret my decision. It was a big step to take, tho. Also, he acted like he made a huge mistake at the end of the night so I got scared

    • that's good! you shouldn't regret it. it does seem a big step. i know it did for me at the time but really it isn't :D it's just sex. and it's not like you're running around fucking everyone. you took some time. you knew the guy well and i think your standards are well adjusted, so to me, there's no reason to feel bad from your side. i don't know why he feels bad. maybe he feels bad, cause it seems to bother you from his point of view. so maybe if you were more positive and happy, he wouldn't feel so bad?

  • Just text him and tell him you had a great time and really enjoyed yourself. If he doesn't want to do more of the same, then its his loss. If he mentions being blocked, just explain yourself. Id love to know what your kinks are. :)

    • You enjoyed yourself, so It wasn't a mistake.

  • Yeah, just wait for him. There's not much you can do at this point. Live and learn.

  • Text him and say literally what you've just typed

  • don't worry about it. This is totally natural. If you are really interested, pursue a relationship with him and take things further. There is no harm in this.

  • Tell him that you needed that experience even with what you grew up with. Being conservative does not mean that you can't have fun being a rulemonger in sex.

  • Insm pretty sure he didn't see you as a mistake. I think he meant that you two going as far as you did was the mistake

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