Guys and rebound sex?

Anonymous

a guy chased me for over four months and we really liked each other, built up a connection... but i couldn't decide whether i wanted him so he cut me off... as soon as he cut me off, i slept with an old school friend and it felt empty because he wasn't him. Now it's too late to get the other guy back and he was seeing a new girl but that only lasted two weeks. Is this rebound sex? can people fuck without feelings and still miss the other person? cos i did, so can some guys see it as just sex even if they still like a different girl whom they couldn't have?

0 0

Most Helpful Guys

kheserthorpe Master
+1 y
Sure, he can fuck without feeling and still miss the other person.

He can also fuck without feeling because he's over the other person and no longer sitting around for them.

Personally, there's an extremely low chance I'd be interested in a girl who made me chase her for months but randomly fucked other guys. Basically I'd interpret that as she is barely if at all attracted to me, and I don't care if she decides I'm a good catch later, I'd move on.
0 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  I don't randomly fuck guys. I've only ever had sex with 3, all ex boyfriends. I did this AFTER and BBECAUSEhe cut me off and he doesn't know about it. I didn't even kiss a guy the whole 5 months he chased me, I only wanted him... nor did i even kiss a guy for a year before that. I'm usually a good girl, this one off was very out of character.
- kheserthorpe
  +1 y
  I remember your earlier questions, I'm sympthetic, I know it's not a pattern. I'm not trying to judge you or put you down. I -am- saying that I'd anticipate if he knows, he'd lose any interest he might have still had. So prepare yourself.
- Asker
  +1 y
  True but he's been seeing a new girl since chasing me and it only lasted two weeks. So he's slept with someone also. My worry is he was chasing and flirting/sexting her at the same time as me which is why i'm upset and did what I did. Because he knew her for over a year before me, so i'm worried everything he said was a lie :(... but my friends say if he had been flirting with her at the same time then he wouldn't have tried to date me for so long and put up with my hot/coldness.
- Show All Show Less
- kheserthorpe
  +1 y
  He may have slept with a new girl, but he didn't choose her OVER you.
- Asker
  +1 y
  True but I didn't choose this guy over him because i did it after he cut me off... but I guess from his point of view I couldn't make up my mind whether i wanted him therefore wasn't that into him when I was. During sex with this guy I tried to imagine it was him but couldn't because i had to take charge and he couldn't be rough. The guy I like is sexually PERFECT, EXTREMELY dominant and would have satisfied me fully and me him... we bith said we'd never kniwn another so sexually compatible before and I blew it! (Not literally) :( I'm an idiot!!!
- Asker
  +1 y
  So you think if he found out he'd assume i'd chosen the other guy over him? Because just before he cut me off I didn't turn dates down. He was flirting but had stopped asking. I asked him actually when are uou coming seeing me? He had replied 'when are you coming seeing me?' And instead of giving him a direct answer, I was stubborn and said I asked first, you've avoided my question so i'll leave you alone if you like... am I hostile so guys never know where they stand?
- kheserthorpe
  +1 y
  It's not that you intellectually settled on the other guy. It's that your actions suggest you found the other guy more sexually desirable. Which may be wrong but that's how it looks.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Wtf? NO WAY! I don't even fancy the guy i slept with AT ALL, he is far from my type! i was imagining the other guy the whole time only it didn't compare BECAUSE I find the guy who chased me MORE desirable! I slept with that guy AFTER the guy who chased me but i was hot/cold with, cut me off, see?
- kheserthorpe
  +1 y
  Yes I see. But if im the other guy I see 4 months of lukewarm for me compared to instant scorching hot for him.
- Asker
  +1 y
  True if i was to put myself in his shoes... so you don't think this girl he's recently dated is the same situation? i feel she's prettier therefore he may have chased her at the same time :( even though he knew her before he started chasing me
ComDom Xper 6
+1 y
I'm not sure why but I'm beginning to notice a pattern. When girls lose someone they care about they seemingly immediately jump into bed with a different guy. I initially thought this was promiscuity but I'm starting to think it's more complex than that. Did you sleep with your school friend because you missed the other guy and were sad or?
0 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  I did it because iwas sad and miss him. Plus I kinsa felt rubbish and thought it may help me get past him but it didn't. It felt empty and I couldn't enjoy it fully. I kinda imagined it was him tbh only it would have been better and so different if it had been him as we'd sexted a lot and he's perfect sexually. Plus I felt he was going to be sleeping with someone else so quick so I should too
- ComDom
  +1 y
  Fascinating. Did you think about it or did the sex with the other guy just sort of happen? In that was it planned or was it more spontaneous?
- Asker
  +1 y
  It was impulsive. Randomly messaged him because i know he's a slag and fancies me. He picked me up an hour later. During that hour I got ready. Whereas if he hadn't been free until the night after I would have changed my mind. I regret it. I only want the other guy but he cut me off after being hot/cold for months :(
- Show All Show Less
- ComDom
  +1 y
  I understand. You are far from alone. I have noticed that this behavior is very common especially among females. I think evolution rewards your brain for pursuing sexual relationships if one prior fails. Although it appears to punish you if you fail to turn that relationship long-term or if it is unsatisfactory. Did you talk with him about why he cut you off? Or does that imply he is ignoring you altogether?
- Asker
  +1 y
  He told me if I went hot/cold one more time he'd cut me off... and I did... we were sexting which I initiated then told him I don't like him anymore within like 2 minutes of flirting and sexting. I'm a fool. It's all too late. I can't take back how I treated him, we had a connection and I ruined it by putting my guard up... he's been seeing a girl since :( but isn't now only that's completely ended it for me because he knew her for like a year before he started chasing me so I worry he was chatting and chasing her at the same time :( I'll have to give the next guy the benefit of the doubt but there won't be one like him. :(
- ComDom
  +1 y
  it'll be okay! just learn from it. it hurts when you care about someone and they keep pushing away from you. so just try to be a little more confident and trusting in the future. assuming of course that you are sure the guy is worth your time.
- ComDom
  +1 y
  Also there are plenty of great guys out there! Don't worry. You're just upset.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Do you thibk he cared at one point to have put up my hot/cold mood swings for over four months daily? He told me a few times I'd managed to upset him.
- ComDom
  +1 y
  My assumption is yes. If guys just want to get in your pants they usually seem to just do so and leave. If they want a relationship for the sake of arm candy they will stick around until your arm candy aspects are outweighed by how much of a pain you are. If they care about you they will typically fight to keep you around until they decide you crossed a line. You probably want a guy like that though. Guys that would let you walk all over them are not beneficial for you or them.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Thank you. He did give me a lot of chances to be honest. I told him countless times that i wouldn't act hot/cold again, then I did :( all because of my insecurities. Do you think no one can love you until you love yourself? I won't let guys in because I lack confidence? I definitely don't want a push over no. I love really dominant men.. . Like he was :(
- ComDom
  +1 y
  You do need to learn to love yourself in my opinion. I'm also quite sure you need to be confident and even somewhat aggressive even if you're submissive. At least to the extent that you have enough belief in yourself to trust the guy that is dominant with you. Contrary to what people may tell you that takes guts and it probably isn't easy. Just try to relax and learn from it. It won't be easy but you can learn from this and become something more than you were before. Also, there is always hope. We don't know much of anything definitively and crazy things have happened. I'd always try to be realistic and let it go at least for now. Focus on developing into the person you think you should be and a guy like that (possibly even better) will find you, if you make yourself findable/available. It's just in male nature to seek out girls, especially ones of quality. So be who you are along with what you can be. We all need tweaks sometimes because we aren't perfect.
- ComDom
  +1 y
  Plus, as I understand dominant guys are often pretty insistent on things being done 'their' way which might not always be pleasant. It takes even more guts and mental acuity to trust someone else to have your best interests at heart if/when you can't necessarily see it.
- ComDom
  +1 y
  I'd also say try to focus on smiling and breathing. Recognize that this probably isn't the end of the world and that things will be okay. You're human and we all make mistakes. Do the best that you can and I think good things will follow :)
- Asker
  +1 y
  Thank you! Yes he is like that and his ways would annoy me also. He'd never apologize for his actions but I always did. He's always had short relationships because he can get annoyed easy if a girl says something slightly wrong. He'll end it. Cut them off. Just like that... so I suppose to have given me numerous chances must mean he really liked me. True that it takes guts to open your heart and trust... So very true.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

0 3

Klaatu51 Master
+1 y
i'd call it "revenge sex" i guess
1 0 0 0
legalboxers Editor
+1 y
can be rebound sex. but I dont know whats in his head
0 0 0 0
Anonymous
+1 y
When I've been crazy over a girl I don't feel like fucking anyone else, once she's no longer a possibility anything with a pulse is back on the cards.
0 0 0 0
- Asker
  +1 y
  But what if you like her but in your mind can't have her ever?
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  Once it's been established that it's not gonna happen, I'll be sad sure, but I'll start looking at other people immediately. Maybe it's an attempt to use other women to fuck her out of my mind. To me rebound sex is when you come out of a relationship and you want to get back at them and prove to yourself you've still got it.
- Asker
  +1 y
  Well i never said to him NEVER, but I did keep changing my mind and he kept saying it was looking as if i'd never date him nor move forward, he said if i don't commit to meeting soon he'll dissapear :(
- Show All Show Less
- Opinion Owner
  +1 y
  It sounds like he gave up hope.
- Asker
  +1 y
  He gave up hope we'd ever move forward? he kept saying he can't see us moving forward and that it was looking as if i'd never come meet him... i wanted to stay in touch as friends and he said he did but then cut me off because i was indecisive :(