Sexual Relationships
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Guys, when should a girl you are going out with tell you she doesn't want to get too sexual too soon?

Let's say I like a guy that I just started dating, I don't mind and enjoy kissing him, touching him, and I do plan on having sex with him eventually, but I simply enjoy getting to know him, and all the innocent and simple things that come before sex becomes part of our relationship. I hate when guys get too sexual too soon, it's quite rare to find a guy who also wants to hold off sex until later and isn't just doing it because the girls wants it that way. So how soon would you like for a girl to tell you she doesn't like getting physical early in the relationship? Or is this something that shouldn't even be discussed, since I believe decent respecful guys won't mind waiting and won't try to rush me, if they dont want to wait and expect it right away they are free to leave.
First date
Vote A
Within first few dates
Vote B
When it feels right
Vote C
Never, when it happens, it happens and the right guy won't be anxious
Vote D
Other
Vote E
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What Girls & Guys Said

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Show Popular Opinions(20)

  • That's not really an issue for me to be honest.

  • Definitely want to be open about it. Timing is tricky, but don't think just because a guy is respectful means he won't want to get sexual soon if he doesn't realize you don't want to.

  • "decent respecful guys [...] won't try to rush me"

    • "when it feels right"

    • If it goes too fast, then just pull back

  • People should never be pressured in to things they don't want to do as that is bullying.

    Always good to talk openly about what you want from each other shame not all can

    • That is bullying? Never thought of it that way but I think you're right

  • When he reaches for your goodies i'd say. A date is just that. There should never be any implied expectations beyond that i don't care what ridiculous arbitrary date rules people say they are. If she says "no". That means "NO". Get it fellas. If you can't handle that move on!

    • But even a "yes" means not always a "yes". #metoo

  • Within the first few dates.. That having been said if you have an arbitrary amount of time rather than just going with the flow and being cautious, that's a red flag to me..

    For example, I dated someone years ago, and she told me she would do anything sexual for 6 months, like she had a specific date... That was off-putting, not because of the time, it's because it was planned out and orchestrated. It showed me she was controlling.. I didn't have to break up with her either.. She decided to have a girls night, and decided to bring a few guys home to bang.. It's like so you're making me wait 6 months but you will take randos home to fuck.. Hell no...

    • that story sounds made up af, based on some stupid stereotype guys like to put on girls these days

    • It wasn't made up, but believe as you wish.. Her name was Amanda, this was in west Virginia.. And I'm still friends with her dad.. But hey believe as you wish..

    • well if this is a real story and from then on you decided if a girl waits it's a red flag, keep in mind that some girls wait because they also had bad experiences with guys who used them for sex or they discovered some things about that guy after they had sex so they regretted it, so they wait to protect themselves not to lead someone on

    • Show All

  • Happens when it happens. You shouldn't put some timetable on it like it's a appointment for the dentist. Whenever both involved are comfortable is the right time. Good communication with each other is key.

    • I wouldn't put a timetable on it that is just silly

  • I chose other, because sex must come after marriage, also they should be thankfull that your letting them touching you and kissing...

    Only a boyfriend in a serious relationship can touch you and kiss you but sex should be reserved for the honeymoon which is after marriage, if your not his wife than he have no rights to have sex with you or see you naked. That's my opinion.

  • Hands down, when it feels right ! Communication is the key, talk about it when it feels right , stick to your guns, at holding off , !
    Especially Young men. Most are trying to notched on their belts , make it's right, and dam sure do t let the other pressure You !

  • Just put it on your profile.

    • Maybe sex-topics are intimate? Oh, okay. I see it, I write here on public pages. But nobody knows me personally here. So some "fake half-anonymity" here, or pseudonymity.

  • Don't say it... if its not obvious what u want.. he isn't the one worth waiting

    • Hmmm, the best type of obvious to me is clear and direct communication. Anything less, in my experience, often lead to misreads and guessing games. We have a responsibility to communicate, not to just intuitively get it right.

  • Safest to have that conversation as early as possible.

  • As soon as she wants.

  • With in the first few dates. Dating is designed to figure out what each side wants out of the relationship. Full blown relationship is a heavy investment in time and energy. I would want to find out sooner rather than later that her intentions are to use me as a body count.
    I want something that lasts: I don't want a Ferrari, I prefer a Volkswagen.

    • this is very confusing. so within the first few dates because you don't want to be used as body count or because relationships are investment in time and energy?

    • Both

    • I agree here, because those "Ferrari" women are expensive in maintenance (luxury) but the regular ("Volkswagen" type) is just, you know, awesome!

  • For me, it wouldn't be necessary to tell me because I would be able to tell by her body signals. Her telling me, is only if she felt it really needed to be said

    • Will you follow me back?

    • Thanks for the follow back

  • And?

    • huh?

  • You can tell him whenever you feel like. I would only tell you not to bother too much about it. It's just in your head. The guy isn't even thinking that much maybe.

    He is only moving with the flow. When he has sex in his mind, you'll know and that's when you can put across the red signal (only if that's the most appropriate option)

    Personally, it's kind of hard to stop when you've gone past the first base haha. End of the day, it's your game. Play it the way you like. No judgements. I wish you all the good luck in life :)

    • I'm not playing anything, but thanks :)

    • Life is a game. Thanks!

  • ASAP! the sooner he knows the better.

    • If you are into ONS and sex-only relationships, then yes. Otherwise talking to soon about sex can be misunderstood and considered as impolite.

    • I don’t understand how that’s impolite. This just sounds like setting boundaries to me.

    • It is a cultural thing, some may find it impolite because sex doesn't belong into words for them but into bed. Sure it is setting boundaries and that is very important.

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  • Definitely early in the relationship to manage his expectations.

  • Whenevet you feel is the right time for it

  • Show More (24)

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