Guys, why are you concerned about a woman’s sexual history?

Question

Why is it important to you to know her body count?

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

That is an excellent question actually. I honestly don't know if I'm able to articulate this in words.

I would start by saying "some of it, is for similar reasons that you also care about your partner's sexual history" (If your boyfriend has had his dick in 273 other women's vaginas... you want to know that right? Because it does carry some meaning. It does say something about someone to a point. It's a fact that is not irrelevant, is my point).

But it's really not at all that simple or straightforward. There is a whole hell of a lot more to why guys care about this than is illustrated by pointing out that women also care. They DO care in very different ways. I will certainly concede that.

I think it comes down to something related to the idea of "exclusivity" or of "feeling special to the woman". I think that is, at it's roots what it often comes down to.

ALso, lets note... that there are some SUPER fucked-up and unhealthy reasons SOME guys care about this. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm a decent guy. I don't feel my reasons are fucked up (although I also don't claim they are "right" or even defensable). I just think that "most" guys do care about this on some level. Even ones who aren't fucked up. It depends on the thinking.

So exclusivity and feeling special then.

I think, that for purely illustrative purposes... it makes sense to choose an absurdly extreme example (just because an extreme case, makes a phenomenon more obvious)

So let's say, you find out that your new girlfriend has had sex with 1000 men before you.

So, again, that number does on-its-face say something about a woman. You can debate WHAT that says about a woman exactly... but you can't really claim that it doesn't mean anything. It does.

So I say 'exclusivity' and that's not really even the right word. And also, I don't pretend that this thinking is sound, or rational or fair. I'm not trying to defend it. Just explain it.

If your girlfriend has been intimate with 1000 other men. SHared those moments with SO SO many others that she now shares with you... it can lead to an (admittedly irrational) feeling of a loss of exclusivity.

You feel that... these moments that are so intimate and special to you (and that you hope are special to her too)... are no different than similar intimate moments she has shared with so many others. This is not something special that few people get to experience with this person. Many others have been in my spot before me. I would be foolish to feel there is anthing meaningful, special or significant about what she's doing here with me. SHe has done this with so many others that there is nothing special about this. I am merely number 1001.

I think that's what it comes down to for me. Now, again, thats a girl with a body count of 1000.

There is, also being a reasonable person. It's not right or fair to expect a woman to be a virgin or to have a body-count of 3. Because... women are people just like dudes. They have their own past and history... and furthermore... they didn't know they were ever going to even meet me when they chose to have sex with past partners.

But it still matters to me. (A lot) whether a woman has had 10 sexual partners or 100 sexual partners. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. That doesn't mean that I would never ever consider being with someone with such a high body count... but I would sure as shit care. And I would sure as shit wish it was a more reasonable body-count. It DOES say something about a woman. But that doesn't mean it's not something a guy is ultimately going to accept.

Depends on the guy. Depends on how he feels about it. But your body count is what it is. You did things however you chose to do them. If a guy wants to judge you for that... it's kinda his problem. If YOU don't have a problem with your body-count, then you shouldn't have any time for a guy who does (but it's not fair to complain about it either... because... it's well known some guys care about this. So the decisions you made, were made with your eyes-open)

Messianic_Monk · Accepted Answer

There are a bunch of things. Let me share things that come instantly to mind:

Someone with a bunch of former partners is either bad at vetting them, is not serious about relationships or has no self control and will sabotage my relationship with her.

It is hard for somebody who has had that many encounters to truly be happy with what they end up with. There have been numerous studies done showing the happiness level of people in general (more so women than men) whom have had multiple partners vs few partners. It comes down to this: the person with multiple partners is always comparing what they've got with what they had. Unless their current partner is the culmination of what they previously had with all their other partners it is hard for them not to second guess their current partner. Could you live with the idea of YOUR man taking who you are and comparing it to 30 other women? Do you honestly think that every last attribute of you will be better than any attribute of any other women he's been with? I'll answer that one for you: no. There's nothing wrong with that! But this is the consequence of having that many partners.

Then of course there's the horror of what could possibly be lurking in the bat cave 🤮 I don't even want to go here...

Bottom line, multiple partners is never a good thing. The reasons that some of the women have given in this comment section about "jealousy" and "insecure" might work for some but not all. To me it seems like a bunch of women making excuses for why men don't want them/refusing accountability 🤷

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It’s their insecurity talking. Men tend to be jealous and possessive and they can’t stand the idea that you may have had other partners or more than they’ve had. A sexually experienced woman also doesn’t settle for less than stellar sex and they are afraid of not measuring up. They try to hide that insecurity behind some sort of puritanical moral crusade but it’s all bullshit. My body count is not overly high but I won’t share it. My past partners are not my current partners business. I learned early on that sharing my number leads to more questions about who I’ve been with and what kind of sex acts I’ve done and it turns into a big insecurity fest real quick. It’s a huge turn off. If a boyfriend asks my number, I politely explain that my past is private and I don’t share that information. If he doesn’t respect that and asks again, he gets shown the door……. permanently.

LazerBean · Accepted Answer

To measure STD risk and predict relationship success. Same a why women should be concerned about the body count of the men they are interested in.

Quackthulu2 · Answer

To be fair it is nice to get an idea of a person’s level of experience before doing anything sexual with them. Easier to find out what they do and don’t like that way.

Pinz89 · Answer

Risk of STDs. Heck, I would want to know how many women my boyfriend or husband slept with too!

summiter · Answer

I do not worry about it. Our pasts are our pasts.

integrale77 · Answer

I'm not personally bothered by a woman's sexual history. If I'm in a relationship I'm only with that person not everyone in her history.

Miristheiss · Answer

Why do you care how tall a guy is?

Why do you care about how much he makes?

Why do you care about his status?

Because you are a woman.

Most men don't want girlfriends or possible future wives and possibly mothers to our kids to have already given themselves to a bunch of other men who have tasted, been inside her, left intimate sex fluids in her mouth, been in threesomes, have videos of her getting nailed floating around somewhere... etc.

That gross and who wants to be her 20th dick? Why is she special? Who wants to make that the mom of our kids.

Men are attracted to and unattracted to different things.

Whether you like it or not that is reality.

You wouldn't care unless you've already slept around a lot and you know a lot of guys are now turned off by it.

MementoMori777 · Answer

It kinda somewhat tells you how their self control is, a girl with many bodies compared to their age, it says a lot, a girl my age should not have had more than 4 boyfriends and I still don't know what to think about that, if it's more it says she either has bad taste in men, she isn't serious about relationships, there's clearly something up with her if she has had many bfs, this is an example, I'm sure you get the point

emilykwilson · Answer

Insecure guys obviously

Bricealan · Answer

I like to hear about a girl's previous sex experiences, just to hear from her, not to make any judgments. It just gets me hard to hear her tell who fucked her, who had the biggest penis, how he did it, did he eat her out etc

For me I like the eroticism.

RavVid · Answer

We want to feel confident we are the father when she gets pregnant. Also the more men a girl has had the less she puts in the effort to keep the relationship chugging along. She will be more easy come easy go with guys.

Sleeper07 · Answer

This is an unpopular opinion. When it comes to sex, I don't care about body count, I will fuck what I like. I don't shame women on their sexual history. I personally think it's rooted in a guy's jealousy because we do struggle a lot to get sex. Even as a handsome dude I still am jealous over a some of girl's body count.

When it comes to relationships it does matter, it's very likely that a girl who has not been prudish enough will exhibit desires of wanting to betray and cheat for a better man. Even if you love the guy, you will still desire the better option sexually, and then it will often turn romantically until you eventually fall out of love with the guy you're with.

That's not to say that a guy still won't be crazy enough to fall in love with you enough to have a relationship with you. There will always be a simp ready to get his heart crushed.

But I really respect women who are honest about their sexual history, in fact I appreciate it, and I believe most women should continue to be honest about it. It shows that you respect men enough.

Overall we all have our boundaries, and boundaries should always be respected no matter who the person is.

FeelingGroovy · Answer

No guy has ever asked about that.

megabamse · Answer

Inexperienced childish boys concern about that. Adult, confident men don't.

Marked_Man · Answer

No guy who's committing to a woman wants to look at her and think about all the different dicks that were inside her and all the things other guys did to her. It's because women are submissive sexually and men "do things" to women. A committed girlfriend is supposed to make a guy feel better about himself, not make him not be able to look her in the eye or want to touch her thinking about what other men did to her.

Nervzgrl · Answer

i don't date guys that ask this question because most then ask about the "biggest" i've had and it comes off as just gross and insecure

BarryLiverstone · Answer

The past can predict the future. Would you wanna know his sexual history?

smilelots · Answer

no does not bother me at all.. sex love tenderness is something we all need to learn to do better , the more you are into it the better for the next person that comes your way , most of the time , thats is what i think,, we learn from doing and watching right.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Because if she let some other guy put his penis inside of her body, then I don't want her. Period. I only want a woman who has morals and self-control.

Jay3344 · Answer

For me it’s curiosity and health. If she’s been with 200 guys, then the act alone is not as special and the person doing the act seems less special too. On top of that there’s a huge health concern, not only physically but mentally. What did all of these men do to her psyche and her body? Disease, trauma, whatever. The body count question is a very normal and understandable question.