Has anyone’s so gained way too much weight?

[Jaredwailer]

So I just joined this because I honestly wanted to ask this anonymously. Most of my friends are my going on 6 year girlfriends friends and all my female friends are her friends. So here it is… my girl has gained over 100 pounds since we met. I am very uncomfortable with this. The sex is terrible and her tummy gets in the way. She Carry’s all her weight in her tummy and love handles it would be different if she had a booty but that’s flat. I guess she has an apple shaped body. It’s gotten to the point when we have sex and I’m on top I have to lean back to give her tummy room. Her friends have hinted her going to the gym with them or doing a diet with them but they are very subtle about it. I know if I go to one of her friends about it I’m going to get attacked so I’m going on here has anyone dealt with this and honestly I am affraid to tell her because she’s very sensitive and she will get very upset.

[Avicenna]

Let her friends do the convincing on the gym. Try to get her to eat healthier, because you can't lose weight if you're eating too much.

Put a pillow under her butt when you're having sex.

[Jaredwailer]

Lol dude I totally do the pillow so the belly hangs toward her haha have u done that

[In_Trance]

Nope

[Ozanne]

You don't ever need to tell an overweight person they're overweight. They painfully are aware.

Some points to keep in mind that many don't realize:

1. As a bigger woman, carrying around the weight physically hurts. Imagine you, lugging around fifty extra pounds all day long. Imagine just distributing all of that all over your arms, legs, back, and belly. After a while, you'd be frustrated by it all. We know what we look like, and don't need to be patronized "if you just walked, that's exercise too, you know". We aren't stupid. We know moving about is exercise. The problem is that it hurts. It really does. And we also know we look ridiculous in our first few attempts to stretch and exercise, so we try to go it alone. But that's so difficult without encouragement and to stop the belittling from others about what they think we are.

2. As a bigger woman who does walk around feeling like crap with the extra weight, I'm very aware that I should eat less and exercise more. But carrying all this extra weight makes exercise so incredibly uncomfortable and painful. I dare not go to a gym to have people pull out their phones, because we all see TikTok fat-shaming people, and that does NOTHING for our mental health along with trying to get ourselves better.

3. The comments and quips about our size makes us feel defeated at every turn. Just when we are proud to lose ten pounds, we could be doing something innocent like filling gas in our cars at the gas station and someone will call out, "You about done there, fattie?" That sort of humiliation after accomplishing a little bit will have us back home and into a bag of Oreos really quick because we will feel as though our accomplishments have meant nothing.

4. Weight loss is an excruciating long process. Because of this, we endure the insults as we go along and develop our ups and downs as we go because we become so mentally pained by the hurt we feel by others who tear us down just for trying.

5. Eating less is a fucking nightmare because we are so used to eating a certain amount, at certain times. To drastically cut all that down sends actual hunger shocks throughout our bodies that are called "hunger pangs" and we feel them endlessly as we try to curb our eating. It feels horrible, and just to have one chocolate bar to feel better is both the best and worst thing we can do for ourselves. We eat and feel pleasure. We seem to require the pleasure because we're hit with insults, stares, and of course, the do gooders who are "concerned for our health" who won't let up about what we should be doing.

6. We still want love, and we are not happy that people like you are embarrassed or repulsed by us. I have personally gone through weight gain and loss, and heard all the comments: "Gee you were looking really terrible there for a while, good thing you lost all that weight." When the weight came back on, I hid in my house, mortified to be seen, knowing what people really thought of me.

So please, for the love of god, do NOT get into this with her as if she is not aware. Love her for who she is, or do her the favour of letting her go so she can find incentive to find happiness on her own. Knowing you're sticking around and tolerating her would be devastating if she knew how you really thought of her. She's still your girlfriend, full of the same thoughts, dreams, and wishes to be everything you want and all she can be. Just some touching faith to let her know that no matter what, you'll love her is exactly what she might need to be on the road to wellness.

[Jaredwailer]

Yea I figured I would get attacked

[Ozanne]

What? You think I'm attacking you with my response? I honestly am not doing that. I'm trying to make you understand something. See things through our eyes so that you can have an idea of what it's really like to be hated over something that is so hard to change. Not many people actually know what we go through, and I hoped that letting you in on how we feel will give you some compassion. I read your added remark on your original post that you're thinking of breaking up with her. I'm not sure what type of responses you hoped to get. Maybe some encouragement that you should break up with her? That yes, it's disgusting, and you should leave? If you want validation, then I agree with you if that's the case. Maybe you really should end things because you're not with her 100% for the reasons people stay together, and sticking around is really not being fair to you or her. If it were me on the other end, yes, I'd want my boyfriend to leave me so I can at least find a shot at happiness in some other way. Maybe it would be the motivator to finally lose some weight, or it would give an opportunity to be available to a man who didn't care so much about the weight gain. This is not meant as an attack. I fully agree if that's what you think you should do. For your happiness AND hers, you're not in it 100%, so why stay? I just explained how hard it is to change, so it might be that it will be too much time to wait for that change to happen for your liking, that's all.

[Jaredwailer]

Honestly I would just like her to lose the big tummy and love handles and that’s it

[Ozanne]

You can't pick and choose what part of the weight loss will be lost where on the body. It's still a regime that takes an enormous amount of discipline and willpower, all the while being up against the discomfort of the actual act of trying, and overcoming the judgments and insults people make when they see [us] try. It's a long process, and very hard. If you say she's gained 100lbs, it's not just in her tummy, it will be all over, and no amount of sit ups are going to just focus on the tummy and nothing else. That's not how the science of weight loss works. That's how strengthening muscles happen. Her tummy weight still requires a lot of changes she needs to make in her life. But if you tell her this, I promise you she's going to be pissed off because as I said before--WE KNOW. We don't need to be informed as if we've never looked in a mirror. We can feel our weight on us constantly and no one likes it. But what's worse is feeling defeating as we do what we can to try to lose the weight only to still have people out there on social media reminding us that we're unhealthy and awful to look at. That sort of thing destroys our psyche and just makes us want to hide out and eat a bag of chips in one sitting. We need cooperation from society. We need people to give us a break, and stop making fun of us or making us feel like degenerates for having extra weight. If you can't do this, then the person closest to her is letting her down, so maybe yes, end things so you aren't disappointed any more and give her the chance to find happiness too.

[CrimsonAngel09]

Dude, she wasn't attacking you in any way.

[Ozanne]

@CrimsonAngel09 He expected responses to agree with him and help him with his awful problem. Anything other than that was apparently "an attack". I just realized he made a brand new account just to be that much anonymous to post this question, because he knew it was a shitty thing to post.

[Jaredwailer]

Yea I’m a monster

[Jaredwailer]

I get the felling you didn’t vote for trump

[molonski2]

It needs a complete lifestyle change and on the assumption she is a similar age to yourself , this is extremely important , its life/ death and sound never be accepted. You really need to be cruel to be kind , but this must be addressed , maybe with tact , but it must be addressed. I'd approach it straight out , and start working towards an overall plan , it must start with exercise and to begin ZERO processed carbs , no processed food , no fast food at all ==EVER. Fat is an attitude , she needs to learn to be strong , but for her own health she cannot carry on like this , in this day and age there are simply no excuses for these actions , education starts now and continues for life.

[CrimsonAngel09]

I was going to say something, but then you'll claim I was "attacking" you.

Have a nice day.

[Jaredwailer]

That’s your choice

[OfMiceandMen]

I am sure she is painfully aware of the weight gain. Perhaps, rather than saying anything about it, why not suggest some dates activities that include hiking and being active.

She can't really say you're trying to make her lose weight because all couples walk do activities together. Kind of an indirect way of helping her to lose weight. She will likely thank you for being understanding.

[Jaredwailer]

I’m just tired of the big belly

[OfMiceandMen]

Understandable, but in relationships you sometimes have to be the solution and not the problem. It's easy to point out the weight gain/dump her and make her feel like crap, it takes a real partner to do something about it.

[Wonderingguyy]

Just support her as much as you can, and never bring up her weight in a nasty way, or make her feel bad about herself. Even if you want to bring up her weight to her, don’t say it in a negative way. Ask her if she’s happy, and whether the two of you (to soften the blow) should start going on daily walks and eating a bit healthier.


Being concerned about her is okay, but if you aren’t still attracted to her with her belly fat, then you don’t actually love her that much and you might as well call it off and not waste her time.

[Nikki1989]

No, I have been the same weight for about 2 years now.

[Jaredwailer]

Not you I meant your so

[Nikki1989]

He has lost weight.

[Jaredwailer]

How did u get him to do that