Have you ever abused or hit your partner before or gotten abused?

[Anonymous]

I’m really scared of dating because I hear so many things about guys being abusive, getting raped or sexually harassed. I’m just scared In general about those things, especially the state I live in is not really the safest and human trafficking is really common in my state. I don’t know just being a teenage girl makes me scared of all these things. And I’ve seen on this site about guys taking about how they beat their wives or they hit their wives. And I even saw this guy that said he knew his neighbor was being raped and abused and he did nothing about it because “she deserved it” for getting with him. People like that make me really scared.

[MrOracle]

I've never hit a partner in anger, and the only women I've ever hit were both as a young teen, and both were several years older and bigger than me and had hit me first and were continuing to attack.

People hitting each other in relationships is the exception, not the norm. And the most important thing you can do to avoid falling into that kind of situation is to decide, right now, that you deserve basic human respect and you insist on it, and that being hit by your partner is an INSTANT and ABSOLUTE deal-breaker with no second chances. If you have that attitude strong in your mind, you'll tend not to attract abusers in the first place, but should you ever happen to fall for one, and he hits you, you'll immediately grab your stuff and leave and never look back.

The problem a lot of women have is that they prioritize maintaining the relationship over their own safety. "But I *LOVE* him and I don't want to LOSE him!" If a guy hits you, he does NOT love you, and that should instantly snap you right out of the illusion that he does, and should make you forget any ideas that you'd even WANT to keep him, and you should walk away IMMEDIATELY. Generally, the women who are continually abused are women who refuse to walk away, and justify the abuse in their own minds.

Now, it's also true that you're going to need to take some responsibility for AVOIDING abusers in the first place. And you do that by moving slowly in a relationship rather than quickly, and by paying attention to how the guy talks to you and to everyone around you, as well as asking HIM lots and lots of questions, and paying careful attention to the answers. Again, a lot of women ignore the many red flags abusers are often flying, because "he's so hot" or "he's so confident" or "I want him so badly", but you have to use your brain instead of just your emotions, especially in the beginning, and you have to be willing to walk away if you are getting the wrong answers.

And, hopefully, I don't need to tell you that getting drunk or high with a guy alone, or at a party, is a bad idea. It might be fun to do, but it makes you incredibly vulnerable too, and it's one of the most common ways that women are taken advantage of.

[Anonymous]

The fear is real. I was also afraid. I have been emotionally, mentally and physically abused by every man I have been with. However, I have to stand back and take part in that.. What most people will say is "Well guys shouldn't be doing that" when in all actuality, it has a lot to do with women's poor choices of getting together with certain men knowing they are toxic. Do they intend to be beaten? No, of course not. And of course it isn't their fault, either. But they do partake in it because they choose to stay. They choose to not press charges. They choose to have kids with them and endure the abuse, later inflicting it on their children because of their own fear. Fear is what puts women into these positions and I personally know this first hand. I stayed with my abuser, my children's father, for 7 years before I finally got the courage to leave. Why did I ever stay? Who knows! Maybe because he manipulated me to a point where i felt undesirable and thought the abuse was okay. You accept the love you feel like ut ou deserve. Growing up in a rough childhood, watching your mother get beaten and put in the hospital should be enough to steer clear of those men after all, right? Apparently not. Sometimes you fall right into the same shirt because you consider it to be your "normal". That and women like settling because they feel that when they age, they become less desirable. So we settle for far less from men undeserving. Its just as much on us. Men who beat and manipulate and sabotage women's life for the pure fun of it are pieces of shit, yes. However, we also have a huge part to play in that. I have been beaten, raped, "pimped out" by an older men when I was 15 and honestly, I thought it was a normal. It wasn't until I had my youngest son that I snapped out of it and realized that by me staying, I was raising my boys to think it was okay to do this shit to women. So, I finally left. Courage is all it takes. Stand up for yourself and stop fearing the idea of being alone and undesirable if you ever get involved with a man like this. Walk away. Get a restraining order. Fuck it, if you are scared MOVE! Do what you have to to protect yourself and please do not ever turn out like me. Abuse is not okay and should NEVER be accepted.

[wingattebaby16]

The key here is to make sure you know the guy well before you go out with or date him.

If you date, go to public places.

Don't let him pick you up, instead meet him at the date place.

Until you know him and trust him, don't be alone in places like his car as you are only setting yourself up for problems.

Never give out your personal info, especially to someone you meet online.

I have been in abusive relationships before, but at first they were always nice and I trusted them. Having a bad self image, even when I was being abused (mentally and physically), I justified to myself "it is better to have a bad boyfriend, instead of being alone".

[thatguy1559]

I've been verbally abused. But if it that's bad were you at dont date if you dont feel safe. Only meet in areas where you feel safe with an unseen friend in the distance. Or wait til you able to move with college

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[Breanna_nonbinary]

That’s understandable. You just have to look for the warning signs. They’ll tell you if there are going to be problems in the future.

[purplepoppy]

The problem is these girls go for the badboy types then discover that they're bad people. If you play with shit you're going to get dirty.

[MissDawn7961]

since you are so young , try to concentrate on - graduating , getting a job and moving into your own place - ! thanks

[slatyb]

No and yes. Abuse doesn't have to be physical.

[Twalli]

Most relationships are not violent or abusive.

[GreenGold1992]

No, I would never abuse anyone or put up with abuse.

[Jakeofalltrades93]

never.

[bnn87]

Nope, and never in a million years would I do such a thing, really. My heart does go out for those abused persons tho..

[Anonymous]

You need to stop listening to feminist rhetoric. Your chances of being sexually or physically abused are very small, despite the false and inflated statistics feminist organizations push.

By the way, men are hit by their wives just as much and women are hit by their husbands. But you wouldn't know that because of all the rhetoric to the contrary.

[Asker]

1 in 4 girls are sexually abused and raped

[Opinion Owner]

False. That is a very old statistic that even the person who published it has acknowledged was misleading. The study on which it was based was very flawed and taken out of context. The real number, based on FBI statistics, is something like 1 in 120.

[Asker]

Haha no that’s An actual statistic from the NSVRC, there’s no way it’s 1 in 120

[Anonymous]

I would never be abusive to my partner; as I have been abused by my father.