Have you ever had revenge sex?

Question

Sometimes, "revenge sex" is going out and having sex with the first person you find available after you learn that your long term partner cheated on you. Sometimes, it is going through a break up and having sex with your ex's best friend, brother, sister, the person they were cheating with, to try to hurt your ex even more than they hurt you. And sometimes, revenge sex is just going out and having hot, meaningless sex to prove that you are still desirable and can please a partner in bed. I've never done it. Maybe some people go out, find a partner, and explain, "I need to use your body for sex, if that's okay with you. Just to be clear, I really don't like you at all" . . . but that probably doesn't happen very often. So it seems to me that your partner in the revenge sex escapade most likely ends up feeling used and I would feel horribly guilty about treating someone else that way. Have you ever had revenge sex? Aside from the fact that sex feels good (duh!,) did having revenge sex make you feel better about being cheated on or getting dumped and told you were lousy in bed or whatever happened that made you want revenge sex?

19magic · Accepted Answer

I've never done it but did want to provide an opinion on how would the other person feel. It definitely depends on the other person and the situation itself. With the dumped and you have meaningless sex, I've been in a situation where I did that - not because of being dumped though. At the time I thought it was what I needed and or wanted/deserved, I got a few things out of it closeness with another guy, sexual satisfaction and comfort. Since it was just meaningless sex it's not like these guys were feeling used or hurt since you both got together under the one time arrangement. It can also prove to you the things one has said isn't true, although I've used gag for that purpose and that's often made me feel better.

I also think there's a way that revenge sex can happen in a non-melicious way. Such as partner cheats and the family/friends shuns him. The brother/friend helps out and hangs with any children and comforts spouse and one thing can lead to another to find the pair of them in bed, both of them giving an f u to the cheater. Of course it's more likely the spouse seeks it out on perpose and hurts the person on the cheaters side, all in the name of revenge.

belle_kai · Accepted Answer

No, I didn't know that was a thing? I feel like that would just make someone feel like shit lol

GOLDFISH_smile · Answer

Had revenge sex after finding out she cheated on me. It felt good at first, but the other person let it slip what they actually thought of me, so that kinda killed the mood after. Anyway bad idea, would not recommend.

razelove · Answer

I thought you were talking about a grudge fuck for a second there... Anyway, yeah, I've done that before, and it was satisfying for a little while. Most likely because her friend was attractive and enthusiastic. I hadn't broken up with her or filed for divorce yet, so it didn't solve or bring closure to anything.

That was probably the biggest downer after the thrill wore off. They also got into a fight with each other in a waffle house parking lot, which I just found downright amusing and classy as hell.

It was a good wake-up call though, that I needed to figure out what I did and didn't want, then have a bottom line there. The solutions weren't outside, but inside me for how young I was. In that way it made me feel better long term as it made me more adamant about getting a divorce and having principles going forwards.

Emelina · Answer

No never... I don't follow the steps of my ex so I can compete with him... instead I let it go. Don't need the dramas or the reactions I will get from the ex. It's just another issue to start all over and I can't handle the bs.

comekitty · Answer

No, I've never done this and I think it's an awful thing to do to someone.

RobT312 · Answer

Never needed to, fingers crossed. But if I were put in that situation I probably would!

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

No… When I was newly broken up and feeling really sad, upset and lonely and I thought I would die of a heartbreak, there was this celebrity, I’ve never seen anyone as hot as him in my life honestly…

When I showed my friends his photos, all of them were shocked, how could I say NO to him.

He asked me out and even though I was very attracted to him, it was obvious he was mainly interested in sex, even though that he told me, he was willing to wait for me when I said I wasn’t interested in casual relationship. He was rushing to invite me to his house, what should I do in a guy’s house that I don’t know? Of course, he wanted to have sex!

He was so hot, for a moment I imagined that I’ll probably never ever meet a man as hot as him and It would make me feel so confident to sleep with a man who was easily the sexiest in the city, felt like maybe it would help me recover from my break up, but I quickly got rid off that thought. Even felt ashamed to think of it even for a second. I would feel gross to have sex with someone I don’t love. Isn’t sex - manifestation of your love?

I am happy I didn’t have sleep with him. Even the thought of it, makes me feel bad.

Now that I know I said no to a man as sexy as him even in such a vulnerable state as I was back then, there’s no way I am having casual sex with anyone. I mean, that was a great test for me. I said no to a guy who was irresistibly hot, there’s no way I am having sex with anyone out of a relationship. I just can’t.

I have never had sex with anyone other than my ex fiance and wouldn’t like to have any casual sex, revenge or not.

percival27 · Answer

I have never felt the need for revenge. I have never got into a relationship with someone who wasn't already a person I felt a deep connection, and felt like I could communicate. I mostly got into a relationship when I (1) felt like I just could be myself with them, or had the impression that it was probably the case, and (2) I felt like there was this kind of friendly complicity that implies that awkward things can be laughed about, and that defects and mistakes are shared without fear of judgment.

These two things I seek in my true friendships already, and are among the most valuable treasures in my life. The thing that makes me want to go beyond a friendship, is the physical attraction, and see that our plans of life might be aligned. It's not that in the first kiss I am already asking the person to marry me. I know it may not happen, but I have to have the impression that long term and a deeper more intimate connection is possible.

If I am convinced it's just something physical, I wouldn't even flirt... unless I have clarified that the flirt is just playfulness, as I like being very frontal and explicit if that is the case.

I know I am an odd one, but, I thought I might share the perspective.

So, when a relationship has ended, it's because we have both honestly tried several times fixing what we think should be fixed, and find that for it to be fixed, concessions that cannot be done are necessary. But I have learned a lot in my past relationships, and I am thankful for having those experiences.

It has been heartbreaking when they ended, as usually I still have feelings. I think it's important to accept that loving someone doesn't mean that you can have them as partners in a healthy way.

Sometimes my partners (just one woman.. specifically) that had told me she felt the need to have sex with another specific man she suddenly started a very strong chemistry with, and that she felt she could be happy with him. I told her to go and try to be happy. It wasn't a conflict for me, as I know very well that she could have just done it without telling me. She said she understood I'd like to end things there, as I am a monogamous person, and in fact things ended shortly after that.

The only conflict I had in these matters, was when that person (who is still my friend, as things were healed with time) got extremely angry, full of indignation, when she learned that I was dating someone else. She had the impression I would never be able to love someone else, and then when I was dating again she decided to conclude that I never really loved her, which wasn't true, and isn't true.

I did get angry at her for texting me, and leaving me messages calling me hypocrite (after she had other relationships after we had broken). However, there was no desire to have revenge, I just wanted her to leave me alone, and stop being so immature or insecure.

She eventually got enough therapy to see things differently on her own, and apologized, and she is an amazing friend right now.

So, I guess the message I want to bring is... sometimes the way we relate, just doesn't bring in any way the need for revenge. If you have brought your relationship to a place where you trust that, if something made you mad, you are sure that this wasn't intentional, it's difficult to feel vengeful emotions.

Faith18letsgo · Answer

I said I’ve never had revenge sex but I’ve definitely had it for the wrong reasons. I was in love with my best friend but she was in love with my other best friend so I had sex with him.

Partially because I was jealous of him but mostly because I wanted to be close to him.

Paul_in_Indy · Answer

Oh yes! I have had some mind-blowing revenge sex! …. but I wasn’t the one seeking revenge

Agape93 · Answer

Nope. If I'm cheated on, I end the relationship entirely. I don't cheat as well. If I want revenge, I'll do so, but it won't be cheating like that

coconut94 · Answer

Just seems empty, so no

Massageman · Answer

NO, darn the luck.

Unit1 · Answer

I'm not one of the top 20% of men, that magically attract most women.

DiegoO · Answer

No, but I experienced it. Only that it was: revenge "online sex". I thought she was more mature. I mean, I thought she was gonna breakup with me, before going for the revenge.

Sparkie460 · Answer

I've never had revenge sex

clampfan101 · Answer

Hell no! That’s just as wrong.

Caliguy88 · Answer

I would not say revenge. But I’ve absolutely hated a couple girls I’ve had sex with. If there was revenge sex it would be when I’ve banged an ex’s friends. But I just had always wanted to. Not to hurt her.

LavLavLuv · Answer

i've never had revenge sex

Pudsmucker · Answer

Yes, revenge sex 49 years ago. I can't remember much about it except for I was dumped hurt like hell. So I decided to go out have a good time with another woman. It felt so good. I got over the pain and heartbreak.

msc545 · Answer

All kinds of revenge sex and in fact probably every kind listed in this question and a few not listed. Some of it was great - most of it was meaningless - I don't do it anymore because it didn't help me one bit and actually made me more lonely and caused a lot of trouble for me.