Having sex with my wife isn’t fun at all, and it’s very frustrating. What am I supposed to do in this situation?

I love my wife, but every time we have sex it just feels like a chore. She just lies there like a dead fish on the bed, she doesn’t like kissing at all (which I love), she doesn’t like me doing oral on her (and she won’t do it on me at all because she’s a germaphobe (this is why she doesn’t like kissing either)), and we only do one position because the girth of my penis hurts her (that’s using lube as well). She finds sex to be meaningless, and has said before that it’s something that only sluts and people with no goals or aspirations want. It’s becoming less fun, and most importantly, less sensual and romantic. I’m just feeling more and more frustrated, and honestly find myself just masturbating more to porn. I don’t know what to do, and I need some advice.
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Superb Opinion

  • Wow, sorry to hear. My first question would be... how was the sex before you got married? Did it change that much?
    At your age you need to be getting laid all the time.
    So, first I would try and talk to her... what's up? Why the A-Sexual attitude?
    And if that won't work, either get divorced and find a gal that likes sex. Or work something out with her about you having affairs on the side and she don't ask, you don't tell. I know a couple that did that.
    Good Luck.

    • I’ll admit, the sex was pretty good with my first girlfriend, and after we broke up, I was kinda just having one-night stands. Some were good, and some were bad, but with my wife, it just feels like I’ve been having mediocre sex. Nothing too fun or experimental. I know she had told me that it hurts her when we have sex because my girth is too big for her, so it’s just not as pleasurable for her. I’ll admit, I’ve come more with her than with other girls, but there’s just so many dimensions that are missing when I’m trying to make love with her.

    • So what are you going to do? Keep on going the way you are going? Work on finding a solution. If you don't have kids, you have more options... just sayin' She sounds like she is not to into sex at all. That would bother me.

    • Thanks, I think... I hope you do find a solution.. :)

Most Helpful Guy

  • I've been in a similar situation, but it was only occasionally that she would just lay there and it felt like a chore.
    In my situation the relationship had kind of run it's course and we were growing apart.
    It sounds like your situation may be different.
    Was she always like this?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • With such differing views, why did you ever get married? You can try couples counseling. But you may end up divorced. Probably never should have been together.

  • Sorry to hear about the issues. Keep using lots of lube. Would you 2 consider sex counseling? Maybe try different positions? How often are you having sex? Consider getting her a vibrator for Christmas!!!

    Are you able to jerk off when things are not frequent?

  • And you didn't know all this BEFORE you married her?

    • I thought she would change over time, but it’s starting to come to a head.

    • Wow, dude. Sorry that is happening, but you should have seen it coming.

  • Tell her you are going to get someone els for sex

  • Would you still have married her if you'd have known the future?
    If not: talk about it, and return her to her parents.
    Sounds rough, I know. But entering a marriage is about sex as well. So if she see's that differently and she did NOT speak about it, you were deceived.

  • Your relationship may benefit from couple's counselling or by seeing a sex therapist.

  • you knew this before marrying her.

  • So why don't you talk to her about it first?

  • Seriously, find a fuck buddy if you want to stay with her but if you would rather not continue the relationship due to her lack of passion for you, you need to find someone more giving. This is the only life that you will have and it's too short to have to put up with her scruples.

  • I think you might need some marriage counseling. That’s not a good sign.

  • I know my wife was like that. My wife passed away. I miss her. I dont miss that though

  • Get someone els for your sexual Desires, but tell her first. Take that person home to fuck

  • Have you tried having sex with someones elses wife?

  • Nothing much. Bear with it and try to enjoy it now as she is your wife.