He chokes me very hard during sex?

Is it normal when a guy chokes you very hard during sex? Because my boyfriend is lately choking me up until I can barely breathe.. and he goes even harder when I tap him to stop.
Do men really like that?
Updates:
+1 y
Thank you all for de advice and concern. I was a virgin (religious reasons) and he is my first.. so I’m a bit new to everything and I did mention it but he told me he won’t go too far and that it’s all just a part of sex. But I honestly was scared at one point when he would not stop while I was tapping and saying stop. I need to talk with him and leave him if he does not stop..
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Superb Opinion

  • Well, a lot of men do that when they have a domineering type personality. They do that to show their control and it turns them on even more. But if you don't like it, you have to tell him. Because if you are not into this, then you might not be able to adapt to such an act, leading to major injuries. Tell him to keep boundaries and stay within it too. You can keep a rule like once a week, he is allowed to do something like this as long as he doesn't go too far and as a benefit to you, you can have a kind of fantasy once a week for yourself.

Most Helpful Girls

  • No its fucking not.


    If you didn't agree to that, it's making you do something dangerous without your consent.



    You fight and you get him out of you. Or punch him on the nose hard enough to draw blood if he's resisting.
    Stop the sex.
    When you can breathe, you then tell him if he ever pulls shit like that again, the only thing that you will be having sex with takes AA batteries.
    Don't go back to having sex with him on that meeting.
    If he's there overnight, show him the sofa and give him a blanket.
    It'll give a message he understands that you're to be treated with respect.


    This is what happens when guys watch fucked up porn and think it's some kind of training video.

    • Darling, you are being FAR too generous with this guy. She needs to leave. The fact that he won't stop after she taps him out is what is so wrong.

  • What irritates me is he's trying to tell you, its a part of sex.. lol.. no, it isn't for everyone. Some people are into that and even when it is something you're into you should still have safe words or gestures to let the other person know u are not feeling what they are doing. Just like u said u day stop or tap him on the shoulder-thats a clear gesture! I'm into many different forms of bdsm, however even I would be pissed at someone for not stopping when I say so... leave him... he's gonna end up killing you.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm sure not most. You need to talk to him and TELL him very emphatically that he is HURTING YOU DURING THAT SEX.. THAT HE HURTS YOU when he chokes you like that WHEN YOU'RE HAVING SEX. Is it a certain type/style or position of sex? He may not realize that he is holding you that tight. He maybe so absorbed in the act, sort of in a trance when he's doing it, in the excitement and buildup of the sex, he just needs to grab and hold something tightly... depending on your position, maybe he can grab and hold the bed headboard. Just an idea. He needs help, something to break his concentration and physical buildup.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • He's watched too much porn, and is missing the point of sex. He's an extremist who's become desensitized.
    Tell him to stop it. You're his lover, not his rag doll to be abused. (I know, he probably claims is asphyxiation for your benefit. But I don't believe him. You ask him to stop and he doesn't.) If he doesn't listen, show him the door.

  • Chicking can be normal (if the couple is comfortable) but you also need to make sure there are limits.

  • AGAIN WITH THE PORN SHIT!
    Stop this idiot RIGHT NOW. This is sadomasochism. Do not allow this man to physically abuse you and hurt you.
    Yeah, there are some men who like this hideous shit, but you cannot allow them to do this to you.
    Get out of this relationship quickly. There are normal guys who want to sex you up lovingly. This guy is a sick fish. RUNNNnnnnnn.,

  • Sounds to me like he's trying to be very dominant. Have you talked to him about it. Breath play can be fun but it's also dangerous.

    • Be very clear what your stop signal is and get him to promise to honor it no matter how turned on he is.

  • Does he know that tapping means stop? Do you get pleasure from being choked?

  • It doesn't matter if he likes it. It matters if you like it.

    Do you enjoy it? If you don't, than tell him you are not into it.

  • well actually I don't think he's supposed to choke you and cut your air off I find that during sex if you want to choke if he squeezes on the sides of your neck for the blood flow as your climaxing feels pretty good but not cutting off your windpipe that sounds creepy

  • Don’t let him do that to you. You clearly aren’t enjoying it.

  • 1. No, most men do not want to come anywhere near choking their partner.

    2. Regardless of how much that gets him off, isn't this scaring the hell out of you? And doesn't he know that? So why are you letting him do this?

    • My feeling exactly. I don't get why people are letting others hurt them.

    • Response to update: "I need to talk with him and leave him if he does not stop.." No, actually, you have already talked to him and he hasn't stopped. You are merely procrastinating because you don't want to break up. There are many women buried in cemeteries around the world because they procrastinated about leaving an abusive guy.

    • He lied to you about stopping to BEGIN with. He is interested in doing what HE wants to do with you. He is using you and this will not stop. Leave him now. This has nothing to do with you being "new to" sex. No self respecting person allows themselves to be HURT! You need to get counseling and you need to get out of this relationship. You will end up dead or emotionally damaged for life. Get out while you are able. This man is a SADIST. Look it UP.

  • You are not actually supposed to choke someone, you just regulate bloodflow to the head my make you lightheaded. Actually choking you is extremly dangerous and he should imideatly stop

    • My thoughts 👍

  • I don't like that stuff and you should not et him do that unless you really want to. He probably is insecure and also sees that stuff on porn sites and thinks it is cool. Do you orgasm when he does that?

  • My boyfriend does it too. And he thrusts so hard that my lower back starts to hurt. Usually guys dont know how painful it can get. So u must tell him. One time i even bled a little after sex, and my boyfriend wasn't aware that he was going that hard on me. So communication is the key

  • If it doesn't turn you on, or he's doing it too hard, it sounds forced and unfit for your relationship.

  • So why the fuck are you still with him?

  • No, it's not normal.. but normal, I suppose, is subjective with this.

    This is what's known as asphyxiophilia and typically practiced in BDSM or power play. This is not something that should be played with. It is NOT a necessary part of sex and can lead to very unfortunate consequences.

  • Erm. You need to have a talk with him if you don’t like that. If he knows that tapping means to stop he needs to stop or you need to get tf away from him

    • what she said

  • This is dangerous. “He goes even harder when I tell him to stop” This is basically rape. He’s breaking the boundary of consent. Why do you accept this? It should be a deal breaker.

  • lol sex has turned into UFC. Literally turn him around grapple him with your legs and then 'ground and pound' until he taps out.

    • you're with an abuser. You think he cares what you say, he didn't listen to you when you were feeling he'd crossed the line. lol next time you may end up in hospital

  • He watches too much porn, dump him before he gets carried away and chokes you to death.

  • Break up

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