He didn’t cum with me?

[Anonymous]

So I’ve been sleeping with a man for over two years. We have always had amazing sex, which is why we’ve been doing it for so long. We just spent the day together and he didn’t cum once, we probably had sex four times and he didn’t cum at all. That has never happened. When we woke up the next day we had sex again and he said he cum but I almost think he faked it. I never said anything last night because I didn’t want him to be in his head about it and make it worse but I know he was thinking about it because he asked me if I was annoyed that he hadn’t cum yet. I said no but internally I was freaking out. He kept holding me and kissing me and telling me how much he loved having sex with me and I know he was trying to make me feel better but it bothered me so much that by the last time we had sex I didn’t even cum and now everything is off. What do I do? Why would this be happening after all this time?

[RealMarek]

If you are having sex with him you should be able to discuss it with him. It’s not the end of the world if he doesn’t orgasm every time he has sex, especially if you are going multiple rounds or having sex very frequently. It happens to middle aged guys sometimes and is not abnormal. If he can’t orgasm at all, there might be a medical issue. Either way, the best approach is to not get insecure about it but to talk through it and make sure he’s okay. And why not make your relationship official? It sounds as if you really enjoy each other.

[Asker]

I’ve heard a lot of men say that when a woman brings attention to it it gets worse and I don’t want to do that to him. Yes I think we enjoy each other a lot, but do men really like it when a woman demands commitment from them?

[RealMarek]

I think what makes sexual issues worse is if the reaction is one of stress or disappointment. If you start by emphasizing how much you like having sex with him and how you don’t think the failure to orgasm on occasion is anything to worry about, but that he should see a doctor if it is happening all the time, then I doubt it would make him upset. As for demanding commitment, I would suggest that you could simply ask for commitment without turning it into an ultimatum. He might be willing. If he is not, you can choose to continue the sexual relationship or not, as you see fit.

[Ill_made_Knight]

That would be something I've literally never experienced... I would tend to think more in terms of something medical just given the description because, I mean there have been times when it's been a bit more difficult to get that big O, and usually because of lack of sensitivity from LOTS of very recent activity... but haven't ever just not cum at all... If it's just that there was no discharge on orgasm that's a bit different... You can do it so much in a short period that you "shoot blanks" so to speak.

[Anonymous]

So it’s the first time this has happened? Relax. People aren’t machines. It can happen. Sometimes I can’t cum no matter what he tries. You say you have amazing sex together. He wasn’t bothered by it, so neither should you be. Enjoy your relationship. Have great sex together and if sometimes it doesn’t go perfectly, don’t panic. It’s ok. You just love each other and try again another day.

[Guy13]

Who did he cum with then? Did she look like you?

[Asker]

I’m not sure I understand what you mean. Are you asking if I think he is sleeping with someone else?

[Guy13]

I was teasing... I have done that before but it was out of spite and hate. I was not going to let her have me. I gave her. her quotas the way she liked BUT not having me. I HAD to focus on not cumming though...

[Asker]

Ohhhhhh.. I didn’t know men did this. He’s very sweet to me and we don’t have any issues so I don’t think he was doing that. I think he may have faked it because he wanted to make me feel better. I appreciate the thought behind it but I feel really bad that I didn’t get him off.

[Guy13]

You shouldn't... Tell he has one more chance to take care of Business OR... :-)

[OlderAndWiser]

So your relationship stays together because of the sex and you are afraid that there is some problem that will make him leave you?

[Asker]

Actually it’s complicated. We aren’t in a relationship. We started sleeping together years ago and have done so exclusively since then. We don’t talk to other people and we are very close but because we haven’t had that conversation, yes, I am very worried that if he is bored of me he will discard me. It’s a huge insecurity of mine.

[OlderAndWiser]

So you are in a relationship without having ever talked about it or acknowledged it?

[Asker]

We talked about it early on. We were both coming out of divorces and keeping things casual worked for us. It’s been so long now and I am very loyal to him and I believe him to be loyal to me as well but because that conversation hasn’t happened again it makes me uncomfortable. I feel very insecure and I think if he knew that he would feel bad but I don’t want to corner him into having a talk he doesn’t want to have.

[OlderAndWiser]

After two years, that talk is something that should have happened. For me, if I date a girl for two years, either she is The One and I am going to propose, or it's ever going to happen so I might as well end it now. In fact, I am contemplating proposing to my girlfriend at Christmas this year. Our first date was December 11, 2020.

[Asker]

Well after two years I’m happy you’re making her a wife. I am still trying to get to girlfriend status. Good luck to you man, that’s awesome!!

[OlderAndWiser]

You need to get some definition on YOUR status! Is that a scary thing to approach now?

[Asker]

Terrifying. There’s the chance that he could get scared off and end it and then I’ve ruined everything.

[OlderAndWiser]

Yu could approach him by saying, 'Somebody asked me recently about our status and after i thought about it, I really didn't know how to reply. Is that something we could talk about?"

[Avicenna]

He must be masturbating a lot

[Asker]

That’s what I’m afraid of but I can’t tell him to stop.

[FilmGuy93]

He might just have a lot on his mind.

[TroyDT]

Look up Retrograde Ejaculation and Dry Orgasm.

[Asker]

I hope that isn’t happening to him. I don’t think he would want to tell me if it was.

[letitgive]

Is he anxious about anything possibly or healthwise?

[Asker]

He just got promoted at work and he said he doesn’t know what he’s doing yet. Health, he had a cold recently and his lower back has been hurting but other than that I don’t know.

[letitgive]

Knowing as a guy, there is times and for many reasons one can't ejaculate. Could be healthwise.