He feels bad for cumming too quickly?

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 2,3 months. When we had sex the first time, he came within 5-10 minutes, then hurridly explained to me that he hadn't had sex in a very, very long time..something like a year. Fast forward a month after that, but this time he last 10 minutes at max (then he gets hard again and then last for about 20 minutes). What I'm getting at is that he gets mad at himself for not being able to last long enough in order to please me ( I've only came once out of the 5 or 6 times we've had sex). I really enjoy having sex with him, and I don't need to have an orgasm every time we do it. He thinks I'm gonna leave him because he can't last too long and can't make me cum. And that's totally not gonna happen but he doesn't seem to believe me when I say that. What else can I do to let him no that I'll stick my him? What are some tricks and tips he or we can do to last longer? Is it normal for a guy to be so distraught or depressed about this?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • You need to talk to him about it when you AREN'T having sex.

    Many girls love having sex, even if they don't have an orgasm every time. Many guys struggle with that concept, because sex to them is virtually equal to orgasm, and for a guy, getting aroused and starting to have sex without being able to finish is annoying and sometimes painful. So it isn't unusual for the perceptions to be different.

    You have exactly the right attitude and good instincts. But you need to talk to him when he is not feeling any sexual pressure, so that he can believe you, and not think you are just trying to make him feel better.

    Explain to him that women are different, and how much you enjoy being physically close and inimate with him, and how great it feels for you to have him inside you, and that it makes you feel good when you can give HIM an orgasm. Let him know that you enjoy yours when they happen, but that you don't put any pressure on him or yourself to have one, because you enjoy all the rest anyway.

    Letting him know all that, away from the bedroom, where you can look him in the eyes and let him know you're telling the truth, should go a long way to reassure him.

  • I was going to answer this question until I read this article; now I feel a bit underqualified: link

    The highlight:

    "The idea of premature ejaculation presupposes that there is a clear end goal, and that you’re getting there too soon. It also presupposes that extending sex is an obvious goal of sex...What if all you wanted from a sexual encounter was to feel good? If ejaculating prematurely feels bad then you’ve got a good reason to learn to control ejaculation. If it doesn’t, then maybe what’s required is a conversation with your sexual partner about what they want, and how you can make sure you both get what you want, how you want it."

    I can't say it better than that, so I won't try.

    Then, AFTER you have that conversation, try this: link

    • thanks for the first link; it was very informative and it's definitely causing me to re-evalute how I pleasure him..maybe it could be my fault? As for the start/stop technique, I do that with him with HJs or BJs but he still comes pretty fast. Idk, I guess I'll jus try slowing everythin down to like half speed.

    • He's learning a skill. It's going to take time, and it will never be perfect. Then again, sex never is, nor does it need to be--it just needs to be good, right?

Most Helpful Girls

  • when you mean you came...does that you you ORGASMED? or you CUMMED? cause you said he can't make you cum...yet you came :/

    well my boyfriend was like that for the first few months, but he was a virgin! so we kept doing it till it wasn't as sensitive. there's nothing wrong with a guy wanting to please his girl :( he felt bad back then...i had to tell him every time that its okay and I don't mind! but now he uses it againist me lol I MADE YOU ORGASM! SHUTUP, ITS MY TURN TO GET ONE! haha

    • sorry for the confusion: what I meant was that I didn't come every time we had sex. I'm able to orgasm, jus not every time we have sex. I don't know I guess it's just something we gotta work on. I just feel bad that he feels bad because it's prob not his fault.

    • The fact that he you have Orgs at all is lucky. most women it doesn't come easy. You two just need to relax. Intimancy is what's importent. It sounds like he's getting flustered. The time inbetween should be for more foreplay. not giving head just kissing touching loving.intimacy. You will both come easier.

  • just tell him to pull out when he feels his orgasim comming. that will temporarily hold off the orgasim. every time he feels it comming, have him pull out. or, jack him off or give him head before you have sex (wait a half hour to have sex, approx). the second load always takes longer, hence longer penetration time for you :)

  • Doesn't he know that not finishing is just part of being female?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • the average man only last 2 min and 50 seconds

    • I would definitely need some references to investigate this..and by references, I mean NOT Wikipedia lol

    • look it up

    • Butv only by the first f***. By the next it needs more time and so on.

  • Condoms dull sensation, desensitizing gels

    Does he get hard again quickly because I last a while but give me 8-9mins while I can go down on a girl I get hard again and I last longer but the orgasm isn't as great

    • omg yes! He gets really hard, super quickly. We do use condoms and I don't know if hell be into the gels. Hopefully we could figure this out. Maybe it's me?

    • No, girls always ask this but it's not their fault Some guys just have problems, if he can practice to stay longer and make you come in that time it shoud be okay