He has boring vanilla sex but watches porn?

[BlkR0ses669]

Our sex life is boring and it's dying out super fast. we've only been together for 9 months and I've never had a relationship to where the sex just dies down that quickly. Clearly he told me that he has a porn addiction I guess I don't know...
He may he may not but I'm not really noticing it that much... but what's pissing me off is that he knows what I like and he knows what I want in bed and he doesn't do it. He stopped caring he's lazy and he's selfish in bed and it's pissing me off. He told me when we first started dating that he was a freak and liked to have freaky sex or whatever but I have not seen that at all he tied me up twice and then never did anything again and he knows that I'm into that too.
I've seen messages that were old between his Ex-Wives and he seemed to be very interested in having sex with them but when it comes to me and our relationship he seems to not want to have sex with me and I feel like I'm forcing him to. What do I do? I
m tired of this crappy sex like. He's so boring he told me I don't know what freaky is I'm clearly he was wrong.. it's him that doesn't. I try to spice it up but it doesn't work. I'm hoping he's not cheating because he's starting not to last long with me and it's also annoying.
He's been flaking on me all week to cuddle and watch movies but instead he will just go watch porn it play games and ignore me. He says we will cuddle then ignores me! And we live together!

[Berethor]

Guys are usually have higher libido than girls, but he is more twice your age didn't he? so it's not surprising if you have a higher libido than him, also he waste a lot of energy on porn and likely masturbation too. Why you thought that watching porn would make his any less vanilla? most guys watch porn, and most porn is vanilla. Looks like he lied to you about being freaky, and that's amoral, unless he was talking about his porn addiction when he said that he freaky, but it's unlikely. He got himself a young and attractive girl, one would think that he would be doing more efforts, but nope, and you don't seems to be asking for much, just for him to tie you up, it's not even a hardcore BDSM, and even a vanilla sex is something that he barely do with you. The good news is that he likely not cheating on you, a man with porn addiction is unlikely to cheat, where he would have the energy for both his porn addiction and having sex with other girls? as a girl you don't need to force him, you can try to be more seductive, maybe it would make him have sex with you more often or maybe not, also did you try to check out the porn that he watch? maybe it would help you understand him better, also you can tell him that you want to watch a BDSM porn with him.

[BlkR0ses669]

Yeah well and to be honest for my age I don't really have that high of a sex myself... And I wondered if that was the problem because I can say he initiates more.

[BlkR0ses669]

Sex drive*

[Berethor]

If you don't a high sex drive despite your age then your decision to date a man almost twice your age make more sense than it seems at first, also in your question it looked like you are the one who initiate more, despite being a submissive girl, you even said that you feel like you are forcing him, but it explains why it so easy for him to get away from spousal duties, if you had a high sex drive and/or if you was more dominant then he was not be getting away so easily. If he initiates more then you then where is the problem? it makes it looks like he wants it more despite his porn addiction, but you are the one who is unsatisfied right? but as submissive it's harder for you to talk with him about it, and demand from him to do more efforts. As I said I don't think that he is cheating, you are competing on his attraction with porn not with girls in real life, you can try to be more seductive, it's an indirect way to make him have sex with you more often, it's less forceful. You can try to dress in more sexy clothes, you can act more sexy, and you can even turn yourself on, I mean he is not the only one who is allowed to watch porn and/or masturbate, I don't know if he notice your unhappiness, but if he did then it likely only makes him attracted to you less, so it only makes the situation worse, also while it's true that he use lube because he lazy, the fact that he need to use lube likely makes his intimacy with you less sexy for him too, if you told him that you already wet and there is no need for luby it would made his sex with you look more spontaneous and more sexy. One of the reasons that he choose porn over sex with you is because watching porn is easier, so making sex more different for him is not the solution for that problem. Maybe his ex-wives had higher sex drive than you, was more seductive and was getting wet easily.

[BlkR0ses669]

Good points and helpful advice thanks!

[Berethor]

Glad to help, I hope that my advices would help. :)

[GiventoFly01]

I feel bad because my wife kind of complains about my sex drive. I am just a person that can go without it. I have 2 little G rated turn ons that aren't very wild, but literally nothing else turns me on other than them. After 18 years of being together, they can't stay that interesting

[ret04]

Here is a thought - to a lot of people, vanilla sex isn't boring. So maybe it's not fair of you to call him selfish for not wanting to indulge your fetishes, because not everyone is into that, even if they act like they are. Or maybe he realized he doesn't like it...

Apparently this is important enough that you'd go ranting to total strangers about how you hate your crappy boring sex life. Break up? The age gap isn't going to work in the long run anyway and he knows that too. Dude was 17 when you were born, you are not even remotely on the same page in life.

You can't guilt someone into having sex with you, and why try to? I'm sure there's plenty of young dudes out there who would treat you like a 2 dollar whore every day no questions asked.

[BlkR0ses669]

No he's selfish because he literally told me and his friend that's all he cares about. I quote, " you bring yours I bring mine... I don't care."

[LiamSawyer]

The problem with a porn addiction is that normal regular thing most enjoy is lost as he adventures into the unrealistic world of porn and loses his interest in real normal, pleasureable sex.

[Not-karen]

Past wives. How old is this guy.

[BlkR0ses669]

He's 40 but he ain't a senior citizen lol

[Not-karen]

And you are 23. I’d say move the fuck on.

[BlkR0ses669]

Yeah... I don't know things are okay but. I'm starting to see how everyone my age is now married or divorced also with kids. Uugghhh

[Anonymous]

It sucks when you have a lover who is uninterested and selfish. My ex wasn’t far off from your situation. Sex with him was always the same. No foreplay at all. I sucked him to get him hard. Then it was 2 minutes of missionary position before he would pull out and finish on my stomach. That was it. Talking about it never helped. From experience, if he’s not making the effort anymore and isn’t into you physically, then he’s not likely to change. It’s probably wise to cut your losses and get out while you can.

[DavidFox]

Sad that guys are out there like that. They go their whole lives not understanding how to make love and getting to experience that level of intimacy.

[BlkR0ses669]

@DavidFox he told me he doesn't make love lol.

[DavidFox]

He’s missing out then. With proper seduction and foreplay a woman can be so relaxed and turned on that the sexual experience is explosive. She just keeps going Over the top again and again and it’s incredible to see. Maybe one day he will discover how much passion and intimacy he’s missed out on.