Sexual Relationships
+1 y

He hit me during sex?

We've been friends for awhile and now we're screwing around a bit. He's pretty rough when we're making out before sex, the other night he lightly slapped my face like twice and I didn't say anything because I didn't wanna kill the mood or make him feel embarrassed but last night he hit me... hard. Slapped me right across the face and I didn't say anything. Later in the night I told him I didn't like it and he apologized but I feel bad. Also kinda scared he'll do it again. It hurt pretty bad. He always super rough, I have bite marks on my neck and it's not even pleasurable at this point it just hurts. I don't want to cut out what he's into completely but it's also a little too rough for me. What do I do?
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Most Helpful Girl

  • You tell him.

    You are having sex with him. You never told him he can't do that, you never made it clear that you weren't comfortable when it was light slaps.

    I'm into kind of rough play too, I enjoy when it bites my necks or pulls my hair etc. But he knows I will not be slapped across the face.

    So, while perhaps he could've asked you first "are you comfortable", he did slowly work up to what he did, he didn't just slap you outright, and you never told him along the way. So I think you just need to have a serious conversation. Tell him you've enjoyed things so far, but it has gotten too far for you and you aren't into being hit.

    • @redeyemindtricks May have some good advice in this situation. She gave me a good understanding of rough sex and partners etc.

    • ^^ Co-signed on everything she said. On top of that, let me add -- You're not in a relationship with this guy, so, seriously, fuck the whole idea of trying to "compromise" or "meet in the middle" or "not cut out what he wants completely" or whatever. That sort of thing -- where there's a give-and-take, and each partner is willing to bend a little bit for the benefit or satisfaction of the other -- is what RELATIONSHIPS are all about. As long as this is nothing but friends with benefits, you should still... be polite about it, but you should also be 100.000000 percent selfish about it. Like look dude, I'm ok with X thing, I'm not ok with Y thing, and that's that... and the only reason I didn't say anything last time is because I didn't want to kill the vibe completely. If you are not in a rl with this dude, then you should basically give 0 fucks about what gets him off. If there's no "us", then you should just be in it for YOU. So, politely but firmly, stand up for yrself.

Most Helpful Guys

  • i think you need to be very verbal about what you are ok with and what you are not ok with. i think because he did the light slapping and you said nothing he felt like he could up the ante. i think that he will not do again since you've brought it up. but just make sure you address what you are ok with and what you are not ok with rather than letting anything go, because i think it emboldens him to go further if he isn't told to stop

  • Tell him that if he slaps you again, you're gone. No second chances. I suggest you move on in any case. Some women love to get slapped around. Let him find one of those while you find someone more sexually compatible.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 12

  • You did the right thing by telling him and hopefully he tones it way, way down. If he does it again during sex, I would stop things entirely and you may have to consider that this might not be a compatible pairing.

    • I really enjoy the sex, it's great. He never really does anything too crazy during that... it's just the leading up that things get rough.

  • That sounds pretty bad, and the biting is concerning. though I I'm not one to speak on Biting because I when me and my friend have sex I wind up biting and leaving marks, they like it though.

  • FFS, speak up. Who gives a shit if you embarrass him. Is being beaten the shit out of preferable?

    • Also, I can understand some playful dominance. But I can't understand sex with that kind of violence and aggression. That's just perverse to me. Just my opinion. Like aren't you both supposed to be super relaxed and in-tune during sex? Not on eggshells that you're going to get an almighty whack across the face by a gorilla? Evidently, what the fuck do I know...

  • Tell him to not be so rough. I doubt he'll slap you again, and if he does after you told him that you're not into that, then you should end things cause he doesn't care about you.
    So just tell him what you don't like, and next time see if he changes or stays the same, what you can't do is let him enjoy it while you suffer.

  • Dump him, he won't change his desires, he may not do it again, but he sure will want to.

  • just tell him how you feel about it

  • I don't see how you can be fiddling around in bed with someone and not even be comfortable enough to tell him not to hit you... those are some real low expectations for who you choose to dance with

    • We've been friends for a pretty long time, we've just never crossed the line into sex. Never even really talked about it before until it happened

  • Slap him back, hiiii ya bitch

  • Set boundaries before sex then and tell him he needs to be a little more gentle.

  • He clearly doesn't respect or care about you at all so you should stop seeing him.

  • sometime people like rough sex it is good thing but in limit... u should told him when he did first time... anyway talk to him and bind ur limit about hitting or biting... may be it will hurt him for once but if u won't tell him than it will hurt u everynite

  • Set boundaries before the sex. Write down what you consent to and what you maybe may want to do in the future and write down what you will never do. Make him do the same and go from there. Also have a stop word.

    Doing things like slapping without prior discussion is not ok.

  • Oh does he like BDSM?

    • Yes very much so

    • Omg thats bad

    • Why?

    • Show All

  • You communicate.

    You didn't say anything about the light slaps so he understood that as you being okay or into it. And escalated.

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