He’s not over his ex, should I wait for him?

[Anonymous]

Okay so this is gonna be a bit of a long one, but I like this guy and we get on really well, so here it is. Me and my ex of 3 years broke up 1 month ago. About 3 weeks ago, I was at a flat party with my flatmate where I came across this guy, who I had met over a year ago at another couple parties (we’re in uni). 3 weeks ago we met again, he was 2 months out of a 6 month relationship (they were exclusive for 2 years, but official for 6 months). And we started getting to know each other again, he was a proper sweetheart and gentleman, and we got a bit cozy at the club later that night (didn’t kiss or anything like that). The next morning I messaged him on Instagram and we just really hit it off - he ended up asking me on a date for the following Sunday to which I agreed to. We ended up meeting at a party before the date and everything was fine. We then go on the date, which was great, took me to a restaurant, then went to a bar and ended up back at my place. We made out but didn’t go further than that, because I wasn’t ready, which he respected, and we just had a good time regardless. We messaged very flirtatiously for the next couple days and were getting on great. Anyways last night he came over and we watched Netflix which lead to us making out. Clothes came off and we started having sex. Suddenly he said that he needed the toilet so he went off and got really embarrassed. He came back and we sort of continued but the condom kept coming off so I went to get a new one and by then he said he just wanted to chill. He went awfully quiet so I confronted him. He told me he thought he was over his ex and ready to take the next step but when he got in, it suddenly became very real and he realised it wasn’t fair on me to take it any further. He said later down the line when he’s ready we may rekindle but wants to stay friends for now. Is there any point waiting, or how can I get him to want me?

[PrettyPriya]

First, you can't get someone to want you. He either does or doesn't. You cannot force a relationship or pressure him. That won't turn into anything good. It is up to you whether you wait or not. Is he worth waiting for? That is only something you can answer.

If you really like the guy and think there is a possibility for a longterm relationship, then yes wait for him. If you are unsure, then don't. If you end up meeting someone in the meantime, that is okay.

It is more of a question that only you can answer for yourself. We cannot tell you to wait or not. We don't know the guy or how strongly you feel about him. Also, breaking up (as you know) takes time to get over.

That is what he needs right now. He is obviously not over his ex and needs to get that sorted before jumping into another relationship. He is doing the right thing considering it would not be fair to you if he was half committed instead of all the way.

[Asker]

Yeah you’re completely right. He’s such a sweetheart and a gentleman, hence why I really liked him and genuinely think he’d be worth waiting for - just don’t really know how to catch his attention without seeing him, as he wouldn’t be the one to initiate texting. Would it seem desperate of me to message him in a week or two? Nothing flirtatious, just would rather build a friendly foundation first and see if it goes anywhere, instead of jumping straight into sex. He did mention how he felt like he thought I would be the one to back out and feel frustrated with himself that it something came over him and it turned out to be him that wasn’t ready

[PrettyPriya]

Absolutely nothing wrong with you messaging him in a week or two. Especially if you approach it as friendly and casual. Make sure he knows you respect that he needs some space right now. I think he will come around.

[FireFox001]

I don't even need the details. Just the question is enough to answer: DO. NOT. DO. THAT. TO. YOURSELF!

You are in for a world of hurt, if you do this.

I am in these shoes. And I did everything. And I lost to another dude eventually. Just don't. Bitter people are just toxic.

[boggboss]

It has nothing to do with getting him to want you he is simply not ready to be with someone u can wait if u want or move on thats your choice

[Asker]

Is there any way I can make myself more attractive to him or is it literally just a waiting game?

[boggboss]

Again u being attractive is notnthe issue lol he is not ready for a relationship or dating

[Guy13]

That’s a long wait?

[Asker]

What’s a long wait?

[Guy13]

Two months our a six month relationship is somewhere around 8 months from first contact, right?

[Dargil]

No. Write him off and find somebody else.

[Wise4myage]

No, never wait for anyone, and don't pass up other opportunities if they come along.