Sexual Relationships
2 mo

Here we go again. Asked out by a boy I don't know very well so it’s likely attraction was his incentive— I know I’m not interested in sex—what to do?

I think like this is different than a friend asking me out bc we already know we get along and they kinda know my ambivalence about sex, but w/ someone I don't know too well it’s different. Now I really don’t feel like bringing sex up so I either just say no or go and let him deal with whatever assumptions he has not my probrim.

I know last time you all said just go it’s just a sage but as I say that was a friend this isn’t so I don't know if it’s still an ok thing to do. Ugh it shouldn’t be awkward to just hang out but everyone has sex on some kind of super speed social conveyer belt 😂

It’s ok just go no big deal
Vote A
Better to say no since it’s not gonna go anywhere
Vote B
Say you’re open to hanging out as friends
Vote C
Other
Vote D
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Girl Guy
Updates:
2 mo
One thing I forgot to add, IMPORTANT !! I’ve been sick on and off for several years or I don't know if sick is the right word but physically heavily inconvenienced to incapacitated… my predicament It’s unpredictable and I’ve been having a good streak lately so in general I kind of want to make the most of feeling fairly reasonably OK lol So I’m wanting to take advantage and be social but I also don’t want drama during my “freedom days”
1 4

AI Bot Choice

Superb Opinion

  • You can go just to enjoy some social time. Did he suggest anything like coffee, lunch, dinner, a walk, bowling, ? Or you could suggest something you'd like to do.
    It could be fun.
    If he starts acting amorous, you can simply tell him that you aren't interested in having sex. That's not abnormal. Lots of girls aren't interested in sex for one reason or another. For example, some are waiting for marriage. You don't even have to explain why.
    Most guys will get the message and understand.

    • He said he always thought I was cute since we met a few years ago and he wanted to get to know me earlier but he didn’t have time and then I wasn’t around and now that we are kind of on a similar schedule, he thought we could “get to know each other” but the thing is we’re already friendly so I feel like if we’re already getting to know each other and now he that be wants to get to know me, he must mean in the biblical sense 😂 I know it’s ok to not want something and no one need an explanation but I really hate that awkward moments where one person thinks it’s going to a place and then you have to shut it down, I just hate it 🤢 and it’s not that I don’t feel attraction so he will def feel lol I’m sending mixed messages. I can be attracted without wanting it to progress 🤷🏻‍♀️ like I can appreciate a nice painting without wanting to eat it 😛

    • "I can be attracted without wanting it to progress like I can appreciate a nice painting without wanting to eat it." LOL That's exactly my attitude about enjoying the sight of beautiful women. Anyway, I hear what you're saying. But even though you are already "friendly", maybe he genuinely just wants to get to know you better. I know that I think you are fascinating and that we could probably have some interesting discussions. Here's another thought. It's just a first (one on one) meeting/"date", right? He can't possibly expect anything to happen. So if you get uncomfortable vibes, all you have to say at the end is "I had a nice time" and then not accept any more dates. No explanation necessary. There is no need to overthink it. I mean, saying no to a second meeting is the same as saying no to a first meeting, except if you say no to the first meeting you won't even know if you will enjoy talking to him or not. I'm not advocating one or the other. I'm just thinking out loud. :-)

    • I hear you, but if that painting is made of crayons, maybe it'd be mighty tasty. No... no scratch that... I'm just still hungry. Moving on. There was a time when I had an adamant "no work and play mixing" rule. I had that "it's not that I don't feel attraction" conversation more times than I can count, so I gotcha on the "it sucks" part. Still has to be done though. It's like getting a busted tooth fixed. Is it going to hurt? Yep. Possibly a lot. Beats the alternative though.

Most Helpful Girls

  • If he seems like someone you'd want to spend time with then go for it. It doesn't have to go anywhere. I'm not clear if you're ace or just prefer to take physical relationships more slowly, but either way, part of the point of dating is to learn that kind of thing about one another. If you're really concerned/want to limit the drama you can always tell him your stance/situation in advance. If he doesn't want to go out with you if you don't also want to have sex, then that's that and you've saved yourself from trouble. And if he does? Great. Maybe you'll have fun and make a good connection.

    But just because someone asks doesn't mean you have to go, even if you like them. If you're not interested in dating/relationships rn because of your condition that's completely valid. My anxiety disorder was one of the big reasons I avoided the dating scene for a long time.

  • Say no it'll end up badly, he'll say you leaded him on and saying just as a friend guys don't understand it and think you're just "joking" they never took it seriously and always have hope for more and when it doesn't work they throw a fit.

Most Helpful Guy

  • You're adopting the wrong mindset.

    If sex is off limits to you then there is no discussion to be had about that.

    The real question is: do you think he'd make for some good company.

    Meaning if you like how he speaks and how he presents himself etc... you can have an enjoyable date.

    You don't have to bring up sex but if he does you can let him know it's off limits to you and let him makeup his mind.

    But if you feel he's not worth the couple of hours this will take then let him down easy right now

    • 😂 wrong mind set Game changer power points I like it 😛

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 23

  • Of course he is attracted to you. A guy wouldn't ask out a girl for whom he felt no attraction. But that doesn't mean he expects sex on a first or second date.

    Do you NEVER want to have sex, or are you only wanting to wait until you feel comfortable with a partner?

  • don't have regrets in life. go out, talk to him.. appreciate someone values you, learn what you can learn, be honest with where you are at... and that's that.

    Only thing you may face is not a 2nd date. oh well... I suspect you will feel better paying for your half (so there are no strings), so address that up front if so.

    One day... the shoe may be on the other foot as you become the hunter and the "he" the hunted. ed.

    Enjoy!

  • "everyone has sex on some kind of super speed social conveyer belt 😂 " lol that's awesome!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

    Yes. I'm one of the ones who will say go out with him.

    But, let's make the decision easier: assume the facts: 1. We'll assume as a fact that he wants sex in addition to the date. 2. You aren't interested in sex. If we assume those then the only question is, would you enjoy the pre-sexual date with this guy? Dinner, bowling, coffee shop whatever. Focus on that answer regardless of the other things. If yes, then go. You stick to your no sex and he can be him. If not (if you don't really want the date anyway, then don't go.

  • Just let him know early you're asexual, then the ball is in his court. Doesn't matter if you self-identify as somehting else, that's close enough and he'll know what that means. Don't make it complicated for him.

    • That’s fair Bc I vent say I’m waiting for marriage or waiting for serious commitment bc who knows if that’s true plus I’m not looking for a relationship so there’s no way to explain but your way is good 😊

  • Tell him that you aren't interested in an intimate relationship. Then he can decide if he wants to spend time with you or not.

  • I agree attraction is the incentive for initiating but he also may not ask for sex anytime soon or at all!

    Maybe he's thinking "wow she's cute i wanna get to know her and maybe we can become friends and fall in love then date and get married eventually then have sex"

    or maybe he's thinking "wow she's so hot i want sex right now i hope she gives me sex ASAP that's all i want" ahaha I don't know!!!

    • 😂 My guess is somewhere in between and that’s where it’ll get awkward 😬 eventually if we get along that is

  • It sounds like you don't want to go, so just don't.

    • Yeah probably if I did I wouldn’t he worrying about it.

  • you turned me down. he'll be okay

    • 😂 lies 😛

  • Well he asked you out because he finds you attractive so clearly he wants to get to know you and more than likely he has sex on his mind or he wouldn’t of asked you out , so if you don’t want sex and don’t want to go in that direction with him your best bet is just to say Thank you for asking but sorry I am not interested. And leave it at that

  • Attraction as an incentive is not necessarily the same as an expectation of imminent sex. Perhaps this fellow just finds you beautiful and interesting and wants to get to know you better to see if the two of you might be a good match. I think if you’re open to a relationship and like this guy, there is no problem with going on the date to see what his intentions are. If he’s compatible with you he’s not going to try to steer you into bed. If he’s not, you can simply tell him the two of you are not compatible. This is pretty straightforward.

  • It is all awkward now. Maybe say Yes I'd love to get to know you.

    I think the critical question is whether you are open to a relationship or not at this time.

    • I’m definitely not looking for a relationship but I don’t think asking someone out means that it’s just maybe if I really wanted to hang out I would not be worrying about leading him on I don't know

    • No asking someone out doesn't mean anything other than spending some time with the person. It doesn't mean sex ensues or a relationship ensues. There has always been a degree of 'strategic ambiguity' with a guy asking a girl out. More the point in me asking if you were looking for a relationship was that if you were then necessarily you have to give guys a chance. Given you aren't interested in relationship or sex there isn't much in it for you other than a night out but I have seen your update on your freedom days. So I think go out and enjoy a pleasant evening. I think all a date really entails is that too people get to know each other a little and it is not leading him on to accept.

  • No offense, I would just say no since it won't go anywhere, also follow what your heart tells you :-) ;-)

  • If your not interested in sex or a relationship then just be honest about that. Tell him the truth just you know don't be a dick about it.

    Sure he'll be bummed out but he'll later down the line probably learn to appreciate the fact that you didn't toy with him and string him along. That's how I look at it at least.

  • If you want to go out, just do it. Nowhere is it written that you have to have sex on the first date Vivant. See if you have fun. Also at SOME point you ought to get over your fear and give sex a try! You might like it! ;) But yeah--you don't have to do it on the first date.

  • You could go as a way to get to know him?

  • Hang out with him and enjoy yourself. It's okay to have fun. Not everything will automatically lead to sex.

  • Just tell him up front that you are not interested in sex with him at this time so he will not be mislead. Maybe he is ok with that?

  • Just because you're attracted to someone doesn't mean you have to have sex with them. You could just look at them. Lol

    • "or go and let him deal with whatever assumptions he has not my probrim." I completely 100% agree! It's NOT your problem. 👍

    • Sex on the conveyor belt lol. I know what you mean. It's insane.

    • And just because you're sick that doesn't mean you don't deserve love. 💜

    • Show All

  • Would you be friends and set him up with a girlfriend that might want to have her way with him?

  • If you know he likes you and wants to fuck. Tell him you don't want to hang out. Guys don't do "girlfriends" too often. Almost every girl a guy hangs out with, he wants to fuck or already has some something with her. Not true in ALL cases but most. Don't waste his time or yours.

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Home >  Sexual Relationships  > Here we go again. Asked out by a boy I don't know very well so it’s likely attraction was his incentive— I know I’m not interested in sex—what to do?