Hesitation Leads To Masturbation

[VictorMachiavelli]

I often see guys here asking multiple questions about whether a girl they like also likes them back. They're usually waiting for an obvious sign before showing interest, afraid of rejection or asking at the wrong time.

There are a few issues with this approach:

1) Women rarely give obvious signs, since they also fear rejection and tend to hint indirectly. Even if she likes you, she likely won't provide a clear green light unless very confident.

2) Some women seem interested but are just friendly. Others are reserved even if they do like you. The only way to know for sure is to take the risk and ask.

3) There is no perfect time. After talking for weeks or months, you think more "work" is needed before she'll say yes. But she already has a good idea by now whether she sees you that way. Waiting longer can actually hurt your chances for a few reasons.

4) The longer you stay platonic friends, the more you become stuck in the friend zone. Things might have been different had you asked her out earlier, before that friendship solidified. She then would have had less to lose dating you.

5) In today's dating scene, a woman's feelings can shift quickly with so many options. She might like you now but assume you're not interested when you don't make a move. Then another guy , who isn’t messing around, asks her out first and becomes her focus since they're actually dating.

6) A lot of you guys seem to be imagining a connection that doesn't really exist with a crush. For example, I recently answered a question from a guy who said a girl asked his opinion about whether some other guy was right for her. He wondered if this meant her feelings for him were now less than before. But it's clear she sees him only as a friend - she wanted a male perspective and had no clue he was even interested. Yet somehow, he thought that there was something there before this point. Until you actually start dating, it's only happening in your head.

All this agonizing over perfect timing is a waste of time. If you want anything to happen, make your move instead of trying to mind-read and analyzing every little interaction to death.

[sawno]

Good advice, learnt this the hard way in the past. Ill add that women LOVE the safety to make a move towards to you emotionally. So showing intent to date / end up together shows her its safe to put her feelings towards you. Without that she will stay reserved and eventually close herself off.

[Inbox]

Most points I'd agree with here, but for #3 and in small part #6, I do not. You're not putting context into consideration and it may be because you're focusing more on "just make a move" vs other angles. For example, when you are meeting women, is it in a closed or open environment?

A closed would be a fixed location that you will see her again (social circles, classrooms/school, workplace (I'd stay away from workplaces though)) and an open one would be in public such as a lounge, grocery store, mall, park, etc. For obvious reasons, in a open environment you should make a move after 5 - 10 mins of meeting her. For a closed one, it heavily depends on context (you should still try to move things forward quickly, but there are benefits to... letting the plant grow some more).

Regarding the statement of "until you actually start dating, its only happening in your head," is that connections can be mutual, but it's not necessary in your head, rather a lack of experience if you're misinterpreting. It's more likely that the guy or girl screwed up during the process (through the approach, texting, on the dates themselves, etc) that led to things ending assuming there was a mutual connection OR an external event intervened (ex came back, found out something about you, etc).

[VictorMachiavelli]

Yeah I didn’t want to make it too long by explaining the differences between different situations. You’re right about closed vs open environments, it’s better to take your time a little bit in closed environments, but still the idea is still the same - don’t wait too long. This take is more for inexperienced guys, based on the questions I see them ask here a lot. Reminds me of the way I was in high school. When you’ve been with enough women you can usually tell, but inexperienced guys misinterpret women’s behaviour or signals a lot. You mention that someone might have screwed up during the process such as on the dates themselves - these guys aren’t going on dates, they’re not asking anybody out.

[DreamCrescent]

well said, friend

[Tamera952]

What the fuck are you even talking about? Hesitation? What?

[Exterminatore]

I somewhat disagree. Women do give clear signs if they’re interested for the most part. When they’re not interested they give the guy the run around. Being objective is required for guys to clear the mystery up.


Many guys do fear rejection. I agree there. I think that’s lame. Who really cares if some girl shuts it down? There are like 4 billion of them on the planet. It’s easy enough to find another. No one has a perfect batting average in the dating game.

[VictorMachiavelli]

Yeah, I’m talking mainly to the types of guys who over-analyse and misinterpret everything. They’ll write posts where a girl is giving clear signs of interest, they could just ask her out and she’d most likely say yes, but they’re still unsure. Or a girl is being friendly but isn’t showing any signs that she’s interested in that way, and that’s why the guy hasn’t asked them out yet, but somehow they think something’s happening. What’s clear to other guys is unclear to them - and for these guys their main problem is just their fear of rejection stopping them from ever making a move. I think these guys also get fixated on one girl, and their lack of experience/lack of options causes this. Like they think if things don’t go right with this one girl it’s the end of the world. As I said elsewhere reminds me of myself in high-school.

[Exterminatore]

I fully agree with all that. I see a lot of those “is she into me” questions on here. A lot of guys are really oblivious when it comes to this stuff. Things are so different for these younger guys. Many of them never meet girls or date them or ever get laid. It’s not uncommon to find guys who are 25+ now and are still virgins. It’s actually quite shocking.

[Alex-Snow]

Interesting but as u know all young guys masturbate frequently anyway.. but most will never admit it

[VictorMachiavelli]

Sure, but you’d rather get laid.

[Alex-Snow]

Of course!

[Anonymous]

Yep this is nothing new