How bad are these red flags?

[RandomAnonPerson132]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 months now…when we first became a “thing” and decide to commit to eachother, I went on his phone and found texts to a girl planning to cheat on me with her…he blocked her after I confronted him and hasn’t spoke to her since

A couple months after that I found a pair of his recent ex’s underwear that he’d kept (he’s got a panty fetish) I destroyed them and he apologized

Another couple months went by, I was at his place for the week and went through his phone…that morning (while I was asleep) he saved a photo of his ex and her sister that he jerked off to in the next room. He made up loads of lies about why but eventually I got the truth out of him

About a month ago he switched rooms and found a pair of undies that he kept, he refused to tell me who they belonged to but turns out they were his old roommates from years ago. He said he found them when moving things around, and didn’t think to throw them out…

He constantly searches up his ex’s on Twitter/Instagram, there might be no bad intentions with that but considering the other stuff it scares me, but I’ll never really know why he does it…
This has all made me really distant, but it’s confusing because inbetween these things he’s the best boyfriend I could ever ask for, I have no idea what to do, any opinions or advice would be amazing

[Markm3212]

i would personally call it a day on this relationship. its for a few reasons
- you seem to be checking up on him a lot, going through his phone etc. now thats fine if he has agreed, but i am guessing that something happened to you in the past that has made you not trust men quite so much, which is fine, but in that case you need to find a guy that you do trust and does not throw red flags up all the time. its only going to make your paranoia worse.
- he seems to have a panty fetish and he dosent seem to care where they come from, something your not happy about. another girl may not worry as he's just jerking off to them. different people have different things.
- he doesn't seem to be able to open up to you honestly and tell you everything, now i know that, that comes with time and experience but, some people are like open books and some are closed, you seem to want an open book kind of guy and he isn't.
- your young and if your getting red flags already in what should be the honey moon period of your relationship, i would say move on and find the right guy for you. all the time you stay with him, people are passing you by and that may also be the Mr right you are looking for. dont accept second best, find mr right, before someone else does as you have stayed with him.
- if he is searching up ex's on twitter and spanking one off over them again not a sign that he is committed to you and only makes you want to check on him more and make him hide stuff more. its a vicious circle

[RobT312]

Sounds like there is a panty fetish he doesn’t want to stop.
either you need to embrace it and accept it, or he will continue to hide stuff. It’s human nature to do that when someone gets mad about your habit.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he has trouble letting go of his sexual past and isn’t fully committing to you. The fact that this stuff is still going on 8 months into the relationship should tell you he’s not going to change. Definite red flags. You deserve better. Move on.

[Koneko911]

I mean at this point he might as well cheat. You've all but basically told him he can... like why the fuck are you still with him? It make no sense

[RandomAnonPerson132]

Honestly, I’m used to much worse so I’m not really sure what’s breakup worthy anymore First boyfriend cheated on and abused me Second one cheated on me almost nightly and turned out to also be a pedo Last one was your typical dickhead alcoholic. I’m one of those people that sticks around hoping things like that won’t happen again, it’s a hard loop to get out of especially when all of these things have been months apart, and since he never physically cheated I’ve got no clue if it’s even worthy of breaking up ~ hence why I posted here

[Koneko911]

At some point you need to look at why you keep dating dudes like that. Cause it's not just a bad luck thing. You're looking for men like that

[RandomAnonPerson132]

Eh you’re definitely right, it’s weird though because they always started off really great for the first year or so, so I’m already super attached by the time they hurt me There’s deff some psychology shit behind it, thankyou tho for answering, I think getting other people perspectives will help lead me on a better path

[Loth2770]

I would leave him. He has shown himself to be untrustworthy and lacking in self-control. There are better men than him to date.

[mark000h]

Really bad signs.

[nisnaia]

Some of them are not too bad of red flags but others are major red flag.
All of them combined I would not want to stay with him.

[driven159]

Big red flag waving everywhere pretty simple use your head not your heart