Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
For the most part (I stress "for the most part"), we've been together ever since.
We both come from unusual families, my husband and I. He was raised without a father, living with his mother and aunt. They drilled into him since he was a young boy that sex before marriage was bad, mainly because they didn't want him to get some teenage girl pregnant. Meanwhile I grew up without a mother, raised by my grandparents with visits from my dad each month, although those visits were less and less frequent when I turned 14. They were old school and strict, so obviously their idea of sex before marriage was also NO. So as our relationship moved from casual dating into serious relationship , the subject of sex came up, only to hit the brick wall of "I was raised to wait." We didn't WANT to wait , it felt right for BOTH of us. But it's seriously difficult to de-condition yourself from a lifetime of doctrine.
But we talked about it constantly. Instead of engaging in sexual relations we would take it only so far then TALK about what we wanted to do to each other. It was like phone sex except we were both semi-naked and lying next to each other. I could not wait until my wedding night when he would just use me like a blow up doll (sometimes when your that horny you think stupid things). Sex was so much on my mind that I woke up horny, went to school horny, went to sleep horny, and repeated the process. Masturbation took the edge off but didn't satisfy the hunger. I needed HIM!
We became engaged and I saw light at the end of the tunnel - spend the rest of my life with the man of my dreams AND I get to sleep with him too? But then my husband had an offer to play for a semi-pro team out of town . He asked me if I would be okay with it. I genuinely was touched he wanted my approval and said yes without hesitating. It would be for five months and I could handle the wedding plans while he was gone.
During that time I took a graduate class on "The History of Women". It was needed for my masters. I found out quickly I was about the only woman in the class who wasn't a lesbian. Which was fine, I had a bridesmaid who is a lesbian, except these were the angry I hate the world lesbians , the ones who get up in your face and say "what's your problem?" when you ask them their favorite type of coffee. It was a bit intimidating , a slice of the world I'd never been exposed to in my comfy dorm. But a few classes in I met a woman who helped put me at ease. Her name was Tina, which was not her real name. Tina was in her early forties and a professional, attractive, and polite, sweet even. I was drawn to her instantly as she was with me.
We would talk about the class, pop culture, world views, just about everything. Suddenly one time after class she asked me to grab a cup of coffee with her. I said yes, why wouldn't I? I really enjoyed her company! At coffee she spoke a lot about my fiancée, how hard it must be to have him gone , those types of things. I confided in her about a lot of my pent up feelings and it felt so amazing to let them out . I know I let out too much but I didn't care it made me feel free.
I always remember this. As I spoke about how easy it was to communicate to her (yes I told her this) she smiled and began reapplying her lipstick. She took out her phone as a mirror to freshen her makeup. She tussled her hair then cut me off mid-sentence and asked me to join her back at her apartment. I said sure. Looking back I think part of me knew what was coming but I still wasn't prepared.
She asked me to spend the night and I did. And so began a relationship in secret with Tina, for three months making love to her without my fiancée knowledge. She showed me things about my body I didn't know, gave me pleasures I didn't think possible. I enjoyed every minute I was with her.
Then my fiancé called. He'd been let go from his team and was on the way home. Like, NOW. I was devastated for him but also worried about what I was going to do. Tina said I had to make a choice , her or him, I couldn't have both. I didn't like that option but it was the truth. I picked him. I loved him and still love him more than anything so I told her this has to end. Tina didn't take it well. She also doesn't say goodbye easily.
I knew I had to tell my fiancée about Tina but when he was down about his soccer dreams bursting I didn't think it was the right time. Then I lost my nerve. Then after months of not hearing from Tina I figured it was over and time to move on.
Flash forward two years: happily married and I mean happily. Can't be more in love with that boy. Newly moved into a downtown loft apartment with great view. Sex life is off the charts and he really enjoys pleasing me which is great because I really enjoy pleasing him.
I remember the date. April 12, 2013. It was unseasonably warm for our state and I wore a checkered dress with heels. My husband job had him working a split shift on Friday and Saturday once a month so this was his early Friday. I left work early myself (pretended to be sick lousy employee I know I just wanted my man). I envisioned opening a bottle of wine, pouring a glass, then letting him undress me and spending the rest of the day and night in bed. These were my actual thoughts. I remember all of that so well.
Everything changed when I opened the door.
I saw my husband seated on the recliner in the middle of the game room. He was glued to the TV, so naturally my eyes look to see what is on.
It's me, naked, with Tina between my thighs.
I felt like my whole body went numb. I felt like my blood was replaced with ice water. I was frozen in place and could not move. All I could do is stand motionless as my husband and I watched a woman perform oral sex on me.
I had forgotten Tina made a tape of us one night. She played it back to show me how sexy I was during love making. She said she'd delete it. Apparently she didn't. And just how did Tina find me at my new address and why after two plus years did she send it now? I still don't have those answers after all this time.
My husband realized I was in the room and glanced at me. There were tears in his eyes. I've always heard men thought two women together was hot, but he didn't look like he found it hot. I tried to say the usual: honey I can explain, it's not what it looks like, the usual lies you tell when you are caught in one. He exploded. Just blew up.
Why didn't you tell me? When did it happen? Where? How was it? Is she better in bed? Do I still want her? Finally he calmed down but said It was all too much, too raw, for him too take. He left, and I didn't hear from him for days. Days of lying in my pajamas crying my eyes out until my sides hurt. Finally he called to say he was moving out. I begged him, yes I begged him not to, to give me another chance. Then he said the one thing I'll hear in my nightmares. "Why would I give you another chance? You've already hurt me more than anyone alive."
For six months we were separated, and I kept waiting for the divorce papers that never came. One day he came by to pick up some tools he left and stayed , sitting down to talk. It was the first time we talked since that night. We both admitted we were still crazy about each other and wanted to make it work. We agreed to counseling. We agreed to start over. We agreed no more secrets. I thought we'd jump into bed to celebrate but instead I got a smile as he walked out.
We went through counseling for another six months, where so much came out about him I had no idea. Meanwhile we started dating again, starting over at date 1. We didn't sleep together until three months down the road. He moved back in a month later, and two months later we renewed our vows. We've been married for almost three years since then. My second attempt with him. I'm hopeful this time will be better than the first. It's starting out pretty damn good.
What Girls & Guys Said
41 73I'm sorry but I have absolutely no sympathy for you. Cheating is a conscious decision, with knowledge of the consequences and emotional damage you are causing to the other person. He deserves so much better and I'm so sorry that he stayed with your miserable, cheating, "victim-playing" self.
Exactly.. Inserted of talking responsibilities for her action she is playing the victim..
Your bisexuality is not to blame here. I and many other bisexuals would not do what you did. Do not use your sexuality as an excuse for cheating on your partner in order to avoid responsibility.
Well said and thank you for helping us see a man as a good one. We know he isn't perfect, but you made him that way, right? I wonder a few things:
* why didnt' you have boundaries at the door with the woman? Would you have them now?
* Do you think your childhood upbringing (I'll call them parental wounds) mis guided you, and or hubby?
:( that was really sad
I do feel for your husband
I... dk how people recover from that. Really
Sounds like you being a cheater is what almost ruined your relationship, not you being bisexual.
Yea you could blame it one being bisexual... BUT really its because you cheated and kept it a secret. Noone likes lier.
wow so much hate.
i think its better that it happened to you now rather than later on. being bisexual didn't destroy your relationship/marriage at all. exactly what you said almost destroyed it, the fact that you learnt something about yourself quite early should be a blessing if you look at it from that angle.
and exactly what someone else said, your ex lover is a bitter twat and wanted to destroy your marriage.. love isn't about you, its about the other person. she spat her dummy out and you're better off without her. i think you made the right choice in terms of who you chose. im glad its working out.
Would you mind looking at my latest question?
@Bluemax what questions that mate?
you being bisexual didn't ruin anything. You cheated on your husband and it wouldn't have mattered if it were with a man or a woman. I understand you might not have meant it like that, but that's exactly what the title says. Like you're blaming it on how your mind is wired instead of you making a shitty decision.
I know when they promote your my take they mess with your title so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt there but just realize that it looks bad.
Great writing for this myTake. I won't talk about what you did since you already know you're wrong but I have to say you are lucky to have a forgiving husband. I know I would've left and had the divorce papers sent the following week. It takes two to tango and Tina is f'n ruthless. I think willing partners in a affair are slightly worse because if they weren't so willing to open their legs or mouth to the person then it could not happen. What made it worse for you was that it wasn't a one time slip up but continuously occurred until you snapped back to reality when your fiance called you to announce his return.
You didn't cheat because you were bisexual. You cheated because you couldn't keep it your pants.
If I was bisexual and read this Take, I'd be pretty pissed that someone played the victim card and acted like my sexual orientation was a burden.
You cheated, and it has nothing to do with your sexuality.
Your title is misleading. Bisexuality didn't almost ruin things.
That being said, I hope things work out for you and yours.
The fact that you can't take responsibility for the fact that you cheated on him and tried to blame it all on being bisexual... like you simply had no choice in the matter, just shows me you learned nothing from this.
Agreed. Bisexuality didn't run her marriage, SHE did.
Being bisexual isn't the issue here.
And you know it, but just don't want to admit it.
As for all the peope blaming Tina:
Really? in my opinion, Tina isn't the bitch here. The asker is the one to blame for everything. She is not only a lying, conniving, disloyal cheater, but she has the nerve to play the victim AND blame her unfaithfullness on bisexuality. If anyone is the "bitch" - its her.
Tina may have been a knowing and willing homewrecker, but being a homewrecker is still nowhere near as bad as cheating. Also, you don't know Tina's motivation for sending the tape. Sure, it could've been for revenge - but she also could have sent it because she felt bad for the asker's husband all these years, and wanted him to know the truth. If it wasn't for Tina, the asker's husband would likely still be completely oblivious.
But i don't have much sympathy for her husband either. In my opinion, anyone who forgives, or God forbid GETS BACK with a cheater is a spineless wimp, with no self respect. Its people like him that send out the message "cheating is forgivable". Every time a story like this is told, there are at least a few people in the audience who et encouraged to cheat THEMSELVES, because they get taught to expect forgiveness. No cheater deserves forgiveness.
Of all the characters in this story, Tina is the one i harbor the least hate for.
"Its people like him that send out the message "cheating is forgivable"." What if the balance tipped the other way and you were only a small portion of the population to think the way you do and the rest really had no problem with cheating. Would you still try to impose your ideas on the whole population? Would you still be so sanctimonious?
OK I've been given a shit load of grief and I deserve it all but lay off my husband asshole. He had nothing to do with this. I thank God everyday he took me back and you want to say he's less of a man for doing it? How dare you judge him when you don't know him!!! You don't know his story his life !!! You want to sit up in a glass tower pretending you don't make mistakes live in your little illusions you moron but in the real world there is pain and suffering! He is a good and kind and generous and loving and sexy and wonderful man so get your claws out of him! He is off limits!!!
Thanks for inspiring my next question.
@JuicyBrain Who said I'm "imposing" anything? I'm stating my opinion. In fact "imo" was in the SECOND SENTENCE of my comment. Just because my beliefs happen to align with the majority of people doesn't automatically make me a preacher. Next time read more carefully.
Had nothing to do with this you say? He was the one who got CHEATED ON. I'm pretty sure this concerns him. Just sayin. And if you cared about him as much as you claim to, you would've left him, knowing he deserves better than you - rather than begging him to take you back.
I disagree. Tina is a ruthless bitch. Tina could see the OP could be easily manipulated. After all the OP shared everything with her. Then the fact the OP recorded and never deleted the tapes exposes more of her trues nature. No doubt the husband deserved to know because I don't support cheating in any form. But let's not act like Tina did this out of the kindness of her heart. I don't hate anyone in the story but Tina is a ruthless bitch. The OP is horrible for what she did but kudos for writing this. And you should lay off the husband. He's the victim and he chose to forgive her. Hopefully it was the right choice for him and her.
@SilenRose Well then, i guess you have your opinion. My opinion on the other hand is that choosing to forgive a cheater is never the right decision.
@SilenRose no, he shouldn't lay off the husband. He's the only true victim here, but he's also an idiot, a wimp, and not a real man. He deserves no respect for taking a cheating bisexual woman back. You just know she's going to cheat on him again, it's in her nature as a bi woman. Tina may be a bitch, but showing the tape was a good thing, as the husband needed to see what a dirty skanky slut the my take owner is. What if the tape never existed? Then she NEVER would have confessed on her own, and the husband never would have known. At least now he knows what kind of slut his wife is.
Well actually the husband should be, Tina knew the writer was engaged to him, and the writer wasn't thinking of him when she was moaning tinas name. Tina is in the wrong but the mytake owner is even more so. Tina would be innocent if she didn't know.
I didn't read the entire take, I'm going to be honest. What ticks me off is some of the ruthless comments. I hope that you don't read too much into them. I mean, from the little that I did read, I could always say "well you were wrong", but that's extremely cliche. I'm sure you know deep down that you were wrong... however, I'm a firm believer in second chances. Learn your lesson and move forward. Do not play victim, it gets you nowhere actually.
Perhaps if you had read the whole take, you would understand the comments. Or maybe not. But as you said "Do not play victim", but that is really what she was doing. I did not see an opinion that she did not deserve.
@Red_Arrow well maybe I'm different. It's not my life or a loved one for me to have such a huge opinion about it. I just felt repulsed by a few particular comments wishing her horrible fate, which I personally feel is going a bit too far. Not denying anything. Of course it was wrong.
I saw many comments telling her that she was wrong. I saw many telling her that she brought on her own problems. I did not see any wishing her harm. "Get over it. " "Jealousy, insecurity and control are the only reasons for such a relationship." "Hopefully you learn from your mistake" Those are representative of the responses I see here.
@Red_Arrow there was a few that I came across yesterday but they must have gotten deleted.
Maybe you could check out my latest question?
The reason the comments are so nasty/angry is because a small number of people are taking this mytake to justify their cruel view that bisexual people are inherently unfaithful scum, and a larger group of people are taking offense at the fact that she seems to be blaming her sexual orientation for the fact that she was unfaithful, as if she had no control over whether she cheated or not. I am all for forgiveness, when it is earned and deserved, but you can not forgive a person who refuses to even acknowledge they did anything wrong. If her mytake was "I cheated and it nearly ruined my life," you would see... still many angry comments, but many more sympathetic comments (because what that woman Tina did was vile). But that isn't what she did. She used the very title of her piece to remove all blame from herself, and put it on bisexuality, and that is dishonest, and pathetic, for her, and slander to bisexual people in general.
@ksoma that is true. Thanks
Maybe now all the women who got butthurt about why I don't find bi's and lesbians hot in my Take can understand why. Hmmmmmmm.
I haven't read your myTake but I don't date men who have been with other men as well.
Sorry but this had nothing to do with her being a bi or a lesbian! She is neither if all she had was a one time affair with a woman! This had to do with the fact that a PERSON CHEATED, not that she cheated with a woman... It could have just as easily been with a man.
@kat_gran She's bi... pretty certain there. Besides the fact that it was a three month "one time" affair anyways, you don't even need to have done anything with a girl to be bi. You just need to also like girls in addition to guys. You're right about the rest though.
I'm sorry, but it wasn't yourt bisexuality that almost ruined your life, it was circumstances and at times, poor decision making, which we all do at times.
Being bisexual wasn't the problem. Being a horrible person who cheats and makes excuses for cheating is the problem.
Thanks for inspiring my next question.
This is why I'd never knowingly get involved with a bisexual woman.
How is it worse than her cheating with a guy?
@JuicyBrain because of the message that she sent: she' basically said that because he was only a man, he couldn't satisfy all her desires. Not only did she betray him, not only did she break his heat, she damaged his pride.
@Sabretooth She said absolutely nothing of the sort. She cheated on him because she was horny and he was too much of a pussy to take her. It has nothing to do with him being a man.