How can I be good sexually?

I have only had a loving relationship, with who was my boyfriend in college. I was a virgin back then and "had" my first experience with him. he already had enough sexual experience (according to what he told me at least 10-15 girls), when the time came for me it was incredibly painful, so much so that we never got past penetration (he literally cried when he moved and he just got out of me). the relationship ended and he commented that one of the reasons was "that we had never really had sex." I really tried but it was painful, now years later I have noticed that it scares me to reach that point with another man because I don't know if I will be able to please him or if there is something wrong with me that prevents me from enjoying myself. I know I need to be emotionally attached to be sexually attracted but I was wondering how I could tell a guy this without scaring him off or seeming a little weird.
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Superb Opinion

  • Well I think you’re asking more for advice on how to tell a guy about this issue rather than what the previous people offered which was advice on what to do to make sex easier, so let me give answering your actual question a try.


    I would try my hardest to not worry too much about it. I’d try to do this; instead of trying to explain to him how you’re scared because of what happened last time and what not, maybe try telling him that you don’t have a ton of experience, and penetrative sex has been hard for you in the past, but you also want to have it (if you do) badly with him. Then say that instead of just jumping into straight piv sex you were hoping he wouldn’t mind if you two spent a little while (this can be days or weeks or whatever you choose) working on getting to learn to know each other’s bodies in other ways. Tell him you’d like to use your hands and mouth to make him feel good and you’d love for him to do the same for you, and also throw in there that you want him to help you to learn to take more and more inside you. Let him start with a finger once you’re super turned on and gradually increase from there. When you can comfortably take 3 or even 4 of those at once maybe ask him if he wants to go to a sex shop with you and get a small dildo for him to use on you. Once you have been able to handle that without issue maybe then let him have sex with you. If you reframe it as a fun sexual adventure for both of you rather than a problem you have, I guarantee he will not only not mind, he will love the whole experience.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't be afraid to use lubricants, be sure to relax, take your time getting in the mood, and for the love of god; participate in the sex. Grind your hips into him, moan, make it seem like you enjoy being there.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Lots of practice and self confidence.

  • practice and more practice.