How can I be satisfied with my sex life within my marriage?

[Anonymous]

I will preface by saying that divorce and an open relationship is off the table.

Let me just say the I love my husband and am attracted to him. We get along great and make a great team. We never fight and are usually easily able to resolve any issues we have.. except this one.

I am satisfied in every other aspect of our relationship apart from our sex life. I like enjoying sex and want to have sex that I am able to physically enjoy but for some reason I am almost always unable to get aroused. We still have sex and have it pretty often but most of the time i don’t physically enjoy it, I don’t find it pleasurable because I can’t get physically aroused. Most of the time vaginal penetration is uncomfortable at best and painful at worst. I can’t remember the last time I climaxed while having sex with him and it sucks.

I’ve seen a few doctors the tell me that there is nothing physically wrong with me. All my hormones and blood levels are normal. I have talked to a couple of counselors about it but I haven’t seen a sex Therapist because I can afford one.

[Andres77]

I don't have much experience with antidepressants. The military doctors tried pushing those on me... I researched them on my own and found the "suicidal thoughts" side effect and told the doctor I wasn't going to take them and they couldn't make me. He said he couldn't help me.
I rearranged my life. Priorities and routines and things got better. That was just where I was at the time. I was resistant to needing medication for the rest of my life just to function. Diet and herbal supplements and exercise and pkaces I'd go in my head... I had to take control of my thoughts. I've been working on positive thoughts for years now. For me it helped.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/2glUblzp2rA

The video is only 5 minutes.
Please consider this.
I didn't know you got married because you were pregnant (3 months).
Do you cum okay from other stimulation besides penetration?
So the possible "cuckqueen" idea was for him? Are you worried that if you don't do something he'll go cheat?
Are you still intrigued by "edge-play" or was that grasping for ideas?
Does your husband go down on you? Is that pleasurable?
Are you not cumming at all during coitus?
Are you not getting wet during coitus?
Is there ANY porn that turns you on?

You've been posting about this for weeks.
I'm frustrated for you. There has to be a solution. DM me if any answers here you don't want public.

[Asker]

Yes the cuckquean idea was mostly for him. I am interested in edge play and certain aspects of bdsm because I am a masochist. I’m not so much worried about him cheating as much as that I do love him I want to please him. No I do not climax or self lubricate during coitus. Porn in some cases can be arousing but it’s not usually something that I like to watch, though I will occasionally.

[Andres77]

Is there any way where you climax?

[Asker]

Through clitoral stimulation, it’s easier on my own

[Andres77]

Is he any good at oral?

[Asker]

I don’t like oral

[Andres77]

From anyone ever or just your husband?

[Asker]

He’s the only one who has tried

[Andres77]

Maybe if he practiced? I LOVE giving oral. My wife LOVES getting it. That alone is over 50% of our sex life. Her pleasure is my priority. I love to make her cum. Without watching you guys going at it... I don't know what else to tell you... and that's never going to happen.

[Asker]

I’m happy for you

[Andres77]

I really like your greek goddess dress, by the way.

[Jamie05rhs]

Hmm. Yeah- dang; affordability is a tough issue.

Could you maybe try to find free articles and videos online that were made by sex therapists promoting their work? I know it wouldn't be one-on-one and personalized, but you still might learn some helpful tips.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks for the MHO.

[ludorock]

Hey there Anony, that's a really tough spot, and I'm sorry that you're going through it. I went through something similar (but only for a few months) when I first started on my antidepressants. I can understand what you're going through, and it really sucks.

There's a lot of things to try, but everyone is different and the list is too long to include here, but I can tell you what we each did that helped us, and maybe that will help you, but first it'd help to know specifically where you feel you're getting stuck.

Is it that touching feels good but you can't get turned on for some reason? Is it that all the usual things just don't feel good any more? Do you feel a disconnect with your partner that's causing some tension or inability to get turned on? Has any trauma surfaced recently, or happened recently? Have you been able to masturbate/please yourself on your own? Has it always been this way, or is this new? How new? What did you notice as the first signs?

[joeldalton]

Can you masturbate and enjoy the experience? Do you get aroused ever?

[Asker]

Yes I can but even then I don’t enjoy penetration, but I still don’t get aroused

[joeldalton]

Do you have any sexual trauma in your past? Have you ever been aroused, sexually?

[Asker]

I was molested long time ago back when I was like 7 or 8. And yes I used to be able to before I had my son, but for the past 4 and a half years I’ve only been able to actually get aroused a handful of times

[joeldalton]

Keep in mind, I'm not trained in any way, and I don't know you. With that being said, is it possible you feel like you are now a mommy and not a sexual being anymore? Some women get into this space in their head where they close that chapter. Can you find a sitter for your son overnight and focus on your sexuality? Have a nice dinner with your husband, dress like you would going out on a hot date or to a club where you know you want to hook up. Flirt with him, take a bath together, have some wine but not too much, watch porn or an erotic movie, have him give you a lot of foreplay. It's critical you communicate all this with him beforehand so he knows the expectations. See if that helps.

[Asker]

We have already done all of that, and the thing is that I still very much have a sex drive, I just can’t get turned on

[joeldalton]

If it’s not physical, it’s likely mental. Why do you think you’ve changed?

[Asker]

I don’t know. I’ve been through a lot in the past 6 years. It just got significantly worse after I had our son

[joeldalton]

A lot with him? Or outside of your relationship?

[Asker]

A lot in general. I got pregnant at 19, we married 3 months after we found out. Things haven’t been easy

[joeldalton]

Do you think you could have some form of depression?

[Asker]

I’ve been on Citolapram for the past year. But my issues go back over 4 years

[joeldalton]

Definitely look at Citolapram as one of the culprits. Can you work through your issues without using it?

[Asker]

I’ve only been on it for a year and if anything it has helped.

[joeldalton]

Possibly with your depression, but SSRI’s can kill sexual desire. I’m suggesting you find alternatives for your depression issues.

[Asker]

Well imho early I’d rather not be able to get aroused over being suicidal

[joeldalton]

I asked if you could find alternatives. It’s obvious you have a lot of issues that are affecting your sex life. You have to work through those, first.

[Asker]

Yeah but everything else is good out side of the sex stuff.

[joeldalton]

Not if you are suicidal if you’re not on medicine.

[Asker]

Yeah chronic depression will do that

[cndni80]

You need a fuckbody

[Anonymous]

So do you think it's sex in general or sex with him?

[Asker]

Sex in general

[Opinion Owner]

Have you ever had with anyone else

[Asker]

Yes I have

[Opinion Owner]

Was it more enjoyable or the same

[Asker]

And I used to really enjoy is back when I was dating my husband

[Opinion Owner]

So maybe you're just bored with sex with him or something

[Asker]

I’m not bored though..