How can I get sexually attracted to my husband?

[Anonymous]

My husband has always been a little chubby. I was attracted to him but never really felt passionate about him like I had with other guys. The problem is that the guys I typically felt this for I was always intimidated by due to my low self esteem. I love my husband. He’s a great person and I get along well with him. He’s my best friend, but he doesn’t necessarily excite me. I don’t know how to address the issue that I’d like him to work on his appearance at least to help aide me in the right direction.

[HorrorFan]

You just have to communicate with him how you feel. It doesn't have to be a scenario where you give him an ultimatum that you will leave him if he doesn't lose weight, but you can take a more subtle approach to coaxing him into maybe taking the plunge into going to the gym maybe by trying to get him to go with you. If you do most of the cooking or at least grocery shopping, start buying healthier things and make smaller portions, etc.

Beyond all that, keep in mind that unless he put on a bunch of weight since you started seeing each other, you bought into the marriage knowing what you were getting into. Marriage is about partnership over the long haul. I hope you aren't confusing the excitement of a short term fling with what you may view as a more attractive man in the past with something that has actually flourished into a real relationship here.

[Asker]

To be honest I came into the marriage not putting much importance on my attraction level to him. He wasn’t the typically guy I’d go for but he was good for me and he made me feel safe and secure.

[Berethor]

You made your choice, the marriage lasted for 8 years already, so it might been the right choice.

[djmzes]

Simple

Put a goal and work towards it. Do not look at achievements and never compare. Once you compare you will not see the beauty but all the cons. Focus on the pros and work for these.

If you think everything will happen by magic, like there will be a pills or something you do that will magically change your situation, well keep dreaming.

Lift yourself and be committed to a goal and do it. Have conversation talks discuss debate.

Listen to understand... Just listen not reply back

[AustinMan]

I strongly suggest you see a good couple's therapist together.

[Asker]

I’ve suggested it countless times for other reasons but he is of the opinion that with open communication there is no need.

[AustinMan]

Clearly communications aren't open if you can't communicate with him What's he afraid of?

[Berethor]

Not being sexually attracted to him didn't stop you from being together with him for 8 years and giving birth to his child. He might not being losing weight because he lazy or maybe it's naturally hard for him to lose weight.

[Valnac]

Get him to the gym, go for walks
cut out snacks after supper!

[Valnac]

Based on your update, you don’t deserve that, that fact that you have kept yourself looking attractive, tells me you want a intimate relationship with someone that excites you physically and sexually. It may be time to kick him to the curb.