How can I have sex without hurting?

I'm a virgin. I wanted my first time to be with someone who I love and know I'll eventually marry. Now that I found him, I realized having sex for the first time is really painful :$. I even used a lube but it didn't help. What can I do so that it won't hurt so much as it's hard to have sex because of the pain?
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Superb Opinion

  • Recently did a woman who is an older age virgin (she is 34), mine is also much bigger than average.

    Tips :
    1) Don't plan for it. It will lead to a lot of anxieties. We had 2 dates, then 3rd date we planned on sex. It didn't happen as she was too tensed up. 3 further dates and it also didn't happen. Then we went out for 2 more dates where we didn't attempt anything. The following date, I had it in my mind that I'd do it.

    2) Get him to slowly ease and steer towards it, for us it happened as a BBQ at her place, then after clean up, she took a shower and I told her maybe I'd take a shower too before heading home. Then as I was about to leave, I sort of said maybe I'll cuddle with her for a bit as she seemed tired. She was quite relaxed and eventually I lead the cuddle to a massage centric foreplay. Her clothes were removed on the pretext I would be applying oil to rub her back and hips, my own clothes was removed on the pretext I was wearing the same clothes pre shower.

    3) Getting into position, I had decided she needed to be deflowered in missionary position. There were 3 spots I didn't massage when she was laying on her back, they were her neck, shoulders and legs. When I turned her over, I dimmed out the lights, then laid on her, massaged her shoulders a bit, then told her I'd come back to it, then massaged her feet, calves and thighs but not her knees which was also how her legs was opened up. Then I placed some of my weight on her, place my hand under her neck to massage her neck, then moved towards her shoulders, by this time she was somewhat sleepy and less alert.

    4) Inserting into her, I opened up her legs further to massage her knees and asked her if she felt relaxed, then began moving the massage up her thigh to where the inside of her thigh met her hips and then moved the massage to the side of her hips, her eyes were closed, I lowered myself, aimed and placed my hands by her hips, as it touched her and she began to realize what was happening I inserted into her.

    She said she liked it and it was a lot less pain than the first time I attempted.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Foreplay is really important, get used to making out a lot and having your body respond to it.

    learning how your body responds is really important as you can relax more, being relaxed is very important.

    the next bit is what do you class as virginity, can you for example use toys?

    is you can, then I really suggest get used to using a decent dildo during solo or mutual masturbation, even fingers help as you get used to something inside you as you masturbate and can feel yourself relaxing in to it.

    With your foreplay, you should ideally be having at least one orgasm before you even have sex.

    the other bits are sexual health check ups and birth control, make sure both are covered.

    Also consent, if you change your mind and say no, he needs to understand you really mean no and you need to understand you mean no.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Have him lick you to orgasm before penetrating you. Worked for me.

    • Hot advice :)

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 6
  • Lots of foreplay. Make sure you're really wet and relaxed. Most of all, make sure you communicate with each other

  • A lot of foreplay and good lubrication helps

    That excites you... Plus ask him to be gentle first as he gets inside you... Gradually you'll find the pain to subsidise and start enjoying

  • Foreplay, lubricant

  • Have you learned to masturbate?

  • Do it slowly

  • get really turned on and wait until u are wet then go easy

  • Are you saying you are a woman who is 25 or above and a virgin?

  • Try anal or oral