Girls, How can I let go and have an orgasm?

I was abused for a couple years growing up and I really want to learn to enjoy sex and have an orgasm
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Most Helpful Girls

  • First of all, I'm sorry you went through that situation (s). What you have to tell yourself, first and foremost is that you're a beautiful human being and this abuse WAS NOT your fault. It takes practice. Next, I think it's a great idea if you keep a journal of your feelings and vent. Write what you feel about sex and your progress because there WILL BE progress. Don't rush yourself. This is not a race.

    Start by masturbating using your hand. Thing of your lady parts as a beautiful flower full of pleasure. Light some candles or try incense. Find a private location where you won't be disturbed. Explore yourself. Stop if you feel uncomfortable. Bit by bit go further.

    You can also use a removable shower head to masturbste or can hump a pillow.

    Next, move on to a vibrator that will stimulate your clitoris. Purchase some lube and use it. It will feel amazing.

    Once you have progressed and you find yourself in love with someone who knows how to take it slow then progress to having sex. Tell your partner what happened. Omit the details but let your pathbreaking know that you want to take it slow.

    Remember abuse doesn't define you. You're a beautiful person who deserves a fulfilling sex life. The abuser is the ugly one for putting your through it. Remember that you are a fighter and you will one day be free of it and enjoy sec like the butterfly you are!

  • I won't lie, I masturbate a lot. I don't know whether or not you do already, but you really should try it! Get yourself to orgasm first, so you can find out exactly what you do and don't like, and what will finish you off. Experiment!
    Then, get your sexual partner to practise/ try these things with you.. It doesn't have to be straight away. You may only want to get used to each other first. Just get used to being undressed with them, being touched my them. It should be intimate, but not necessarily sexual. Once you've got used to it, start having sex and use the techniques you discovered masturbating and just get comfy with your partner and enjoy it! I hope that will help!

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What Girls Said

(14)
  • Start with a dildo or vibrator and "love yourself". Start practicing and have fun with it! Learn to associate it with positive things when you do it.. ie... good music, a good movie, in a bathtub with candles, etc...

  • There's two things involved in having an orgasm...
    To be able to give yourself one to know what you like/need and to trust who you're with which requires open communication and the ability to direct him to what you like and express what you don't.
    Orgasm's are about relaxing and letting yourself go. Figure that out first then work on having one with a partner.

  • I was abused a lot, including sexually. For me it is more so masterbating, and touching or seeing my vagina that bothers me. Most of the time I have anxiety or panic attacks afterwards. Also anal I can not do because I freak out. Sometimes you need therapy. I needed it. I consider my sexuality very open. However I can not look at or touch a vagina. Sleeping with a woman scares me so much. I do have a boyfriend. We do not have sex often though. What helps me is getting a massage naked after taking a warm bath with him. Then he kisses my feet, and up my body. He is very gentle. He makes me feel safe.

  • You have to be with someone you really, really trust and who likes you for the right reasons.

  • I don't know but when you figure it out let me know. I was never abused and I've never had an orgasm (during sex) either =\

  • Just focus on how good it feels. The first time I came with my boyfriend, my mind was completely clear and I was just thinking about how amazing it felt with him going down on me. He'd done it before, but I was worried about a million and one things so I wasn't relaxed.

  • Personally, when it comes to sex... I obviously go with someone I love, care about or is attracted to. Of course during sex, is the time where you just relax and have fun! Enjoy it... That way, your body will naturally relax to it. I know its hard if it reminds you of abuse... But it all comes to your own mind and how you control it when it comes to thinking about it.

  • Have you tried using a vibrator? I had my first orgasm using a handheld massager as a vibrator. After it got easier to have an orgasm with that I moved on to just using my hands but I haven't had sex yet. You have to concentrate very hard and think of images that turn you on (unless you are using a vibrator for me it was easy to orgasm with a vibrator).

  • You might need to do some masturbation techniques first to get yourself comfortable with sex and orgasm in general. Learn to know your body and what makes it tick.

    Let your partner know what might be a bad trigger for you. IE: Aggression
    then he can avoid them.

    Keep your partner aware of your feelings as you do things. The right partner will work with you to make sure you are ok. Once the trust and comfort is strong enough, you will naturally relax and enjoy it.

  • Sorry to hear that. It's psychological I can only orgasm when I am on top and I suppose it has to do with the fact that I am in control and there by choice. Counselling will help another idea is for you to sit comfortably and close your mind to all other distractions. Imagine the girl that you were in the corner of the room upset, scared, lonely and crying. Reach out to here ask her what's wrong and let her list out everything that happened to her young vulnerable body and mind. When she is finished hold her close and tell her it's ok it wasn't her fault. She needs to take back control to her life and you will help her list out all the things and people that bring you joy. The reasons you love them. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. Accept that these bad things happened but look at the wonderful person you are. The life you want. Then hold your hand in a ball channel all those issues then let it go.

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