How can I let my boyfriend know that sometimes he hurts me during sex?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has always been into rough sex.
In the beginning it was hot, and it still is now when he's sober.

When he's high, it's too much. If he's on top he pins me down and he'll dig his hands in as if he wants to hurt me. If we switch to doggy style, he pulls my hair not in a good way, in an almost unbearable way. It's not feel-good rough. It's just rough. He drags me around and it's painful.
Even the sex itself is painful.

I like having sex with sober him. He's a different person when he's high and I've come to hate it.
I just don't want to say it.

[knottywriter]

As a Dom, rough sex can certainly be a pleasurable thing, but in our world we also know there is a line between what's bearable and what is not. You may truly need to have a safeword in place. One that he agrees he will stop at if you use it because you are at a point that he is being too rough. If he refuses to stop at that point he would essentially be raping you. If he doesn't stop, that also tells you just how much your safety and well-being means to him and being high is in no way an excuse. At that point you may have to make an ultimatum of him getting high or being with you. Your safety and well-being has to be of the utmost importance. Rough set can be great but it has to be some with safe practice.

[Asker]

Thanks for this. I've never said anything because when he's sober and when he's high, it's like it's too different people. I kind of felt like saying something when he was sober wouldn't make a difference to when he's high so I let him do it: But if i don't say anything, he doesn't know, so you're right. Thanks again

[knottywriter]

More than welcome. I am most concerned for your safety above all because he can do some serious damage if he isn't careful. But you do need to have the talk when he is sober so there is complete understanding without impairment that there is a line being drawn. You need that safety net and he needs to respect it if he wants to continue. May even have to say no sex when he is high just to ensure you are not being harmed. There is a right way and a wrong way to do rough sex. When he is high, whatever is in his system is clearly amplifying his strength and that can not only be harmful, but potentially deadly and I just want you to be safe. He should respect that and hopefully he can learn to control himself. But again, your safety for yourself is paramount. Feel free to message if you need thoughts or ideas to help you guys be safe.

[bowenw]

Sex should be pleasurable to both parties. If it's not, you should try discussing with him. A decent guy will understand and make changes to make you happy.

[Twalli]

It's natural to only like him when he's sober

[Valnac]

If you are old enough to have sex, you are old enough to sit his ass down and tell him exactly what you say in your post. If he can’t get straight, and wount get help. You may need to dump him.

[Anonymous]

How bout lose the druggy boyfriend.. People like that aren't capable of caring for anyone but them selves.