How can I overcome vaginismus due to past trauma?

[Anonymous]

I got married recently and when my husband tried penetrating me, it literally felt like hitting a wall I felt like nothing can go through

even though I was so excited to be with him , my muscles were so contracted , getting just my fingers inside hurts

it got us both confused and I don't know what I'm supposed to do to relax i feel really bad

I think this is related to my past bc i was constantly assaulted at middle by my classmates bc I was too shy and I couldn't say a word , by my teacher at 13 and at 6 and even as an adult at 17 and 22

I really thought I moved on and im a stronger woman now

and I love my husband never touched anyone before him voluntarily

But this is so confusing and exhausting I want to be able to be normal

[RoseySarah]

My honeymoon was so the same just really nervous 😭.

Took me 3 days before I could relax enough!

I used dilators like small dildos to help you relax and slowly open you up! They saved us and I hope they can help!

This is such a hard unspoken thing but it is a really embarrassing and dramatic thing!

Also don't forget lube even when your soaked! It will help!

Really talk with him and help him understand it's not anything he does or you do it is all your body doing things to protect itself!

The dilators should help slowly it still takes time!

[Asker]

Thank you I really unnatural bc rarely do anyone speak about this

[RoseySarah]

Welcome hope they help you!

[Anonymous]

I have the same problem but I have a tilted uterus ut causes the same problem. You just need really long foreplay and as bad as this sounds he might have to push it in once. It will hurt like a bitch and you might bleed but you can heal and after that things will get easier. Therapy is a scam.. I went through the same thing. It sounds fucked up but its true

[Asker]

R u healed now?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes but I haven't had sex in years so I will have to do the process again.. tbh just get it over with and have sex at least once a day

[Asker]

After the first time it gets easier right and does it stay easy?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes much much easier

[Opinion Owner]

But first one hurts bad i screamed lol. But im very happy i did it

[Asker]

Thank u soo much But it's just hard to believe that I can get that inside me while getting just fingers hurt rn

[Opinion Owner]

Yes I know it will hurt so fucking bad but it will be worth it. Maybe start with him pushing a finger in and just let him hold it inside still until you are okay

[Asker]

Thank you

[Berethor]

Did you tried to ride him? are you shy being naked with him? you tried to being naked more?

[Asker]

I'm not shy being naked with him I love him maybe a tiny bit shy and i tried riding him but it was 2 painful so I stopped and I felt bad so I did what I always do I gave him a bj so he can cum and I feel better that he is happy but I can't keep always ending it like that

[Berethor]

At least you giving him blow job but to truly make a man happy penetration needed.

[Asker]

Ik but it really hurts and feels like hitting a wall

[Berethor]

It would hurt less the more you do it, you would get used to it after some time.

[HelpfulWoman]

Therapy. That is all.

[Asker]

I'm scared to go talk about what happened unanimously tbh

[BigDog1989]

Assaulted?

[Asker]

I'm sorry what

[BigDog1989]

how were you

[Asker]

I don't know scared and shy what kind of questions that

[BigDog1989]

how were you assaulted

[In_Trance]

Therapy

[Asker]

I really don't want to talk to a therapist about what happened im just scared im unfixable

[In_Trance]

You asked a question and now you don't want a solution? Is that correct? I don't get your logic

[Asker]

Ok I'm sorry I m just scared of therapy but thank u for ur solution maybe it will make sense in my brain one day

[Anonymous]

How come you didn’t realize you had this problem before because if you can’t get your fingers inside yourself then obviously you have a problem and you didn’t know this in all these years

[Opinion Owner]

And what do you mean assaulted by your classmates?

[Asker]

Bc I didn't want to try that by myself b4 and whenever I please myself don't want to try penetration I wanted to leave that for my true love

[Opinion Owner]

Well, hopefully he doesn’t have an issue with us. I’d recommend going to a sex therapist. To get it fixed.

[Opinion Owner]

I mean with this not us

[Asker]

They would sit next to me and touch me on class one teacher even saw said nothing outside the class open my vest and take off my shirt it was really bad and it kept happening for 2 years the worst part is that girls hated me and I was either assaulted or hated so I had noone to talk to

[Asker]

Honestly thinking about him having an issue hurts me bc im scared he would not want me no more

[Opinion Owner]

He just got married to you Of course he wants you. This doesn’t make sense to me. How could a kid touch you in class and take off your vest when there’s a grown adult teacher right there in the classroom and what do you mean a teacher saw it and didn’t say anything

[Asker]

I saw him look at me when the boy next to me was touching my boobs I was really screaming on the inside please stop him but he just continued like nothing happened so I just cried in science bc if he didn't stop it I can't

[Opinion Owner]

You should’ve gone to the principal

[Asker]

Ik I should have done many things but I was shy and im really exhausted of blaming myself but I'm stronger now

[Opinion Owner]

What about your parents back then? Anyway you probably should talk to a professional counselor to help you get past this