How can I (self) heal from my PTSD?

[Lxcylxcy]

When I was 19, I was clubbing with my friends and I met this guy who I made out with. We even went to the hotel together afterwards (it’s a long story) by the way my friends and his friends also were at the same hotel with us but in separate rooms ofc. I had a very bad gut feeling about everything but I just ignored it. I didn’t want to ruin the night for our friends so I just stayed instead of going home. (I know how NAIVE!)

I never wanted to have sex with him so I told him that right after we got in the room. We agreed on making out only. While we were making out, he just undressed my shirt and took of my bra at a point. Then he started sucking my boobs. He didn’t ask me to do that obviously. And of course I just let it happen. I was so overwhelmed with the situation tbh since I‘ve never been this intimate with a guy before, I didn’t even have a boyfriend yet. I was enjoying it for a moment but he clearly crossed my boundaries…and I couldn’t even say anything…not a single word came out of my mouth.
He then would say things like „I have a condom“ and I declined again for the sex. Then he put me in different positions and rubbed himself against me. Again, I was very uncomfortable but I couldn’t say a word. He was on top of me, and I can remember how afraid I was. He was so much bigger than me. I knew I couldn’t defend myself even if I wanted to.

After everything that happened, I immediately felt so much regret. I felt so used, worthless, dirty…. I never felt like this in my life.
For the first months after the incident, I just tried to ignore that feeling. But I couldn’t ignore it for too long. I started getting depressed and there hasn’t passed a day where I don’t think about what happened. I can’t seem to move on at all. I repented, tried everything but I couldn’t just let it go. I’m in therapy since a month because of this. I think I might have PTSD (next month it will mark 2 years exactly). How can I finally (self) heal from my PTSD besides doing therapy?

[Anonymous]

The best sex I ever had was with my ex. He was an abusive controlling psychopath but he had a dick like a firehose, was amazing in bed and I was so turned on by the danger that surrounded him. I remember I started dating a guy and we were upstairs having sex at a party, I wanted to make my ex jealous and It worked. Anyway he barged in through the door when my new guy was cumming and punched him in face, he was lying unconscious on the floor ejaculating on the carpet. I was shouting and screaming at my ex and he just stared at my naked body, I tried to hit him and he just grabbed my wrist, closed the door and dragged me over to the bed where he forcefully bent me over and had sex with me sticking it up my ass for the first time and I was so afraid and excited at the same time and super turned on from the previous sex. It really hurt and I yelped and screamed for him to stop, I called for help but nobody came. He just pumped away, as he was about to cum I felt the urge to rub my clit and had the most intense squirting orgasm, like I soaked the bed completely. When he had finished he just pulled up his jeans and walked out leaving me face down in a bed of my own wetness crying with his cum oozing out of my anus.

He's in jail now. But the best sex I ever had was with him. I still get PTSD flashes during sex as I'm cumming or when I hear his name. The pure terror, fear and Horningsham awakens in me. I was so miserable and an absolute netotic mess with him.

[Lxcylxcy]

I am really sorry to hear that. Gladly he is in jail now. Did you ever take therapy for your PTSD if I may ask?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes I had too. I was a complete basket case being with him. I lost so much weight, my hair was falling out and I looked 20 years older by the end. I'd go to pieces over nothing.

[kylee2437]

Go to therapy. If there was such thing as self healing - then we wouldn’t have a world full of mental health issues

[Lxcylxcy]

Im already going to the therapy but I don’t want to rely only on the therapy 100%, do u know what I’m trying to say?

[kylee2437]

Therapy is still definitely best. I think asking your therapist would be better. Just ask her/ him ways that you can suppress your trigger reactions.

[Lxcylxcy]

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

this sounds more like regret than ptsd. You regret the situation because you put yourself in a vulnerable place and had no control. Try demanding control in all areas of your life and soon enough this regret will pass. Don’t put yourself in positions where someone else can decide for you, rather if that is because they have leverage or strength over you. Were you wrong to go to the hotel with a random guy knowing he will initiate sex, yes, will you get over this in time, yes.

[Lxcylxcy]

Please don’t try belittle my pain. Of course, I regret what happened. It’s even my biggest regret in life. And I never blamed anybody for what happened to me… I know people go through much worse traumas but that doesn’t mean I can’t be traumatized as well by what happened to me. "You will get over this by time“ it’s been 2 years next month … I think enough time has passed. I should’ve got over it by now but I didn’t. That’s why I’m seeking professional help.

[Reece12345]

I don't think you can ever fully heal from PTSD. I was bullied for years and I've been told that I might have PTSD.

I'm not comparing my pain to yours. What you have been through is hell. But bullying hurt me and fucked me up. I do see a therapist and it has helped.

I always need to work with it but sharing with people I can trust has helped me. It's a pain the can be soothed but it never goes away.

[Lxcylxcy]

Thank you for sharing your story, and first of all I am so sorry to hear that. I am glad that you got to see a therapist and that it helped you. I can't imagine what you've went through , bullying is really no joke.

[Reece12345]

Thanks, it's uplifting to share with someone who understands this kind of pain. So many people who don't.

[Lxcylxcy]

I definitely understand your pain even tho I can’t feel it myself because I was never bullied. People who don’t understand this pain are just ignorant. People worldwide kill themselves because they get bullied. Don’t listen to them, I wish you the best !

[Reece12345]

Thanks. You too.

[Reece12345]

Thanks for the MHO!

[Koneko911]

Therapy. If you could self heal I'd never have tried killing myself years ago after all my abuse and stuff u went through

[Lxcylxcy]

Thank you… I hope you’re doing okay!

[Wiredone]

Why couldn't you say anything? Were you so aroused or did he drug you

[Lxcylxcy]

Neither. I couldn’t say anything because I was afraid. I was like frozen. I couldn’t even move. I heard a lot of girls experience things like this…

[peterrezeeek]

The past can't be fixed, but you can use your experience to be mindful of the future ❤️

[Lxcylxcy]

Yeah I know.. thank you❤️

[peterrezeeek]

you are always welcome ❤️ merry Christmas 💕

[Lxcylxcy]

Thanks! Merry Christmas to you too

[In_Trance]

you can't. You need therapy

[Lxcylxcy]

Im already going to the therapy but I don’t want to rely only on the therapy 100%, do u know what I’m trying to say? Repl

[LordOfThePines]

Exposure to my triggers, willingly, has helped. Especially when safety of myself and my loved ones would require me to be decisive, which also means I need to push past it. It is not perfect, and some triggers are much harder to work on, but it can be done.

[Lxcylxcy]

Did you work on your triggers in therapy?

[Lxcylxcy]

Or how did you do it exactly if you could be more precise please?