Sexual Relationships
+1 y

How can you call a innocent girl who hasn’t gotten with anyone in over a year a wh*re?

I make some silly inappropriate jokes sometimes but that’s it... I was r*ped, had my virginity stolen from me and to deal with it I slept with a fair amount of people 6 guys and one girl?
Then I got therapy, grew up, remembered my worth and became my usual reserved, self and waited, still waiting for a relationship to do anything with a guy. I haven’t even kissed anyone in over 8 months.. I just can’t stop crying as I had an argument with my best friend, who knew my reasons for becoming “sleazy” for a month or so and self I’m a whore and have no self respect... and “once a whore always a whore”
Updates:
+1 y
Just to clarify I did not say “once a whore always a whore” I do NOT think that is accurate it’s what my friend said to me.
0 1

Most Helpful Guys

  • I understand that you are upset, and I understand why. I also think it was wrong of your friend to say what she said. Having said that, I think she was genuinely trying to get through to you and get you to change your self-destructive behavior, and perhaps she didn't feel like her more kind words were getting through to you. Again, I don't agree with what she said, but I might agree with WHY she said it.

    It was horribly unfair and wrong that you were raped. I'm sorry that happened to you, and I hope the person who did it is or was punished. And I've been in the world long enough to know that a large percentage of rape victims go sex-crazy for a while, which is their way of trying to cope with their rape and trying to regain their own control over sex - what you've been doing is quite common, and very understandable. It's also very UNhealthy and potentially dangerous for you, and your friend is right to be concerned.

    Had you gone skiing that day, and took a fall and badly broken your leg in multiple places, would you have gone home and hoped you healed okay? And would you have accepted having to hobble around for the rest of your life because your bones were never set and never healed properly? Of course not - you'd have gone to the hospital, the likely would have done surgery and put pins and plates and screws in your leg so that it healed correctly and had strength, and then they'd have scheduled you for weeks or months of difficult, uncomfortable, often painful physical therapy, because that's what it would have taken to get you walking normally again.

    Instead, you were raped, but rape is an injury that has more in common with a badly broken leg than you might imagine, and not only did you need some professional help that day, but you also needed ongoing therapy - mental & emotional therapy rather than physical therapy - to rebuild yourself and to get you back to where you were before. There is no shame in needing help, any more than needing help after a broken leg - it's NECESSARY and it's IMPORTANT, and it will help you use HEALTHY and PRODUCTIVE ways to manage your injury until you recover. And you absolutely CAN recover.

    You are NOT a "victim for life" and you are NOT "damaged goods" IF you follow the path to recovery - which will involve some outside, professional help, and dealing with some discomfort and even pain along the recovery path. There are people who are happy to tell you that you ARE a "victim for life" and who would keep you weak - do not listen to them. You are injured, yes, but recovery is absolutely possible - it's just a lot of work. I hope you choose to do the work and recover fully, and I hope your friend, as harsh as her words were, truly had your best interests in mind when she said them. And if she did, I hope you can turn things around, and I hope you can forgive her.

    • I appreciate all that you said, it was insightful and did make me feel a lot better. thank you for coming from a place of understanding & kindness, it means a lot tbh. and I mean I’ve already changed it? I haven’t hooked up with anyone in over a year, I’m now in college (well online bc of the covid) I was more so annoyed that my way of dealing with trauma in the past, had been used against me as I was certainly not mentally stable whilst doing that. but now I’m a lot better, those words just brought me back to the kind of empty, worthless feeling BUT I’m not gonna let it overcome me as I’ve worked hard on returning to my old self & changing for the better.

    • Good to hear! Keep working and keep your head up!

  • I think you have already changed and trying to become better version of yourself which is good first step.
    Some people will always judge you no matter what you do and make stupid assumptions about you.
    So just ignore them.
    So be healthy and have good future.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I am sorry that you had to go through that darling i can imagine the pain and trauma and that 1 month behaviour is also understandable
    Sometimes when we argue we say things in anger which we dont mean otherwise so keep that in mind darling
    Also sleeping with 6 persons doesn't make you a whore... just look around u will find girls have had more boyfriends than that so are they whores too? And how about your friend is she been with 1 guy only?
    Lastly even if someone calls u a whore u dont need to cry about it for 2 reasons... first... be strong and stand upto anyone mistreating you...2nd... being a whore doesn't harm darling coz whores are also people like any other its just their different job...
    I am a whore or prostitute or slut or call me whatever n i dont mind whatever anyone calls me even though i work in one of the top clubs plus i work in vip section only which makes me "high class" but well i own it

    • Thanks for MHO honey

  • I'm really sorry to read about what you went through it happened to me also but instead of going the route you did sleeping with others to gain THAT CONTROL BACK after it was taken away from you which l understand and know others that have done the same. I did the opposite and hid myself away was totally scared of male contact didn't many a man near me and if any guy tries to be flirty or gesture towards me l would freak out anxiety.
    But like you had a good talk with myself and sorted things out you were and are young still and make choices we might wish he hadn't done. But l think you have take back control and that can only be good. I would say this person who called you these things dont understand and is not a friend. So l would ignore them and keep going on this new and better you.
    Good luck and you will find someone just take your time dont rush but also if things feel right then go with it to. 😊

    • It made me realise though, if they can judge me and put me down for the way I dealt with a terrifying and traumatic experience that made me mentally ill then they are not my friends, all this was a year ago and wasn’t brought up in a recent argument and it kind of just made the feelings of worthlessness come back. But I’m strong and worked hard feel like myself again I won’t let them take it from me. and i am very sorry to hear that you went through something similar. you seem like a very strong lady. and thank you!!

    • @anonbrunette99 100% no true friend would say or treat you like that ever. You will always think about things and what people said or behaved were females it's a down side lol but but from all what you've said l think you have done amazing. As l couldnt tell anyone or talk about it as l couldnt admit what happened. You are definitely not worthless and things now will only make you stronger again you will have down days but good friends behind you and you will just grow as a person. Thankyou that's very sweet of you am stronger than l was but I still have a long way to go my confidence is shot although certain people l am more confident around than others. Absolute pleasure if you ever want to talk you can always message me 😊

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 8

  • i dont agree about once a whore always a whore.

    The best thing is just not to share your sex life with anyone coz peeps judge... yet they dont look in the mirror.

    I have been where you are as far as sexual beginnings, life, and trying to seek value and self esteem in the arms of a lover... didn't work.. even after seeing a therapist.

    I am here most the time if you just want to vent or hear how I dealt with this judging mentality peeps have... my own family, cept my mom, all say I am stupid for my lifestyle, where I live, and I am surrogating for the couple I nanny for.

    Life is harsh and mean, but we have friends who care...

    • It just hurt because the time I was sleeping around I was legit ill, like mentally ill from the experience that I was putting myself into bad situations, I wasn’t actively jumping around from guy to guy happily I was desperate to make the trauma stop and thought that way would work. but proven it didn’t. I think it’s unfair to be labelled as that when this all happened over a year ago and again I was SICK I ended up needing medication for a few months after that. Thank you so much for your sweet and encouraging words and understanding ❤️ I really do appreciate that a lot

  • Maybe I am not understanding this but run? As the quote/saying goes, there's no such thing as halfway crooks.

    • I haven’t touched a guy in over a year i was mentally ill from trauma hanging with losers that wanted to use me and allowing myself to be pressured into things to deal with my trauma. I grew up and haven’t touched a guy since last May, last guy I kissed I was dating for two months before I did kiss him... but yeah I’m a whore?

    • 'whore' means a prostitute so no? People use it on people who aren't selective with their partners but I wouldn't think so. I am not sure why you keep asking the question as if you're not sure. Go to a library or some club and get better friends, seems like you don't have many people (new) to talk so you keep people who are not good for you around.

  • It doesn't matter now, but ending virginity is about intent, not a flap of skin.
    You had no intent when you were raped. Your virginity did not end then. It ended only when you consented.

    Perhaps in your "reboot" you need a better class of friends.

  • You are not a whore!! You were raped.

  • I don't know ikr right ignore them it's peer pressure don't prove them right

  • she's not your best friend. people usually resort to slagging off someone else due to jealousy or lack of their own self worth. Your conscious is clear, you dont owe her or anyone anything.

  • In the process of growing up and healing don't forget to leave behind said "friends".

  • Once a whore is always one. Not a bad thing to feel

    • Don't feel it. May be you were meant to be like this

    • I haven’t hooked up with anyone since last May... I wasn’t like to be like anything I hated myself for what I did and I’m so much happier that I stopped

    • Why were you unhappy? Just stop feel upset.

  • You sound like an emotional dumpster fire.

    • I am

  • Jesus where di you live where that's a lot... there's girls here that have 6 for breakfast

  • Being a ho stays on your record like a felony.

    • It shouldn’t I wasn’t hoe I was dealing with trauma and was mentally ill. I didn’t exactly go from guy to guy it was the guys I was hanging out with that where like that & obviously I put myself there to try get over what’s happened... so ur saying it means nothing that’s I haven’t had contact with any guy since 2019 May?

  • she only said it because she knew it would hurt you

    • ugh humans suck tryna hurt others bc they feel hurt or want to win the argument

  • She's a bitch. Ignore her

  • No offense but you hardly sounds innocent. It sounds like you were assaulted and that caused you to make some poor choices which took your innocence with them.

    • Every guy after that always told me that I seem very innocent, even the last one. People that meet me for the first time tend to say that too I don’t know maybe it’s just because I’m shy and reserved it’s the vibe I give off who knows

    • My innocence isn’t lost due to how I coped with a traumatic experience and you don’t know me so it isn’t for you to be the judge of.

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