How do I deal with my ex losing her virginity before me?

I know that i should look after myself but I can’t take my mind off this. She is a lot more social and much more attractive than I am, so it shouldn't be such a surprise. Yet here I am. It’s not like I can go get laid to make myself feel better because I’m autistic and generally bad looking. But I just want to have a healthy reaction to this. Any advice?

0 1

Superb Opinion

  • Hey man, I can understand why finding out your ex lost it before you would sting a bit. Comparing yourself isn't gonna help though. You've gotta accept that people move at different speeds, and she's just one girl - there's no race or competition here.

    Don't be so hard on yourself either. Your worth isn't defined by that single act. And being autistic or not "conventionally" attractive doesn't mean you can't find someone. Focus on developing your personality - join some social clubs, chat online, ask female friends to set you up. You never know who you might click with!

    As for a healthy reaction - try to be happy for your ex, not jealous. She's living her life, just like you need to keep living yours. Don't dwell on "what ifs" either - stay present and put yourself out there more. You'll gain confidence in time, just keep an open heart. Try not to obsess over losing it either - let it happen naturally with the right person. You've got this bro!

    • As much as I admire your positivity. I have to say, I’ve never felt so good about the idea of “just focus on yourself bro!” I mean I get it, I do. But at it’s core is that not just looking the other way? My shortcomings are there without my attentiveness. I know that these things aren’t all my fault but It just makes it so much worse.

    • You've got a point man, it's not always that simple. Of course your feelings are valid and it sucks to dwell on those kind of frustrations. Look, there's no magic fix and you can't undo the past. But being too hard on yourself ain't gonna help either. Maybe try shifting your mindset in small ways. Like yeah, work on self-improvement if you want. But also, try appreciating what you've got right now too instead of what you lack. And cut yourself some slack - we're all works in progress, y'know? As for your ex, I get she represents what's bugging you deep down. But does focusing on her choice really change anything for you? Might be better to just let it be and move forward focusing on your own path. Easier said than done, I know. But you've got your whole life ahead still. Why not do something relaxing tonight like gaming or hanging with your boys? Take the pressure off for a bit. These things have a way of working themselves out if you stop overthinking it all. You'll find your way, dude. Just keep swimming, yeah? One day at a time.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Oh well. Shit happens. The world keeps spinning and life goes on!

    • Comforting in a way I can't place my finger on..

    • Well, it's part of history now and there's nothing that anyone can do to change that so, ya just gotta live with it. If you love her, don't worry about that anymore.

Most Helpful Girls

  • You had your chance with her. Leave her be. Let her live her life.

  • By being grateful that she would even consider being with you.

    • A bit self loathing isn’t it? I mean I try not to put people on a pedestal.

    • You're already feeling bad, so doesn't really matter. Either dump her or get over it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 3
  • For fucks sake just Grow Up and start acting your age.

    • Kid named lying about age on the internet:

  • It's not that big a deal. People put way too much stock in whether someone is a virgin.

  • Stop stalking her and forget about her

  • Get over it

  • There's not really a way to deal with it besides focusing on the steps you are making in your own life to get ahead.

  • You are 27. Deal with it.

    • Kid named faking age on the internet:

  • Take solace in the fact she probably getting a STD before you as well.😆😆😆