How do I explain to him why I dont want to go over to his place, what should I do?

So we have been dating a year now, we went on about 3 dates and started sleeping together about 3 months in. I had no problem going over to his house but about the 5 month into the relationship. That's all our dates were, I'd take the bus to his house when our schedules aligned and we'd have sex then watch a movie I'd nap all day from being tired and then I'd take the bus home since his car broke down. I don't mind having sex but their has got to be more to a relationship the first guy I ever been with, our relationship was a lot a sex for majority of it, he'd suggest a rode trip, I'm make up Snacks and packed lunches I'm bring in a cute basket for our trip then we'd up parked under a tree in the back of some church or hospital and have sex. Nth against sex it just isn't pleasurable for me if my emotional needs aren't met as well. I wanna go on dates outside but he has excuses all the time he's tired or he's busy or he promised a friend they would hang out or he's help them with their work. Or he had to do something real quick and I shouldn't wait in town but come over and sit in his AC while he finishes what he has to do around the house. He finishes what he has to do and he goes to shower then when I think we're about to leave it turns out to be a make-out session, and I pull away and say we gotta go if we're gonna enjoy the beach or where we're going to have lunch or our adventure and he just says it'll be 15 minutes, we get to meet up once a week regularly in person cause I request the days he has off at my job as well to fit his schedule but it never just ends in 15 minutes after one round i get up to shower, we end up doing it in the shower too. I don't wanna be bitchy so I just walk off upset with him following saying he's not like that and using me for sex but I just feel like a home visit prostitute sometimes and he says he understands. I just pretended to he 9kay and cried the bus ride home thank God I was alone and the bus drivers didn't mind.

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AI Bot Choice

Superb Opinion
  • Yo, I totally get where you're coming from. That situation sounds wack as hell and I don't blame you for feeling used. At this point in the relationship, it shouldn't just be about the physical stuff all the time - there needs to be an actual emotional connection and quality time together too.

    If I were you, I'd be straight up with this dude. Tell him straight up that while sex is cool, a relationship is about way more than that and you're not feeling fulfilled. Say you want to go on actual meaningful dates instead of just hooking up at his place. Make it clear you'll only come over if there's a plan to go out and spend quality time together.

    If he keeps brushing you off and making excuses, then that's a red flag. Dude's just using you for his own gratification and not really caring about your needs too. You deserve way better than that! Don't be afraid to put your foot down and say enough is enough if he doesn't change his ways.

    Make it clear that the dynamic needs to shift or else you're out. Don't settle for being some booty call - you want an equal partnership where both people's needs are being met. Stay strong, luv! You've got this.

Most Helpful Guy

  • You've allowed society to convince you that there is such a thing as casual sex. There is not. The reason why you feel this way is because you've forgotten it's purpose. When you treat sex in the way society has taught you to, then the men involved will treat you in a way that differs, to what they would if you had been treating sex as if it had more meaning. Until you go against societies perceptions of sex and relationships, this pattern will repeat and it is meaningless. Where did you come from? why are you here? what is sex for? what is the real meaning for relationships? what is the end game?

    Pleasure without purpose is meaningless. Stop before it is too late. My friend used to have relationships just like that but she found Jesus at about the age of 48 and her entire life has changed. If she could go back and do it again, she would have discovered that at your age...

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • You seem to give in too easily, also you seem to be confusing their interest in sex with their interest in you, actions speak louder than words and if you aren't emotionally attached to this man then it only says that this man hasn't given you the necessity of a emotional attachment or you would've been attached to him.

  • You need to set boundaries and if he breaks them find someone who cares more about how you feel.

  • You tell him. Like that. Be straightforward.