How do I forgive the man who raped me when I was a virgin?

When I was 17 I met a 26 year old man. I was saving it for marriage and he wasn’t happy about it. He kept practically begging for me to give him my virginity. I kept telling him I wanted to get married first and I want my first time to be super special and magical. It was supposed to be something I could always look back on and smile.

One night he got me drunk and I passed out. I woke up feeling a painful slamming sensation, like if I fell on my butt really hard. Within a few seconds I realized he was raping me. I never even felt him first penetrating me. He didn’t even wear a condom.

I know Jesus wants us to forgive. I know I shouldn’t have got drunk around a man I wasn’t married to. But I still hate him. He hurt me so bad. It’s been 8 years and I still cry. I’ll never have another first time. I’ll never be able to give my virginity to the person I marry. I never thought that would happen to me. I hope it was worth it to hurt a girl so bad for the rest of her life. I don’t think he cares. I JUST WISH HE WOULD SAY he's SORRY!!!
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  • How many times are you going to post this on GAG? You need therapy and you're not going to get it here.

  • There's nothing saying you have to forgive him, and nothing to forgive. And you're right, you aren't likely ever going to get that apology from him. You have to do your best to move past that and just focus on your life and try not to dwell on that. Having said that, it's important to deal with your feelings over it as well. Maybe consider some counselling or something for rape victims?

  • He is fucked up... so sorry to hear this. Really really bad man... if he got killed by your brother / dad thatd b fine in my opinion