How do I get my wife to be more kinky in bed?

[Anonymous]

I've been married now for 6 years and have 2 kids, so the fire has more or less left. We have sex maybe 2 times per month and it's always the same. I eat her out and then we do missionary. That's it. Sometimes she gives me oral but never finishes the job. When we were dating, she was a lot more freaky but then she stopped a few months after we got married. I've tried asking her if she wants to do anything else in bed and she has always turned it into a fight. I bought a sex game that I thought was very fun, but she didn't like it at all, so we played it once and didn't do it again.

So, how do I find out what she wants to do in bed aside from the boring same old shit?

[tinyclit]

Please be more assertive. Sit down and have a frank, open, honest and non-threatening discussion with her about sex. Talk about your sexual needs, kinks and fetishes. If she only needs to be pleasured two times a month, that's fine, but let he know you need to be pleasured more often. Needs and frequency of needs do not have to match exactly. They can be completely different. Also, it doesn't have to be sexual intercourse every time or even at all ever. If you need oral more often than she does, let her know. If you need to finish during oral, be assertive, tell her to put her head back and open her mouth wide. Finish yourself by stroking your cock and cumming into her mouth, then tell her to swallow. It's an acquired taste and after she does it several times in a row she'll start to like it. We women like and respect men. Please be a man, not a doorknob. :)

[Anonymous]

Is she actually getting off? Women who have orgasms regularly are more excited about sex.

Also, is it possible some positions aren't very comfortable now? "Change things up" to guys often means something like jackhammer doggy or anal. Try, perhaps, stuff that's has less chance of being physically painful - spooning, you standing and her laying down, sitting up together and rocking.

A lot of emphasis is put on women's emotions when often, in my opinion, emotions are used to mask the problem that sex doesn't feel good to her, physically.

[AlyAmaryllis]

Be more demanding
You should try holding her down first and see her reaction
Lightly try choking, nip at her ear
Ask her to touch herself for you
Hold her head when she's giving you oral and tell her when you're almost there or when she's doing good
Assertiveness can be sexy but if she doesn't seem to be appreciating it then don't force it

[AustinMan]

First, try talking to her a couple of times but back off the pressure:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10152-how-to-talk-to-your-so-about-sex

If that doesn't work, find a good couple's therapist.

[OlderAndWiser]

Try to talk her into playing Winner Says, Loser Does, and let her be the winner the first time.

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a28737-how-to-get-your-partner-to-do-anything-in-bed-anything

[annapanda2000]

maybe she's lost her body confidence

[ouzaki]

Talk to her to understand why she's not down with these stuff.
Try to find the reason behind

[JC103]

What are things that's a hard no for her?

[Kendra1916]

Okay , first you need to find out what you guys emotions are. if she's deeply in love and still super into you shell be more open to doing whatever you want, ask he nicely to try new things.

[Anonymous]

That's what happens after women get married. They stop pretending to like sex.

[AlphaMale1]

I strongly disagree with this. In order to keep a sex life fun there has to be a hunger. If all you ever ate every meal of your life was a bowl of soup you would not look forward to eating meals. The same is true with sex. When people get comfortable in their daily life a routine sets in. This causes the hunger for sex to diminish. And after a while it becomes a chore. What works for me is to keep the sex part of our relationship from becoming routine. Gradually bringing in new things. I could write a book on the things I have done to women I have been with for over a year to keep sex interesting and fun. The key is to bring in change gradually. Bringing home a box full of dildos, batteries, porn videos, flavored lube, etc will freak out most women. Bringing in new things gradually works best. It does not have to be toys, gadgets or videos. My experience has taught me each woman is different so I doubt there is a, "One fix" that will work in all relationships.

[Wonderer89]

Haha this is so wrong

[Opinion Owner]

@Wonderer89 I'm not wrong. Do you have any idea how many sexless marriages there are? Most of the time it's because the woman doesn't like sex. She only did it as a chore to keep her man happy. @AlphaMale1 if you have a boring sex life then yeah taking breaks and spicing things up will help to create that hunger feeling back, but in many cases it's because the woman has a low sex drive and doesn't want sex. Many times women will put up with sex just to get that ring around her finger and once she does the sex will slowly start to decline after a few months to a year. Then after she starts having kids sex is practically non existent. Your opinion might be different but I'm speaking how I observe things.

[Wonderer89]

And both of us are speaking from experience. In most cases women not feeling like sex after marriage isn't because she finally got a ring and doesn't have to anymore. There are many reasons - exhaustion from raising children and taking care of a home (both primarily seen as women's roles), hormonal changes due to pregnancy and age and how many men turn into overgrown children that she needs to take care of? How sexy is that. Now that last one was a HUGE generalisation but one that seems pretty prevalent when really, as Alpha stated it just takes some time, communication and commitment to keep it going and I 100% agree. Your car doesn't run without maintenance, either does marriage or a sex life. I have been with the same man for 9 years, damn straight we work hard on keeping fresh and frisky

[Opinion Owner]

@Wonderer89 Is this something you've discussed with your female friends? Often times women make it seem like it's the man's fault. They talk about how they're not being romanced and how unwanted they feel outside of sex. I feel like it's deeper than that though.

[Wonderer89]

One of my relatives is a sex therapist. She sees couples everyday and many of them come forward with the same blaming statements and rarely is it the case ones the emotions are stripped away. But your statement can be taken both ways. Don't men always say that when their wife starts saying no? That its her fault and that as soon as it became permanent it changed? Of course it's not his fault in his eyes. In reality it's both genders, both need to make the effort to be open and generous or it doesn't work.

[Anonymous]

You can't.