How do I handle the awkwardness of telling guys I'm still a virgin at 21? Will guys be turned off?

[Anonymous]

As the title says I'm still a virgin at 21 which is honestly so embarrassing at this point. I feel like everyone else finds it so easy to talk to guys and hook up with them but I just have no game whatsoever I'm completely clueless. I've struggled with social anxiety, confidence and being very shy for as long as I can remember. I find it really hard to feel comfortable around people I don't know and hate making small talk etc so talking to guys/meeting guys is really difficult for me. I have been trying to put myself out there more, I go clubbing a fair bit but I never get any interest. I think I'm fairly pretty but I know my body isn't the most sexy, I'm quite thin, no curves, flat chested, small butt etc, maybe thats why? Of course I would prefer to lose my virginity to someone I know in person but I've had no luck so I thought I might try dating apps to hook up with someone and lose this damn v card already. But now I'm worried it will be awkward at this age to have to explain to the guy that I literally have no clue what I'm doing. Will he think I'm a loser/be turned off? Im also paranoid that because I'm still a virgin he won't be able to fit inside me. This is a bit TMI (but I came here to be honest and get advice) I've tried using my fingers on myself before and I can only fit two inside before it really starts to hurt so now I'm worried that he won't be able to fit and it would be even more awkward. Does anyone have any advice as to how I navigate all this? I just don't know what to do I'd appreciate any input.

[veganrogue]

First of all, give yourself a break. 21 is a bit older than average, but it's nothing to write a movie about (40 Year Old Virgin).

Regarding you social anxiety, it will pass as you gain more confidence. I was a social basket case in my late teens and invisible to most women.

I hate small talk too and it doesn't have to be small talk. Talk about your passions, hobbies, dreams, etc. Find somebody that really clicks with you. Then it can be a deeper, more organic conversation. Guys your age generally are not the best conversationalists, or so I remember, but I'm sure you can find a least a few guys with a bit more substance or somebody a bit older that you can relate to. .

Your body type is the one that drives me absolutely crazy. I've dated women with crazy curves, but for me sexually speaking, thin, lean women make my heart race. Don't know why and I don't really care, but I find your body type to be extremely sexy and very feminine. Also sexiness or the perception of sexiness has a lot to do with how you carry yourself (swagger). It's more of a projection of your inner sexuality than your exterior dimensions.

The only problem with hooking up with some rando online is that he doesn't care about you. Fine if you want to hook up, but since you are so tight (forgive me), it can be an incredibly painful experience. You could try a vaginal dilator set. They are a simple set of four dildos varying in thickness. You start with the smallest diameter (obviously) and when you've become 'comfortable' (no pain, starting to feel pleasure), you size up. Use lots of lube and take your time as it may take a week or two, and by the time the thickest one starts to feel amazing, then you can hook up and not worry about tears or injury. If it's feeling good at home, it should feel just as good first time (depending on his skill) I used them a couple of times to train my ex girlfriends for anal sex and they worked like a charm, but they are designed for vaginal penetration. You may be lacking in experience, but he doesn't know that. Just let him do the work. If it feels good to the both of you, then it should be a pleasurable experience. For me personally, virginity is not some sacred thing that needs to be given to someone you love. Sure that sounds great in theory, but for the majority of humans, it doesn't work like that. One more tip is getting a small vibrator to use it both on your clit, to help you make it a very pleasurable experience, and then once you can replace one of the dilators with the vibrator of similar thickness... I think your may spend many evenings 'at home'. If you do find your v card thief online, try to find somebody who's patient and gentle.

Do you have any experience with oral sex? If so, you can easily find a guy who'd be more than happy with oral until you can finally punch your v card. I think most guys would be flattered (I would) that a girl chose him to help her with this rite of passage.

If it's a guy you really desire or even if it isn't , explain to him that it's your first time and please take things slowly. But with the dilators, you may not have to say a word.

[Levin]

Dudette, madamouselle. I think you're under a few misapprehensions.

First, a female plays the passive role. You don't have to do shit. Men will walk up to you.

Secondly, you're a slim girl. That's what men are looking for. Sure, some are looking for curves or whatever, but many don't care. So why listen to the naysayers.

Lastly, your self concept is shot. I mean, fucking hell, respect yourself. You don't have to throw away your virginity in some kind of desperate bid. By the same token, you don't have to make a big deal out of it.

You're 21. You're not that old. Find a kind and respectful guy. He won't give a shit about your virginity, many even deem it as a plus. There's definite pluses to it. But any respectful guy will be patient, makes sure he warms you up and goes slow so it won't hurt.

Oh, and lastly lastly, I've taken two girls virginities who were 20. So you know, I doubt it's that rare.

[Anonymous]

They will wanna help you lose your beard but it will be the worst sex ever!

2 of my cousins did it that way and the guys were so trash at sex! The more they brag the more they suck at sex!

Their bfs a few weeks later were way more better passionate and cared!

Hookups won't care if it hurts or your bleeding they will just shove it in hard and fast not caring if your wet enough and will pound you badly rough.

Not the good kind of passionate rough!

[ohsheeT]

Hey stop stop stop stop you have no reason to be embarrassed I mean to be honest with you people look up to you because you have the strength in the willpower to not give in to social pressures or any other kind of pressure you're my hero I mean you're a lot stronger than I am because I lost my virginity at 16 and I didn't even like it it's a long story but it's a good story but don't be embarrassed you should be proud of yourself I mean I'm proud of you and I don't even know you but I'm proud of you for holding back it takes a lot of strength to do that I mean a lot of strength so whatever you do do not beat yourself up for it to not look down on yourself for it be proud of it and own it for sure you're you're hero and you're a good role model

[Berethor]

Well I prefer a virgin over a ho, it's mostly guys who get shamed for being a virgin, not girls.

https://allthetropes.org/wiki/Nature_Adores_a_Virgin

[Guffrus]

You need to leave the inside of your own head.

[Paul_in_Indy]

Being a virgin is perfectly normal—commendable, even.

You don’t need to tell guys this. It’s none of their business. Tell whom you want. …but no one else.

[HighValue]

Being a virgin is much better than having many partners or having a past of casual sex. You won't find any good guys in clubs. And being skinny is good too. Plenty of guys like skinny petite girls. I do too. Just be a good person and don't ruin your looks with tattoos and don't ruin your pair bonding ability by having casual sex and you should be fine. Maybe try a more serious dating site like eharmony.

[Drumlin2001]

You're fine. Imagine being 35 and having to have that conversation.
Honestly my advice would be to aim. for someone who's 24 plus, someone a little more mature, not on a night out where people are generally after one thing. Even if it's using dating apps, try to find someone you're comfortable with.
And realise that the person is unlikely to be your forever person. Just find someone decent who you can trust and allow yourself to enjoy and learn.

[RealMarek]

Most guys won’t mind that you are a virgin and plenty of men find a slender figure attractive. Focus on finding a good man who genuinely cares about you and is compatible with you. Make that the goal of dating and everything else will be fine.

[exitseven]

Why even bring it up

[TheOldeMan]

You shouldn't feel awkward or embarrassed in the slightest. I can guarantee that you'll find plenty of male virgins in their 20s.

[AndLikeThatHesGone]

Guys won't be turned off.

They'll like that you haven't been f**king every guy you dated since you were in high school.

They might be a little surprised, but they won't think less of you.

[AydenHazor]

First off, there's no rush to lose your virginity. There's nothing wrong with you for being a virgin. Your first time should be special. You don't need to tell a date before you date them that you're a virgin, it's something you can bring up when you stay talking about having sex. There shouldn't be anything awkward about it.

[Alex-Snow]

There is nothing at all to be embarrassed about. Wait for the right guy at the right time. You can always buy a dildo and take care of the hymen on your own if you want

[jeffend888]

RIP your inbox.

[jahaims]

I don't understand why that is awkward. Especially as a female. 99% of females can get laid so choosing to wait is more impressive than sleeping around.

[Philyouup]

Who cares, if you’re not having sex because you’re waiting for the right guy, who cares. The guy that doesn’t care is probably more the guy for you.
if you’re not having sex, because you just haven’t met the right guy to give your V card to, that will change to. I would have no problem with the virgin or an experienced girl each have their pluses.

[gorydetails]

You don't have to bring it up.

[Twalli]

A penis will fit, but it will probably hurt at the beginning. As for guys being turned off because of you being a virgin, ai don't think that's likely. I don't know if many guys who won't have sex with a virgin.

[FireFox001]

Sex is not like fingering. Also sex is nit rocket surgery, ffs. Just take a deep breath, tell the guy you are a virgin and call it a day. Some will be turned off, some on. That's all there is to it.

[B4851]

There shouldn't be anything awkward about that at 21. Don't worry about what other people think.

[andy530]

Just tell ‘em what’s up either they will be cool with it (most of em) or they won’t and if they aren’t that’s their problem they aren’t right for you anyway