How do I overcome the insecurity of my ugly vagina?

My biggest worry is that next guy I start to date will see it as a turn off. And it's not like small boobs or bad teeth, that if someone is turned off by it, they won't even bother dating them. But something like this you only find out when you get intimate with a girl, and I don't do that unless I really like the guy, so if he got repulsed after that it would really sting. how do stop worrying about this? when I do it for the first time with a new guy again I don't want to worry about anything and just enjoy the experience completely. is there any way to find out if a guy is into that before? should I talk to the guy before we get intimate?

I know most of you will say that if a guy rejects me for that he is not worth it, or that all vaginas are beautiful and I should accept it and love it as it is. I do actually, I've accepted it, but I also see that it can look like a scary beast from certain angles. I've only had sex with one guy before, he never commented on in neither positively or negatively. One time we had hooked up few months after we broke up, he was hesitant to give me oral but I suspect that had more to do with the fact that I was completely unshaven than anything else.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • You're nervous and ashamed about your "ugly vajayner" hm? Guess what? You have now made every man reading this think about your vagina. Congratulations, we now all really want to know what exactly makes your pussy ugly.

    Is it big lips? Me no care. Is it large clit? Me no care. Is it discoloration around your thighs? Me no care. I will tell you that discharge and loose toilet paper are the most displeasing problems to encounter. Hair may deter some men but also invigorate the rest. Trim it so it doesn't become a bother for penetration. You don't want pubic hairs pulling uncomfortably while he's trying to make you see Jesus. If you're overweight, yeah, it's a real coin toss for oral. But in those situations I'm looking into your eyes and enveloping myself into your big ass womanly softness so the only thing you need a man to do in that case, is to stay harder than granite countertops.

    Find you a hardworking man that don't give no Fs and smokes a little with you. All your problems gon melt away real fast. You won't even remember whatever vaginal problem you think you have. I mean, even if your labia hanging around like turkey necks, all brown and grey like untrimmed raw meat-- a man that likes you will probably like that too. I know you ain't want to hear that but, it's true. I've fallen in love with countless imperfections because everything else about them elevated that "problem."

    • well thanks that was a very positive heartfelt comment that made me giggle a little haha the turkey neck comparison is the closest one that I can describe to what mine looks like. let's hope men really don't care as much you think they don't loose toilet paper? you mean little bits of toilet paper stuck to her V? well that's a big no. and coming from an ugly vagina owner at least I can say mine is hygienic. perhaps if it smells good and tastes good even if the appearance puts him off he won't see it as a bad experience going down on me

    • I think a man with more sexual experience or no qualms about his feelings/intentions towards you will be what cures you of these reservations. That man will enjoy your larger labia; I'm sure it's fine. Just watch out, not all old men are wizards! But I think women know a real magician when they see them; they're just waiting to see what happens rather than taking any action themselves. If they're equally eager to flirt, that's usually your cue.

  • I have had 23 sexual partners. Some of them had small inner lips, some had protruding lips, some were shaved, some were not. Some had a distinct taste and aroma, some had no taste or aroma. Some were the same color as the surrounding skin and some were much darker.

    I have never rejected a woman because of the appearance of her apparatus. I have had oral sex with most of them and enjoyed it. Penetrative sex and enjoyed it.

    This is one of those silly things that women worry about and guys never give it a second thought.

    • I guess guys with more experiences are more open to all shapes and forms

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you should watch hardcore porn and see what guys do to girls with different looking vagina. You’d be surprised what guys enjoy. That should help with your insecurities

    • porn is not a representation of what real men enjoy, but thanks for suggestion ;D

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • If you mention that you feel this way about it beforehand he might be prepared and want to put you at ease.
    If he's cool, that is.
    I know I would find it cute that a woman is insecure about that.
    I would go out if my way to make it a great experience for her.

    • so you think it's a good idea to mention it before or better not?

    • If you feel comfortable with him you could. If he's a decent person he should be accepting and want you to feel good about yourself. I would.

    • if your girl felt this way before getting intimate, would you want her to tell you, or you'd rather see it while getting intimate and make her feel good then

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  • The look of your vagina and your insecurity didn't stop you from having sex before.

    • yes but I was not aware how different mine looked, then I started giving bikini waxes to other girls which exposed me to seeing how deformed mine are in comparison. I know I shouldn't compare as all girls are different, but if the guy was with very different ones before and then sees mine start thinking wtf happened

    • Looks like ignorance is bliss in that case, anyway I don't think that there is many guys who would reject a girl only based on how her vagina looks, did you reject a guy based on how how his penis looks? yes you have an point that unlike boobs size and bad teeth it's harder to know beforehand what a girl had to offer in that area, but it's an risk that people take, also if it's bothers you so much, then you can actually ask the guy about how important is that issue to him.

    • how would you feel if a girl asked you that before hand? would you be turned off? not by the vagina but by the question and insecurity of it

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  • Guys don't look at pussies the same way girls do. You see a part of your body, or a part of another girl's body, that you are not attracted to. It's just a body part that's a little funny looking, and maybe has hair on it. (I prefer hair by the way) For a guy, your pussy is very attractive. What I mean by this, is that when a guy is sexually stimulated and worked up, he sees your tits and ass, and just loves it. When he sees your pussy, he has the same reaction. He loves it. That's where he get to put his hard dick. He wants in, and he doesn't care if it's perfect or not, he just wants in. I have never heard of a guy who was all worked up sexually, and got his girl naked, and stopped, decided not to get in her, because her pussy wasn't shaped right. That doesn't happen, because the guy loves it. It looks very attractive to him, like cool water attracts a guy coming in from the desert. Be proud of her, show her off knowing he love how she looks, and finds her very enticing.

    • thanks, that's a nice way of looking at it, I'll try that point of view

  • Lots of girls have your same worry. I used to have a girlfriend who was very self conscious about her labia. She thought her labia minora were "too long" and looked bad. I loved the way her vulva looked and I started reading about this really common complex that so many girls have about their perfectly normal labia. There are reasons it's become such a common worry and one of those reasons is porn. Here is a fact: At least half and probably more than half of all girls have inner labia that are visible and extend past the outer labia. There's absolutely nothing wrong about that and it's not ugly. I came across this website which attempts to help girls with your worry and I told my ex about it. It's called www.labiaproject.com and she said it helped her come to accept her normal body the way it is. Any guy who has a problem with the normal female body has issues of his own and is ignorant and immature.

    • thanks I'll look into it. I don't watch porn so that is not the reason for me. I did use to give bikini waxes so other girls had much more pleasant looking genitals and that made me worry if a guy is used to normal pink stuff and then comes across something darker and enlarged it would freak him out I believe. I just hope the guy I get with in the future doesn't watch too much porn haha

    • It's normal for the vulva to be darker than the girl's overall skin tone. Very, very common.

    • hope other guys know this too

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  • I think most guys have a wide range of OK. I know you want more than that. Not intending to sound creepy, but take a selfie, post it someplace and give me a link in a PM. I will be honest about what I see to the limits of politeness. I for one enjoy what I'm served, so long as it is clean and healthy. I think most guys worth their testicles will agree.

    • I wouldn't dare photographing myself and posting it online, but I can post a google link to something similar only if you give a totally honest opinion. I don't want any sugarcoating since a guy who might see it in person won't care to sugarcoat either

    • I am NOT trolling you. Post that link in a PM. Mods don't want them in plain site. I'll do nothing but comment as you ask.

  • You realize that most vaginas AND most penises are ugly af so you stop worrying.

    • not true, I used to give bikini waxes some are really nice looking

    • Do you mean vaginas? I mean, I've seen nice looking ones too, but a lot of them aren't as great. It's really nothing to get worked up over.

    • well maybe you realize this, but how do I know next guy I get intimate with will see it the same way?

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  • What makes it ugly in your opinion?

    • well I used to give bikini waxes and so many girls had light pink lips and smaller ones, or no visible labia at all. mine are long and dark in color. looks scary I'd say

    • I'd say a solid 60% of gurus are like that. Just not in porn xD also I know that at least 50% of guys prefer that. So you're good xD

    • let's hope

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  • Have you considered that the GUY doesn't find it ugly even if YOU do?

    • of course, but it's hard to believe since he wouldn't be blind

    • Beauty... is in the eye of the beholder.

    • haha true, I've used that phrase on others, weird to see it coming back as if I don't know this

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  • Well as long as you're having sex with people you don't love this will be a problem.

    • I did mention that I only do it if I really like the guy. waiting to be inlove would be even worse if the guy gets put off from that part of my body.

    • Eh if you say so. Personally I think that if two people truly love eachother, this vagina thing won't be a problem. It still works just fine I assume

    • it does

  • As a guy, I say this with utmost sincerity, no vagina in the world is "ugly"

  • By penis shaming guys like the other girls do

    • never heard of a girl actually penis shaming when getting intimate with a guy that they shame. that stuff comes out maybe if they break up

  • You can't

    • you're prob right

    • Thank you

    • you're welcome

  • l don't know l have never seen it

    • I would post google pics if I didn't get blocked haha

    • l understand what you are saying l don't think it can be that bad

    • perhaps it's just my insecurity making it seem worse. but it does look worse compared to what I've seen giving bikini waxes

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  • I'm sure it looks fine

  • Is there such a thing as an ugly vagina? had some that smell bad and had a few that tasted a little funny. But never seen an ugly one. And most guys would not care what it looks like.

    • What makes you think that yours is ugly?

    • dark in color and stretched out, just not pleasing to look at

    • I agree with madmark, no vagina looks ugly. And like madmark, only smelly, funny tasting or unclean ones would be a turnoff. Even hairy ones are not a turnoff.

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  • pussy is about how it feels not how it looks.

  • I wouldn’t worry about that. If a guy likes you he’s not going to care what it looks like down there or what shape or size it is. He’s going to want to make love to you and feel how amazing it is inside you. I used to think I had this perfect envision in my mind of the perfect pussy based on watching porn as a kid. But in reality it’s not even close to that. And actually I prefer and love that my woman has some beefy lips now to be honest. It’s honestly fun to give her oral and tease and suck on her lips in my mouth and run my tongue all along both sides of them, and they feel good during penetration sliding along my shaft. I don’t care about the looks. I do care for shaving and cleanliness though. That’s my biggest worry! And think about a guys perspective here. This would be equivalent to him worrying about his penis size or shape and what you might think about him? So we have our fears too. But if you have a great guy and he loves you, he’s def not going to care at all about that kind of thing. And if it’s a fling, he’s just as worried about himself anyways and what you might think of him. Just enjoy the intimacy and sex and not focus on the looks of it.

    • lets hope guys I date in the future are the same way. :) I am all for keeping it clean and not overly hairy so that's not something he's gonna have to worry about

  • shave your snoochie

    • it's shaven mostly, just a landing strip left

  • There's no such thing as ugly I'd it's attached to someone we want, and works for you. We take it as it is. There may be preferences for hair/not, but that's something changeable right?

    • true

  • It's so hard to get there that no good guy will run away.

    • :D :D :D you're right. why throw away such hard work

    • LOL!

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